Creating Kate
by Sasha Cameron
Summary: Book 2: Continuing the love story of Kate and Elliot. Will their love survive what happens in Barbados? What awaits them back in Seattle? Who is threatening the Greys? Kate and Elliot are hot together but all the secrets around Christian's life threaten to pull them apart. Throw in some hot exotic burlesque action and some exotic male dancers to complete a fun and sexy romp!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to Creating Kate, my second story in the Kate and Elliot Love Story. This story aligns with Fifty Shades Darker. The plot line will follow EL James original so as always the story and the characters belong to her, I am just messing with their heads. I thorough enjoy your feedback and I am constantly looking for the perfect songs to reflect each element of the story. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Enjoy, love Sasha xox.**

* * *

**It's quiet here today, where tears have left a stain**  
**Time goes by still the room doesn't make a sound**  
**I'm feeling out of place, I'm needing to explain**  
**I tried to fly, but my feet never left the ground**

**I know everybody sees it, feels it**  
**When I look at you**  
**I know you really feel it, I mean it**  
**We cannot lose**

**What do I have to do? (cause I'd do anything)**  
**To prove myself to you (and you mean everything)**  
**I'm sorry girl for disappointing you**  
**I'm still in love, you know I'm still in love with you**  
**Now we can't go back (cause I'd do anything)**  
**I should have known that (and you mean everything)**  
**I'm sorry girl. We need another chance**  
**(I'm still in love, you know I'm still in love with you)**

**-Still In Love With You - The Latency -**

* * *

_Love is patient, love is kind._

No it isn't. Love is being a complete bitch and I don't know how to reach her. She has no patience and she seems to see the world so differently to me. We argue, constantly, each of us trying to win. Both of us losing. As for kindness...love saved the life of a stranger, held the hand of a sad memory but she doesn't seem to know how to save us.

_It does not envy, it does not boast,_

For once in my life I want what my parents have, what her parents have. I never thought I would want something so bad. She makes me want that. Up until now I thought my biggest problem would be keeping our love to myself. I wanted to shout it out to the world. Our love had other ideas, took on a voice of its own and started shouting out to the world, making us do stupid, reckless things. I am not sure how to shut love up or even if I want to.

_It is not proud._

But is it too proud to admit when it is wrong? I don't know. She didn't want to be in love and I forced her. That has backfired on me. I kept wanting to take it slow, she didn't and now love has become a fire that is all consuming, burning hot and out of control.

_It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,_

Love may not be but lust is. It was rude of us to make our love so loud and obvious and make everyone around us uncomfortable. Love and lust became intertwined taking on a life of its own. Now we need to reign love in.

_It is not easily angered,_

Anger comes so easily with the love. In fact, it is always on the other side of the coin, threatening. Our love is loud and strong, our anger is a menacingly quiet whisper.

_I keeps no record of wrongs._

I suspect the wrongs have become a long litany of why we shouldn't be together. My past, her flirtatiousness, my stubbornness, her career path, my secrets, her youth, my experience, her selfishness...not only is there a record - but it is cracked.

_Love does not delight in evil_

How can this be love when there is so much darkness between us. All things that we are not saying. All the bleak misunderstandings. Love is having a field day with the devil.

_but rejoices with the truth._

With every truth, there are ever more layers of what we don't know and what we don't say. Is there any possibility that if we absolutely laid our souls bare to each other that we would find love in the truth?

_It always protects, always trusts,_

I would protect her, protect our love and those we love to the end of time. If only she would trust me. If only I could trust her.

_always hopes, always perseveres._

She tries my patience but I don't want to lose hope. I will persevere, because now there is no other choice for me. I will love her with my dying breath. A love I never believed I would find with any one. A love so intense it is unreasonable and indestructible.

_Love never fails._

I want to believe this with all of my heart, because there is no longer any choice for a life without her. Failure is not an option.

_- The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4 -_


	2. Chapter 2: Breathe Me

**Welcome to Creating Kate, my second story in the Kate and Elliot Love Story. This story aligns with Fifty Shades Darker. The plot line will follow EL James original so as always the story and the characters belong to her, I am just messing with their heads. I thorough enjoy your feedback and I am constantly looking for the perfect songs to reflect each element of the story. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Enjoy, love Sasha xox.**

* * *

_**Help I've done it again**_  
_**I have been here many times before**_  
_**Hurt myself again today**_  
_**And the worst part there is no one else to blame**_

_**Be my friend, hold me**_  
_**Wrap me up, unfold me**_  
_**I am small, I'm needy**_  
_**Warm me up and breathe me**_

_**Breathe Me - Sia**_

* * *

Port-au-Prince has changed a great deal since I was here last. The taxi races through the streets and I can still see the marks of devastation which are now punctuated with pockets of development. My first aim is to get to a hotel and then to locate the building team. I would like to freshen up from the charter flight which managed to churn my stomach on top of a relatively sleepless few nights. I am sure that I don't look too flash even for a cashed up US national.

The pain of our argument hasn't subsided but I am trying to push it aside for the greater good of being here. I need this, to put someone else's needs first. To work hard without having to think. To contribute and connect. To forget. Although merely being here will make that impossible. _Pretty big talk when you have never felt so small._

The taxi drops me off and I check into the hotel, take a shower and then take my phone out on to the balcony to make a few calls. You would think I would have had enough of the views after the sixteen hours I spent sitting on the balcony in Barbados, thinking about our fight and trying to work out what to do next. I felt I now had a plan, courtesy of the gift that was left on the bed of our room while I was wallowing in sorrow.

He must have gone to rescue my phone from the pool while I was busy running around the streets of Bridgetown like a madwoman searching for him. It would have taken some time, to extract and dry out the SIM card, replace the phone at a local shop and then reload everything. I can only assume that he sneaked in while I was out on the balcony, to leave it on the bed with a note saying to call him when I was ready. I hadn't felt ready yet.

Thinking had taken up a significant part of my energy in those first few hours, most of that had been about reminding myself to breath in and out. After a while I welcomed the pain, it reminded me that I was still alive. I was waiting for him to walk back in that door and when he didn't I had to make some decisions or I knew I would never move off that balcony again.

Elliot's words had challenged as much as they had hurt. He was right about everything. Except perhaps throwing my phone in the pool but he was man enough to right that wrong. I need to grow. I need it for me. I need it for us. I could call him, beg him to come back and he probably would for a while. Or I could break it off permanently and walk away with my pride. The real challenge would be to push pride aside, learn how to be more than just a spectacular lay for him. Step up and have a real adult relationship. A partnership that is based in trust and friendship. Where we make decisions together, support each other and stop using sex as a way to mask our disagreements. But to do that required a face to face conversation because if I couldn't ask him for that without trying to seduce him then there was no point in holding on to him. We would only keep hurting each other.

So I had not called. Instead I had arranged the charter, tried to call Ana at least half a dozen times with no success and packed my bags to leave. When I checked the phone I saw that he had given me everything that I would need to be able to find him. Numbers for all of the building crew, even numbers for his parents, Mia and Christian. There was no excuse for not calling him but I needed to see him in person to talk. The phone just wasn't going to do it. So instead of calling him, I dialed James who gave me instructions to get to the orphanage.

His smile is a welcome sight as the car pulls up outside a small church with a larger building site behind it. I can see that the building is well on the way to completion with local workmen moving hither and yon, carting materials, painting and gardening. His arms wrap around me.

"Beautiful Kate, great to see you." James' smile is genuine and his skin bronzed from the sun. He is even more gorgeous in the daylight and we fall into easy conversation as he takes me through the features of the site. Finally we stop outside the front of the church. "Does Elliot know you are here?"

"No, I wanted to surprise him. We had a fight." I can't quite look James in the eye.

"So you left him in Barbados?" His hands are on my shoulders and he leans down trying to catch my eye. His question makes my snap my head up.

"What do mean? I thought he was here."

"Why would you think that?"

"He left me. He walked out. I thought he was coming here with you." Tears are threatening again as I realise my mistake. I should have called him. "I just assumed he would be here." _Oh, God, I have no idea where you are or what to do._

"Kate, Kate, it's okay. We will look after you. Let's just call him." His arms are around me and I shudder into his shoulders as the tears take over. I have no idea how long we stand there, James stroking my back and cooing platitudes to calm me down. He is gentle and strong and only reminds me of Elliot, causing more tears to fall. I barely register the sound of children approaching, their laughter and gentle cadence of French accents floating through the air.

A bell starts to toll from the church steeple and I pull away from James as the children are shepherded past us into the church by the most beautiful looking woman I think I have ever seen, her tanned legs peeking from below the simple white cotton skirt. She is wearing a summery yellow tank top with colorful scarves tied around her face. The colors accentuate her dark skin. Her smooth dark hair is pulled back into a simple ponytail that reminds me of Ana, and her deep brown eyes shine as a broad smile lights up her face. James breaks away from me to take her hand as she approaches, kissing her hand before pulling her in to kiss her face.

"Liana, I want you to meet someone." His voice seems to have dropped another register to dripping sex and Liana responds to him accordingly. "This is Kate, Elliot's girlfriend. She has just arrived from Barbados."

Liana smiles at James and then turns to me. "Kate, it is so delightful to meet you." She has a lilting French accent that is even softer than the children. Her smile widens further and she leans in to kiss me on both cheeks with a firm but gentle embrace. "Is Elliot not with you?"

"It seems that I have made a mistake. I thought that he was here." I feel mortified with the embarrassment of having come all this way. I quickly wipe a stray tear from my cheek, hoping that no one has noticed. _Elliot, where are you?_

"Well, we will just have to make the most of your being here without him then." There is no judgement, no malice in her voice and I am so grateful I could die. "Children, come and meet Miss Kate." She issues instructions in French as well as English and the children clamor around, laughing and smiling. They range in age from 14 years down to 3. Their enthusiasm and laughter is contagious and I find myself returning their smiles as they try to shake my hand and say hello in English, calling me Miss Kate as Liana has instructed.

The bell tolls again and it seems it is time to move into the church. I haven't been into a church since I was a school girl but two little girls grab my hands and usher me through the doors. Before we enter Liana and the girls all pull out scarves to cover their shoulders. She unties a scarf she has tied around her waist and offers it to me. Taking it gratefully I wrap it around my shoulders and then step into the cool dark cavern of the vestibule.

The rituals come back to me quickly as we dip our fingers in holy water and genuflect, crossing ourselves before taking a seat in the pew. James is with us and he seems at home being here with Liana and the children. They give each other a shy smile as they settle down on either side of six of the smallest children. I sit in the pew behind with another half dozen youngsters and almost don't notice as TJ comes to take a seat at the other end. Will has also entered walking to the front with a young dark skinned priest to pick up the guitar. The church is dotted throughout with a few other locals, mostly women.

The mass begins and I feel it all coming back to me. The prayers and hymns may be in French but the tone is universal as I recognize each marker of the ceremony. For the first time in a long time I clear my mind and really pray, fingering the cross around my neck. _Dear Lord, please forgive me and grant me the humility to forgive him. Let him be safe and look after Ana. Don't let her be too sad. Remind her, please, that I am here. _Thoughts of our fight flood back to me, of how much his words hurt, not because he was being mean but because they are true. My sheltered upbringing, my continuing record of high achievement, my status within my family and Seattle society has almost guaranteed that I would become exactly what he accused me of. Exactly what I have always claimed to hate and mistrust.

Taking a deep breath I try to gain some perspective. If I am going to learn anything from this experience then I can't dwell on my sadness. Perhaps being here now without him is exactly what I need to do. _If this is your plan, then I will accept. _A small hand creeps into mine and I glance down through my tears at the small round face of the little boy next to me. He must be no more than four years old, with large soulful chocolate brown eyes peering through thick dark eyelashes. He does not smile but strokes my hand softly as if he can feel my sadness. I am humbled by his empathic touch.

The church, the mass, the children are all working their magic and the ache in my heart eases as my breathing evens out enough to actually fill my lungs for the first time in 24 hours. And this little angel next to me keeps touching my hand and bringing me back from the darkness.

After the mass James and the boys go back to the building site promising to meet me afterwards for a dinner at the makeshift buildings that the children are living in. I go with Liana to help her prepare lunch and then take the afternoon lessons. My angel is firmly fixed at my side and sitting in my lap as I read a story before the younger children take an afternoon nap. They don't mind my rusty French and my need to read in English. Liana has set the older children to a task of weaving baskets while they watch over the young ones and she and I take a cold drink and sit out on the porch.

"I take it that you and Elliot have had a disagreement?" Liana takes a sip of her drink and waits while I compose an answer. She is not prying, just concerned.

"Our whole relationship has been a series of disagreements it seems."

"But you love him." A statement, not a question.

"Very much, but we fight all the time. I am not sure if love will ever be enough." More damn tears.

She is quiet for a long time, letting me cry in silence.

"Will you fight for your love?" Her question calms me. _Will I? Will he?_

"Yes." We have a long way to go but yes, I will fight for him. I am fighting for him. I just never thought I would be fighting myself.

"What did you disagree on?"

"Everything, nothing. It is not so much what but why?" She says nothing. Just looks at me. "Our relationship has been very..." I am embarrassed by this as I sit here with this young woman who is so obviously a very spiritual person. I blush.

"You have a very strong physical attraction to Elliot." Head down, I nod. "This is not surprising, Elliot is a virile man. But you are a good match for him I think."

"How do you know?" I am trying not to be worried by her comments. Is she yet another woman who has slept with Elliot? I look at her and as if reading my mind she shakes her head.

"No, it is not like that. I can see the love in your eyes, you are resigned to it but there is also a fire. Love does not have to defeat you, Katherine. You are a strong woman. You can use this to your advantage, I think."

"I don't want an advantage. All of my life has been advantage."

"Ah, I see, so you have learned not to trust. Yet, to love someone completely trust is essential. So you don't trust your physical attraction?"

I shake my head sadly. "No."

"I think that together you burn too hot, no?"

"Yes." I seem to have been reduced to whispered monosyllabic responses.

"The strength of any relationship is a connection of the mind when you can see the world through each others eyes, even if you are not always in perfect agreement. Perhaps you need time to focus less on the heart and more on the soul and the mind. To build a strong friendship together."

Her wisdom both startles and warms me. Elliot and I fell into each others arms almost straight away. He knew this was going to be a problem and he tried several times to slow us down. In my youthful arrogance I disregarded his doubts and drove us to this. We don't know how to be friends, all we have is this hot and heavy fire that is destroying us. _Has it already destroyed us?_

"Does he know you are here?" _A good question, given I thought he had left Haiti._

"I don't know. I left a message for my parents before I left. He has my phone number. I guess if he cared he would have called by now."

"Then we must assume that he is on his way here. If not then you will stay anyway and let Haiti work its magic."

"I don't know where he went after he left me. If he didn't come to Port-au-Prince then I don't know..."

A shadow falls across us and I look up. He is here and the breath leaves my body for a moment. Liana stands and offers her cheek to his kiss.

"Liana, how are you?" Oh, how I missed the warmth of his smile, the depth of his voice.

"Elliot, it is delightful to see you, but we will catch up later at dinner, no? Right now I think that you need to speak to your Katherine." She places a hand on my shoulder. "Be gentle with your heart, Katherine. A fine wine needs a gentle but firm hand and time to age naturally."

Her white skirt sways gently as she moves back inside the building leaving us alone. I cannot stand, I know that my legs will give way. _He is here, he is here._

Elliot sits down next to me and takes my hand and the tension leaves my body. I can't look at him.

"Katie, I'm sorry, I ..." _Stop!_

"No," I cut him off. "Don't you dare apologize, Elliot. Please don't." His mouth shuts and he sits back in his chair. The look on his face is defeat and I want to take that away but I need to compose myself. Taking a deep breath I begin to speak. "I don't want your apology because I don't deserve it. You were right, about Ana, about me. I needed to hear it, even though it hurt. I need to step back from this, from us."

Horror has spread across his face. "Kate, no. Babe, I was just so scared that you would say enough to Ana to ensure that Gail and Jason would both lose their jobs and that Christian would never forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"Elliot, stop. For all of those reasons, and so much more you were right. I have a lot of growing up to do. And I want us to work, more than anything in the world. But our physical relationship is getting in the way and not every problem should be solved with sex, no matter how good it is. I just hope that you will give me another chance. That we can learn how to be friends first."

His hand is in his hair before I finish my last sentence. I don't mean to frustrate and confuse him. I just want to do the right thing. I watch him anxiously.

"You completely blow my mind, Katie. I don't know if I can be near you and not want to lose myself inside you. But babe, I will do anything to make sure this works. If this is what you need then..."

"Elliot, don't we both need this? You tried to make me slow down and I didn't listen to you. Well, you were right. I want to be with you forever, and I want you to like me."

"Honey, I do like you. Don't think that I don't."

"No, I know that you love me, but I am not sure that you like me. I am not sure that I like myself. And I want to."

Just then I catch a movement from the corner of my eye. My little angel has woken up and is staring at Elliot like he is an intruder. We have been holding hands, Elliot stroking mine in much the same way that my little friend did in the church and it seems that he is fixated on this movement. I pull my hand away from Elliot and reach out to the little boy who runs to me and climbs on my lap, snuggling in with his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. Elliot and I stare at each other over his head both shocked by this display of affection. Then we both laugh as I hold this little urchin close.

Liana emerges from the school room to announce that it is time to prepare for dinner. Elliot stands up and takes my hand to lift me up. I keep my little friend in my arms and the three of us move, hand in hand, inside to help.


	3. Chapter 3: 18th Floor Balcony

**Welcome to Creating Kate, my second story in the Kate and Elliot Love Story. This story aligns with Fifty Shades Darker. The plot line will follow EL James original so as always the story and the characters belong to her, I am just messing with their heads. I thoroughly enjoy your feedback and I am constantly looking for the perfect songs to reflect each element of the story. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Enjoy, love Sasha xox.**

* * *

_**So we talked about mom's and dad's **_  
_**About family pasts **_  
_**Just getting to know where we came from **_  
_**Our hearts were on display **_  
_**For all to see **_  
_**I can't believe this is happening to me and,**_  
_**I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours **_  
_**That I was so yours for the taking **_  
_**I'm so yours for the taking and**_  
_**Thats when I felt the wind pick up **_  
_**I grabbed the rail while choking up **_  
_**These words to say and then you kissed me... (yeah)**_

_**I knew from the start **_  
_**My arms are open wide **_  
_**Your head is on my stomach **_  
_**And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep **_  
_**But here we are **_  
_**On this 18th floor balcony...**_  
_**We're both flying away**_  
_**18th Floor Balcony - Blue October**_

* * *

"Matye, Matye. Kote ou ye ti bebe?" Her voice is calling out to us but Matty and I are well hidden underneath the table cloth his small body snuggled on my lap. Long, shapely, shorts-clad legs stop beside us and I have to clasp a hand over Matty's face so that his giggle doesn't escape. Too late. Her beautiful face peers at us with a smile as she gets down on hands and knees to our level. "Oh, Matye, o mwen ka wè ou."

More giggles come from Matty as she crawls under the table with us and we wrap our arms around him. Our laughter echoes around the empty dining room and soon the sound of feet and eager voices come floating through the door.

"Ils sont là, ils sont là, je peux les entendre!" They have found us and soon there are five more little bodies crammed underneath the table, multiple limbs and faces all clamoring for a perch close to Kate.  
"Mlle Kate, M. Elliot vous êtes ici. Pouvons-nous avoir notre histoire maintenant? Vous avez promis!" The cries of the children are endearing. Its a struggle to unfold myself from under the table so I push the children and Kate out first. I don't completely understand their jabbering but I am fairly sure that they are asking Kate to tell them a story. Matthieu has wrapped his arms around Kate's legs as he does almost every moment of the day. She hugs him close, picking him up when she needs to move quickly. Their affection for each other is genuine and his presence doesn't seem to phase her in any way. Not exactly how I had envisaged her being around kids but just another reason to love her.

Work is progressing well with the new dormitories and common rooms for the orphanage. All the bathrooms and kitchen have been fitted out and James seems to think that if the crew can stay through the next three weeks that the children will be able to move in within the month. The children are all very excited and Liana and Kate have been working with them today on making tiles that will grace the floors of the new main entrance.

Watching her today has been an education. She works hard, she smiles a lot. There is this completely natural way that she has endeared herself to everyone from the children to the gardeners, all within a few hours. I have spent most of the morning helping to tile the roof until it got too hot to stay in the sun. Playing games with the kids has been a welcome respite from the heat.

"Vini non sou tout moun, nou bezwen prepare manje midi pou tout moun. Apre manje midi Mwen pral li nou tout yon istwa anvan ou dòmi." Although the children have been diligently speaking to us in French and English as requested by Liana, Kate responds to the children in Creole, she says for her own practice. I can speak a little but I struggle. Kate is almost fluent, another skill that amazes me. The question must be on my face.

"They wanted a story but we have to get lunch ready for everyone first. Then I will read them a story before their afternoon nap." She passes Matty over to me so that she can go with the children into the makeshift kitchen. While he would rather be with her, he snuggles into my shoulder willingly as if he knows that Kate trusts me so he can too. This makes me very happy and I feel closer to her through this little boy than through any of the hot and heavy sex we have had in the past couple of weeks.  
Last night we stayed at her hotel. I had no desire to be apart from her no matter what our new agreement entailed, so we shared the room, her on the bed and me on the floor. Although we were both exhausted we talked for hours, simply holding hands.

_"Where did you go when you left me?" I know that she was concerned and I never meant her to be that worried._

_"I moved my things into one of the spare rooms. Your mother had already suggested it a few days ago, I merely took her up on it. I just thought we needed space."_

_"So you never left?" Her look says she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. "I thought you had left Barbados with James and the others. All I wanted to do was to get to you. To talk."_

_"I'm sorry. It took me a couple of hours or so to sort out your phone. You were on the balcony when I brought it to you. I knocked but you didn't respond and when I saw you sitting out there I thought it was deliberate. That you didn't want to talk to me just then. I thought if I stayed in my room for a while you would calm down. I couldn't believe it when Julie brought your note up to my room yesterday. Nothing would have kept me away from you, babe, I hope you know that."_

_With a sad smile she reaches out to touch my face. "I know it now."_

Our midday meal is a raucous affair with the mixture of workmen, builders, orphanage staff and the children. There must be forty or fifty people gathered around the long trestles and throughout the lunch Kate doesn't sit. She serves food, she refills water jugs, she talks and laughs with everyone, checking that they have what they need before finally coming over to sit next to me. I immediately fill a plate with food for her and take care of her needs. Her appreciative smile is all the thanks I need.  
"Madmwazèl Kate ou menm ki pral ou marye Mr Elliot?" _Miss Kate are you going to marry Mr Elliot?_

Kate's hand pauses in mid-air as she looks nervously from the young girl, Rihanna, who has asked the question, to me. I am not sure what she has asked but James is sniggering into his cup trying not to look at me. I can guess and I am intrigued what her answer might be.

"Wi, si pitit li mande m 'mwen pral marye l' Men, li pa mande m 'ankò." _Yes, but he hasn't asked me yet._  
Kate shakes her head with a little laugh but my limited ear caught the yes.

"Èske mwen ka gen yon asistan nan maryaj ou a?" _Can I be an attendant at your wedding?_

Liana walks over and places a hand on Rihanna's shoulder to silence her.

"Sa a se ase riana, pa gen okenn kesyon plis." _That is enough Rihanna, no more questions._ Without any real hint of disappointment Rihanna stands to take our plates to the kitchen.

"Kate, the children love you already. They are going to be very sad when you leave. Particularly little Matthieu. I am worried that we are all growing too attached to you."

"It worries me too. I have enjoyed being here today so much more than I ever imagined. The children are very loveable. I wish I could stay here forever, or pack them all into my suitcase and take them back to Seattle."

"We will come back. There is no question about that." I take Kate's hand as I say this. In my mind, there is no doubt that she will be mine and we will find ways to come back here. My mind is already planning a beach wedding.

Our afternoon is hectic with me supervising the installation of cabinets in the main dining room and Kate working with the older children on their school work. Liana and James float through various spaces keeping everything and everyone on track. It is clearly evident that my friend is still very much in love with Liana and I wonder if perhaps this time around he may choose not come back to the States. I don't want to lose my business partner but I understand now. The last time we were here we fought about him staying.

_"You're thinking with the little head not the big one. You've known this woman for what? A few weeks? And now you are going to give up everything to stay here. For what? What the hell are you going to do here?"_

_"I don't know. I just know that I need to be where she is."_

_"Well then use your brain and talk her into coming back to Seattle. You can't throw away everything that we have built up for a nice pair of legs and a great fuck."_

At that point he had hit me. I don't blame him but it didn't stop me. I kept at him until he decided to come home. He tried to convince her to move but Liana is dedicated to the children. She went home to France for a few months but only to organise her life so she could be back in Haiti. James couldn't wait to get the crew back down here to be with her. I didn't understand it a few weeks ago. Now I know that I would move heaven and earth to be where Kate is, even if she doesn't want to sleep with me again.

After the evening meal, Kate and I excuse ourselves and head back to the hotel. Exhaustion threatens to take over our bodies but I have a surprise waiting for her when we get to the room. A scented bath has been prepared, candles lit around the room and wine chilled and waiting for us on the balcony.

"Elliot, I...would you like to take a bath with me?" Her voice is sad, shy and I think disappointed.

"No, I don't have that kind of strength, babe. Take your time, relax and I will be waiting here when you come out." I kiss her on the top of her head, luxuriating in the silk of her hair once more. Her smile is grateful and she pulls away to move into the bathroom.

An hour later she is bathed and I am showered. We are lying back on a lounger out on the balcony cuddling. The next few hours are spent talking about our childhoods. I tell her what I can remember about my mom and brother. She talks about her Catholic School education. Eventually we are taken over by the tired ache in our bodies. She has fallen asleep half lying against my chest, her hand resting on my naked skin. My body is longing for her, my cock has been in a state of semi-arousal for the past 48 hours. I concentrate on willing it away as I stand to lift her into my arms.

Laying her on the bed, I can't resist her temptation and I snuggle in behind her, spooning into her body as I wrap an arm around her waist. On one level it feels perfect but it is going to be a long night.


	4. Chapter 4: This I Promise You

_******Welcome to Creating Kate, my second story in the Kate and Elliot Love Story. This story aligns with Fifty Shades Darker. The plot line will follow EL James original so as always the story and the characters belong to her, I am just messing with their heads. I thoroughly enjoy your feedback and I am constantly looking for the perfect songs to reflect each element of the story. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Enjoy, love Sasha xox.**_

_******Sorry for creating another cliffhanger ending. To make it worse I may have to spread out my posts and leave you hanging for a little longer. I will have to see how I go.  
**_

* * *

_**When the visions around you,**_  
_**Bring tears to your eyes**_  
_**And all that surround you,**_  
_**Are secrets and lies**_  
_**I'll be your strength,**_  
_**I'll give you hope,**_  
_**Keeping your faith when it's gone**_  
_**The one you should call,**_  
_**Was standing here all along..**_

_**And I will take**_  
_**You in my arms**_  
_**And hold you right where you belong**_  
_**Till the day my life is through**_  
_**This I promise you **_

_**This I Promise You - N-Sync**_

* * *

Wed 8 June 2011

Three days since we left Barbados, five days since I spoke to Ana, one month since I first slept with Elliot Grey, Adonis, white knight and superman all rolled into one and five weeks since I last had a period._ Fuck!_ I scramble out of bed and race to my bag to find my phone. Locking the bathroom door I sit on the toilet seat and check myself, then the dates, then myself again. _Shit, fuck, shit - oh hell, I am never late. Never. In fact, almost too regular, oh God._

A knock on the door. "Honey, are you nearly finished, I really need to use the bathroom." _Shit, fuck, Elliot. Don't say anything that will alert him. Oh God, oh God, oh God._

"Just a minute, babe." In the four weeks that we have been basically sharing a room I have never locked the bathroom door on him. _Never_.

"You, okay?" _So you go back to being a fuckin' mind reader now, Grey? Fuck!_

"Yeah, sure, just women's stuff. You know." _Locking the door after the horse has bolted, Kavanagh? Stupid!_

"Oh, okay, can I get you anything?" _Pregnancy test? time machine? I don't know!_ With a great deal of reluctance I open the door, after all a man does have needs. All I can muster up is a little wan smile as I clutch my stomach, not for the reasons that he thinks.

"Cup of tea?" The eternal solution to every problem._ Isn't there some sort of tea you can take that can ...no, don't finish that thought._ He wraps his arms around me protectively, gently. If I don't pull away now I am going to cry. Moving away from the security of his body I stumble back to the bed and lie down facing away from him.

"I'll have a shower and then I will go in search of whatever you need. If you want to stay in bed today I can let Liana know that you won't be in." _Tempting but no._

"I'm not sick or dead. A cup of tea will work a treat, trust me." I can't even look at him. Hopefully he will just think I get grumpy with it and leave me alone to think. No sooner is he in the shower then I throw on the nearest clothes, his, grab my purse and race down to the hotel foyer pharmacy. I gather supplies, three pregnancy tests and some tampons just to make it look good. Feeling like I have raced a marathon as I let myself back into the room in record time, undress and climb back in the bed before Elliot finishes in the bathroom.

"My turn." I grab a pile of clothes, hiding a test kit underneath them as I cross into the bathroom. He walks out with a towel around his waist, looking fantastically sexy and starts to get dressed. Just as I am about to open the box he pokes his head back through the door. I quickly hide it behind my back as I turn to face him.

"Anything else you need, baby?"_ You, gone, now._

"No, I'm fine. Actually, some toast with marmalade would be nice. Something with ginger, it would make me feel better." _What? What the fuck are you rambling on about Kavanagh?_ I smile my little smile because quite frankly it is all I can manage right now. He frowns as if he knows something is up.

"Okay, I'll be back soon."

Three tests later and I have to admit the truth. _Fucking fertile or what, Grey?_ I start thinking through my options. First to tell Elliot or not. If I do then what - he might freak and run or he might suck it up and propose. Neither has much appeal in terms of long term happiness. Either way sucks - being without him or trapping him into marriage and fatherhood. Not good. I could run away. I wonder how far I would get before he found me,_ damn caveman_. Get rid of the baby. I always thought I would be a career woman first and children would be much, much later. Babies don't fit into my immediate future and despite my upbringing I do believe in a woman's right to choose. Right now, my Catholic sensibilities are telling me this is the wrong option for me. I personally, can't destroy a life.

_Oh my God, this is a life, inside me._ I start thinking back through all of the stupid and unhealthy behaviors of the past few weeks and wonder how much damage I might have done already. _At least I wasn't pregnant the night Elliot abducted me from the bar but that lay back the other night? Not smart._

No nearer a decision I move through the shower as quickly as possible and emerge just as Elliot arrives back with a tray. He actually went and got this himself? He could have just ordered room service. Placing the tray out on the balcony he ushers me into a seat and begins to assemble the tea just how I like it. _Oh God, oh God, what am I going to say? I need to talk to Ana._

My fingers are dialing her number before I can stop myself and I listen once more while her phone goes to the message service. _Damn, damn, damn._ I can feel myself getting more and more upset, knowing that now is not the time to cry. Elliot is watching me carefully as if I am some sort of wild animal that might suddenly turns feral and attack. He might be right.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"I ..." _Don't lie._ "I have been trying to get hold of Ana for days and she is not answering. I am really worried, this just isn't like her."

Elliot studies my face for a moment then takes out his phone and dials a number. "Jason...Elliot...yeah we're still in Port-au-Prince. Listen, have you been keeping tabs on Ana? Yeah? Okay, can you talk to Kate, she is really worried. Thanks."

I hadn't expected this and I hesitate to take the phone. "Hello?"

"Miss Kavanagh, Jason Taylor, Christian Grey's body guard." _Stating the obvious, Mr Taylor, but carry on._ I take it Christian's stalking hasn't eased up just because he and Ana broke up.

"Yes, Mr Taylor, I know who you are."

"Miss Kavanagh, things have been tense here the past few days, as you can imagine." _Tense, Jesus, what does that mean?_

"Could you please explain? What happened between them?" _And don't hold back on me Taylor or I will break both your legs._

"To be honest, I don't really know. They seemed perfectly happy in Georgia and then we had a situation back here in Seattle that we had to tend to..."

"The rogue sub that tried to kill herself." I hear him gasp. "Has that situation been resolved?"

"No, it hasn't, mam. She is still unaccounted for but we are still searching." _Fuck, Christian, what good is all that money if you can't find one girl?_

"I see. So what happened on Saturday to change things. Did she have something to do with it?" I have visions of Ana arriving at Escala last Friday night to see Christian in the playroom with this girl.

"I don't believe so. Whatever happened between Mr Grey and Miss Steele occurred here at Escala and as far as I know no one else was involved. Things were fine on Friday evening and then by morning it had all gone sour."

"But it has something to do with the playroom?" Another sharp intake. Elliot has told me a lot more than Taylor obviously expected. _Good._

"Yes, mam, I believe that it did, although I am quite sure that Miss Steele did not sustain any long term injury." _Fuck, what about her broken heart. That could be fairly damn long term._ "Miss Steele seemed quite resigned to her departure. I take it from the conversation I overheard and Mr Grey's subsequent reaction that this was her choice." Good on you, Ana.

"What was his reaction?" _That fucker has __probably_ taken up with someone new already. Or someone old. Bitch-face Elena springs to mind.

"Devastation. He took three days to surface. During that time he barely ate or slept although Gail, Mrs Jones, the housekeeper kept leaving him food. He simply shut himself in his study and refused to talk to anyone except our security expert, Welch. When he finally came out of his study on Monday evening it was simply to transfer himself to the office at Grey House. I don't believe he has slept in his bed since Saturday." _Oh. _ Christian seems to be having the same response to this break up as I would. Maybe he and I have more in common than I thought and I restrain from giggling at the sudden vision of Christian in pink flannel pjs eating B & J's.

"I see. Do you have any idea how Ana is? I can't get hold of her on her phone." Or the apartment phone, or her email.

"Yes, I have someone watching out for her." _WTF?_ "She started working at SIP on Monday as planned. However, she also does not appear to be eating very much and she does not look happy. Of course, we are basing that on observations only."

"I see. Do you have any idea why she is not picking up the phone?"

"She left her computer, the car and phone with Mr Grey when she left on Saturday. I am guessing that she did not remove the SIM card and her calls may still be being redirected to the Blackberry." _Shit, the car as well. Oh, that makes sense. Typical Ana, the richest man in Washington gives you shit and you give it back on the way out the door._ "Mam, can I be frank?"

"Yes, Mr Taylor, I wish that you would."

"I don't believe that either of them are happy apart. Whatever happened, and I am not going to justify Mr Grey's actions if he is in the wrong, but it seems that they both need to talk about it so they can move on. To be honest, I have never seen Christian, Mr Grey, like this in all the time I have worked for him. Ana means something more to him than his usual ... relationships. He needs to apologize to her for whatever happened but I am not sure how that can happen. I don't know how to get them to talk to each other."

_ You may not know how to get them to talk but I think I do._

"When I last had contact with Ana on Friday she was going to ask Christian to take her to our friend Jose's exhibition opening in Portland. Do you know if she did that?"

"This would be Jose Gonzalez, the photographer?" _I guess you have a file on him too._

"Yes."

"I don't know if she did, why?"

"I am going to presume that she doesn't have a car now. She won't want to miss that exhibition. Perhaps Christian needs to make himself available to escort her to that. It is a long trip to Portland." I can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain.

"Thank you Kate, I will make that suggestion." _First name basis now?_ Perhaps I have just earned his trust. If he is Elliot's friend then that is going to be important. Then I just can't help myself.

"Understand this Mr Taylor, I will have your privates on a plate if I think you are defending any action that could put Ana at physical risk. I know that you cannot stop any activities in the playroom without justifiable cause but.."

"I understand Kate. I really like and respect Ana. More importantly I see how good she is for Christian. I will do everything I can to protect her. Even if it is from him. And Kate, thanks for the idea."

"Yeah, just don't make me regret it, Jason." _I like you too, Jason Taylor._

After I hang up Elliot pulls me over onto his lap.

"Thank you, babe, you are incredible." I don't feel incredible. I feel vulnerable and stupid and completely out of my depth. The upshot is that I still don't have Ana to talk to about my dilemma but now that I have had time to calm down I think perhaps that is a good thing. Elliot and I have come so far in the past two days. If we are going to go further then I can't afford to be scared any more. Whatever we do next, we need to make that decision together.

"Elliot, we need to ..." Just then Elliot's phone rings.

"Hold that thought babe," He slides open his phone. "Elliot Grey, speak. Yes, Sir...Shit...And we still don't know for sure if it is him?...Yeah...Okay, we will be on the first flight back, I'll let you know when we are getting in."

My senses are on high alert as he hangs up. "What, what's happened?"

"That was your Dad. There has been another series of emails. My parents have their annual charity event this weekend at Bellevue. The Coping Together Mask Ball."

"I know that event." In the past I would have given anything to be invited to it. "But what does this have to do with our stalker."

"He or she seems to think they have some monumental shit on my family. There will be a lot of press at the mask. They are threatening to release the information on the night. Your father thinks we need to get back to Barbados."

An idea comes to me. "Do you think this might have something to do with this sub? Maybe she is going to break the NDA."

"You could be right. It does seem odd that she has chosen now to become a loose cannon, just when Christian has found Ana."

"Surely she would know that your Dad will take her to the cleaners if she does. Maybe we should call Jason back and stop him from doing anything to help Christian fix things with Ana. It might need to wait until after Saturday."

"I don't know. If this, Leila, is going to physically threaten anyone it could be Christian, or Ana. And if it is simply a case of giving information to the press then it is going to look better if Christian and Ana can present a united front, don't you think? Ana might be better off under Christian's protection. At least if they are together Jason has a chance of keeping her safe."

I think about this for a moment. Whatever this is there is a chance that we could catch this person on Saturday night. I hesitate to suggest the one thing I know Elliot will reject straight away.

"Should we call the police?" At least he is thinking about it.

"I am not sure they would act on this. It would require letting Christian know what is going on because I am fairly sure it would take his financial clout to get any action. Besides, I know Christian would want to keep this in house as long as possible. It is just the way he is."

Understandable really. The police would likely need to know a lot more than Christian would be prepared to divulge. A rational person would not want to say any more than they absolutely have to.

"Okay, well, we are going to need a plan and I am going to have to do some research. Can you get Jason to email me everything he can on this sub? Between Dad and I we can probably gather more evidence than most people, maybe even Christian's security team." I can see the hesitation on his face. "Babe, please, if we are going to help Christian and protect your family then we need to work together. I might need more information about your past to be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together."

"Kate, I don't know. Why would you want to involve yourself in this?" He is scared, I can see it.

"Honey, do you trust me?"

"Kate, I love you, I really do but you're a journalist at heart. I can't just hand this stuff to you on a silver platter. You might not want to use it now but somewhere down the line someone will ask you to go there just because you are part of my family. I can't put you in that position."

I stand up and walk to the edge of the balcony and stare out at the town below us. I am drawing on every amount of reserve not to feel hurt by what he is saying. My automatic reaction in the past would have been to accuse him, to fight him, to shout him down. _Breathe, Kate, let the logic kick in. If you have an emotional reaction you are going to get an emotional response and that won't get you anywhere. Trust in yourself._

"Elliot, one day soon, I am going to be Mrs Elliot Grey." _Still a fairly big assumption but run with it, Kate. Make him believe in you. "_I didn't expect this in my life, I didn't think I would meet you yet. But I have and I am learning how to accept what that means. Your family will become my family and vice versa. That means loyalty to you, to us first and foremost. I am sure that in the future I am going to be pressed to run with a story that could hurt the family. When that happens, you and I will deal with our response to that together. Right now, we need to do everything we can to find this source and shut it down."

His arms slide around me from behind and he rests his chin on my shoulder. This is beyond sexual. This is forever and I am beginning to understand what that means.

"I love you Elliot Grey. And I am starting to believe that Christian loves Ana. So if we are going to get to that happy ending, we are going to have to arm ourselves for this fight. And if my white knight is going to ride in on his trusty steed then you can bet your ass that he will have his lady by his side."

"I love you, too, Kate. Thank you." Turning in his arms I place my hands on either side of his beautiful face. His eyes are sparkling and clear, seeing right into my soul. Very slowly his mouth grazes mine, our lips pouring all the emotion of the morning into that simple kiss. The electricity is still strong between us, a sexual pull that is strong and needy. But now there is so much more. I don't need his touch to feel him. Not when his heart is wrapped around mine.

Pulling back from the kiss , we hold each others faces, breathing each others breath. I still have to tell him about the baby, and I will, but right now we have work to do. We both start making calls and packing our bags. Elliot heads to the bathroom to start packing everything up while I pick up clothes from the floor. Two minutes later he calls out to me.

"Babe, can you come in here a minute?" Distracted I walk into the bathroom to see him standing by the rubbish bin with a plastic stick in his hand. _Oh shit! _His face is a picture of complete shock but as I move further into the room his anger is palpable as he glares at me. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"


	5. Chapter 5

**_I know that if we give this a little time_**  
**_It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_**  
**_It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right_**

**_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_**  
**_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_**  
**_No I don't want to mess this thing up_**  
**_I don't want to push too far_**  
**_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_**  
**_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_**  
**_So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight_**

**_Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum  
_**

* * *

Disappointment floods through my body. All morning I had been under the impression that she was starting to trust me and now I find this. The plastic stick might have gone unnoticed except that I kicked over the rubbish bin and emptied the contents on the floor. Now this menacing piece of evidence is burning a hole in my hand. All I can think is she wasn't going to tell me.

"What is this?" _Stupid questions deserve stupid answers._ I try for impassive but the hurt is too raw.

"Elliot, I was going to tell you..." She almost looks contrite but this just tries my patience. More excuses as to why she can't trust me? _I don't think so._

"Tell me when Kate. You have had all morning to tell me this. What the hell was stopping you?" _Come on Kate, defend yourself. Parry and thrust, this is what we will always do._ For one heart-wrenching moment I see a vision of a future where all we do is fight. Neither one giving way, always keep secrets, never really communicating. I really thought things had changed but not where it really counts. Then she blindsides me.

"No, don't you start this bullshit with me Elliot. This morning we have limped from crisis phone call to crisis response. There hasn't been a moment to have this particular conversation." _Shit._

"So you were just going to keep it to yourself and tell me when?...Ever?" _Jesus, she wasn't going to tell me which means she has been making decisions alone. Fuck._ "You were trying to call Ana this morning. You were going to discuss this with her before you told me, weren't you?" I think I might be sick, this hurts so much.

"Stop it, Elliot. Yes, I had a moment of panic and yes, I wanted to talk to my best girlfriend. To be honest I am not sure if I would have told her anything but I desperately wanted to hear her voice. Then when I had calmed down I realized that my best friend is here with me. I started to tell you this morning but then my Dad phoned and we have been reacting to that particular bit of news, which I might add is all about you, so don't you dare accuse me of keeping this from you. I wanted to tell you when we were both in a calm space, not like this, this is just so bloody unfair." The tears are welling in her eyes as I watch her. _Fuck, have I got this wrong?_

"Tell me now Kate. I want to hear this." Willing my voice and body to be calm just doesn't seem to be working.

"No, you don't. You want me to grovel, to fall apart, to look like I am making excuses so you can throw it back in my face. You don't get to fucking do this. This is our baby we are talking about. I am fucking scared out of my brain about this and about this threat to your family and about my own future. I am not putting up with your shit right now Grey, this is not just about you." She storms out of the bathroom slamming the door and I hear her thumping around the room. At least she isn't running.

_A baby._ Staring at the pregnancy test I sink down on to the toilet seat. _A baby. With Kate._ And she is scared, I could see it in her eyes, she is fucking terrified. And here I am acting like a complete ass. I rush out into the bedroom to see her sitting on the bed in shorts and my shirt, her blonde tresses piled up haphazardly on her head, glasses perched on the end of her nose, typing madly on my laptop. Beside her is her iPad and she has a stylus pen in her mouth. I can't believe that we can be in this situation and she still looks like sex to me.

Taking a deep breath I lean against the door frame and look at her. She is so beautiful, so smart, so complex, so perfect. And she is going to have our baby. I smile.

"Will you tell me now? Please." Without any pause in her work activity she gives me a quick glance before returning her eyes to the screen.

"I'm pregnant, Elliot. I'm sorry for fucking up but I guess the pill isn't completely foolproof. I didn't intend to get pregnant but I am and we need to make some decisions." _We, she said we. Thank God._

"I take it you're not happy." This time she does pause to look at me.

"I don't really know what I feel except scared right now. Like I said, it wasn't in my short term plan. I have a career back in Seattle that I was hoping to get started on. I don't really want to rethink that."_ Fuck. She wants to get rid of it._

"So you are going to terminate?" _ Please say no, please say no..._

"What? No! Is that what you want me to do?" _Oh, thank God._ Two steps to the bed, two steps to my arms, two steps to heaven. I lift her up and plant her firmly on my lap as I sit on the bed.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I really thought that was what you were saying. I don't want that, I want you, I want our baby. I'm so sorry. You've just thrown me for a loop." I am planting gentle kisses on her face and head as I speak, feeling so overwhelmed with relief. Christ, I don't know what I would have done if she had said she wanted to get rid of it.

She is crying softly, clinging to me and I get just how emotional she really is because the one thing she never really did from the moment I called her into the bathroom is explode at me. Not a full-scale Kate meltdown. She has been angry and hurt but not explosive. Somehow, my volatile and unpredictable Kate is stoically holding it all together. This is not her usual desperation, this is gentle, too gentle and I know instinctively that this is different and more real than I have ever seen from her.

"I didn't know what to say. I felt so stupid, like I had done something wrong. And even though I didn't think you would be angry, I thought you might be disappointed. That it might ruin your plans. And I did think about every option but Elliot, I can't get rid of it, I really can't. I don't know if it is stepping back into the church since we arrived here that is making me feel like this, although I blaspheme far too much to be a good little Catholic girl again. I just know that I will never be able to live with myself if I terminate. And I want to be a mom, I just didn't expect it so soon. But now I have to work out how to have a career and a baby and the timing just sucks, you know."

The quiet desperation in her voice pulls at my heart. "Baby, we'll work it out together. You can still have a career and I will be there to support you every step of the way. We can get married and..."

"No! Jesus, Elliot, no." She is up off my lap before I can even finish my next thought. "There isn't going to be a wedding. No way."

"Kate, be reasonable. We are having a baby and you just told me out there that you were going to be Mrs Elliot Grey one day. Well one day came a little bit sooner than we planned, that's all."

"God, you are doing my head in, Grey. If we get married now it will always feel like a trap. I won't have it. How long would it be before you start resenting me for getting pregnant? Shit, we are only just working out how to be friends. This is not the way I want to do this. I need time."

"Well, I don't know if you know this but babies have their own timetable." I don't mean to be sarcastic or flippant. _No wait a minute, I do._

"Very funny Elliot. I am not changing my mind. I am not going to have a shot gun wedding. End of story."

"What, so you are just going to cut me out, have the baby and raise it on your own?"

"No, that is not what I mean. I want to date you, get to know you, make sure that we really like each other. If it doesn't work out between us then there is no harm done, you will still be a part of our child's life and we will work out things like custody later. I don't want to find out that you don't like me six months into a marriage and then have to go through the acrimony of divorce while I am heavily pregnant. Let's just stick to our game plan here. The only difference is that we are having a baby."

Sensible Kate is such a change of pace. No less passionate in her opinion, no less fired up over what she thinks is the right course of action but with this underlying calm that brooks no argument. Everything she is saying makes perfect sense except for the part where she thinks I would, under any circumstances, let her go.

"Jesus, Kate, when did you suddenly decide to do common sense. Don't you get it? I want to marry you. I have never felt like this about anyone. I am nearly 30 years old and I've done the horizontal mambo a time or two. I think I know the difference here."

The hands are on her hips as she places her weight on one leg. She shakes her head at me with a smirk that tells me I am a complete idiot. _Maybe I am, come on Kavanagh, give it your best shot._

"And I am 22 years old, with not as much experience compared to you, without having held down more than a holiday job and I am not as sure as you." I go to speak but she raises her hands. "No, stop. Yes, it feels like something special, something better and more powerful than anything I have ever felt before in my life. And ask me six months from now and I might just say yes. But we haven't even made it to six weeks here Grey. Give me a chance."

I feel floored by this. She is right. She is doing the sensible thing. This just doesn't seem like the Kate that I have been trying to seduce and coerce for the past two weeks. This is the Kate who stood up to me in the bar that night, the one who put me in my place at the Heathman. This is a strong, beautiful, smart woman who knows her own mind and is going to keep me running to keep up and quite frankly, I can't wait. She's not going to get six months, but I will concede here and give her three, if she is lucky. In three months she is going to have one sexy little bump walking down the aisle and just the thought makes me smile.

"Well? What are you smiling at?" Breaking my reverie I gaze up at her before standing to take her into my arms.

"Come with me." She looks confused but I take her over to the closet where there is a full length mirror. Turning her around I stand with my hands on her hips as we look at ourselves in the mirror. She has such long shapely legs but she only comes up to my chin. My hands stroke down her sides until she relaxes back against me, her head leaning on my shoulder.

Sliding my arms around her I kiss her ear. "Beautiful, wonderful, sexy Katie. I love you with all of my heart. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our child." Her eyes fly open as if she is going to protest. "But...I understand that you are not ready for that commitment yet. So we will wait, as long as it takes, for you to understand that there is no one for me but you. That we belong together forever. I would marry you today, I would marry you in twenty years from now, but I will marry you. And our children will be loved by both of their parents. And my beautiful, capable sexy wife is going to be a kick-ass journalist as well as a strong and protective mother. Believe me, I am never going to let you go."

My words are working their magic on her and she relaxes again with a hooded gaze. With my lips planted on her cheek I keep my eyes focused on hers as I lift the oversize shirt to reveal her flat stomach. Her hands come up to tie the shirt just below her rib cage and as she does I open the button and zip of her shorts. Without words we both move our hands to her stomach, mine touching the warmth of her skin and hers resting on mine. Our gazes drop to her waist and I slowly palm her stomach before sliding our hands apart to reveal her belly button. For a long while we hold this position, looking at each other in the reflection. And I can see it in her eyes, beneath the fear, there is love.

Turning in my arms, she takes my face in her hands and pulls me into the softest of kisses and I caress her back keeping her body close to mine so she can feel all of my desire. I drop slowly to my knees and begin to kiss her stomach, holding her body firmly to my face while she runs her fingers through my hair. My Kate, is a goddess and I promise myself that I will worship at her alter from here to eternity.

"I love you Elliot." Her voice is no more than a tiny choked whisper. A single tear falls on my face.

"Te amo, Kate." I place a wet kiss on her belly button flicking my tongue inside. She pulls back after a short while.

"What time is our flight?" The voice of common sense kicks in again.

"4.30." I pull her back to me and continue kissing and licking her skin. "We have time to ..."

"Don't even think it, Grey. We have things to do and you are not going to start fatherhood by disappointing those children. Come on, we need to check out and get down to the orphanage for lunch."

"I guess if nothing else I need to make sure that you and junior are fed." I stand with a resigned sigh. I would like nothing more than to bury myself inside her right now but I guess we are still playing the abstinence game.

"Too right, Grey." Pushing me away with a sassy smile she turns to finish packing up her things. I move over to the computer to close it down. The data on the screen catches my attention.

"What were you looking at?" I frown as I sit down on the bed and start scrolling through the website she is on. Stock market figures, the share price index to be exact. There are a lot of things I struggle with but numbers and patterns generally work just fine which is how I manage to stay on top of my reading issue. Then I catch a name I know well, Lincoln Timber.

"I was just checking the Lincoln Timber share prices over the last six months. Don't worry it is all publicly available data."

"But why?" Shit, what does she know? Have I ever told her about this?

"You know why. You and Christian have all but a controlling interest in Lincoln Timber as of three months ago, if my analysis is correct. I don't know why you felt that would be a necessary or smart investment, given his reputation for dodgy practices, but you can guarantee that if Linc is feeling threatened then he must be Grey enemy number one."

_Jesus Christ, I don't know whether to slap her or fuck her right now._ "How do you know that Christian owns anything? None of the companies listed here are GEH."

"A quick trawl through a few pertinent websites and it isn't difficult to work out. Christian has been pretty smart but he hasn't covered all of his tracks. A lot of these names have been hanging around as GEH shelf companies for the past four years. Anyone with half a brain could work this out so I bet Linc has. The question is, why do the Grey brothers want to have that sort of investment in their portfolio?"

She has me over a barrel here. If I tell her I open up a world of sorrow for a lot of people, if I don't this will be the elephant in the room of our relationship. I just never expected her to find something like this and I bet Christian didn't either.

"Kate, I can't tell you that. Let's just call it insurance. We are quite happy to remain silent partners."

"But if Linc steps out of line then you have the ability to ruin him."

"Yes."

"Will you ever tell me?"

"It is not for me to tell anyone. If it was just about me I would tell you in a heartbeat but other people need to be protected here. I'm sorry, I just can't." She seems to be thinking about this.

"Okay, I understand. But I think it is important that you let Christian know that I have found this information so that he understands that the information trail in itself poses a threat. Are you going to tell him about the creep and his information leaks?"

"I would rather do that face to face. Christian has a tendency to shut down and throw money at solutions. While I respect his right privacy there is a possibility that he would manage to shut down all of our information sources."

"I wouldn't worry about that. My father can't be bought and at the moment he is our main information source given this creep thinks he can use Kavanagh Media to expose you. Do you have any idea what he has on your Dad?"

"No. Your Dad didn't have much to say on the subject either. I don't know, I feel like we aren't just dealing with one creep here. It feels like it might be a coordinated effort."

"Well, let's get ourselves through the next couple of days. I really think we need to get back to Seattle by Saturday, don't you?"

"I don't know. If we suddenly turn up at the ball we might be giving this prick the biggest fucking heads up. If we are all being watched then they know that we are not due back until at least next Tuesday."

"Then we go back in disguise."

"What? Are you kidding me? I am not having you anywhere near this if there is any risk that you are going to get hurt. We are not putting junior at risk."

"I am not talking about risk. I am talking about an opportunity to observe, to see what we can find out."

"How do you propose we do that?"

"I have an idea. Trust me." And strangely enough, I do.


	6. Chapter 6: I Won't Give Up

_**When I look into your eyes**_

_**It's like watching the night sky**_

_**Or a beautiful sunrise**_

_**There's so much they hold**_

_**And just like them old stars**_

_**I see that you've come so far**_

_**To be right where you are**_

_**How old is your soul**_

_**But I won't give up on us**_

_**Even if the skies get rough**_

_**I've given you all my love**_

_**I'm still looking up**_

_**I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz**_

_Friday 10 June_

_Dear Diary,_

_Saying goodbye to those kids was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Matthieu didn't cry much but he clung to Elliot and I throughout the afternoon until we had to leave for the airport. If I could have taken him with me I would have but right now with my own future so uncertain, adopting an orphan from a foreign country would not be a smart plan. We promised to get back there as soon as we could. Just thinking about them all makes me cry, I just wish that we could have stayed._

_Thursday was spent with my father holed up in the villa in Barbados collating all the evidence. He had a complete folder of emails and photographs delivered by the creep. He also had the background checks, information that he had his team do on the Grey family including the share purchase history for Lincoln Timber. There was also a file each on Sirens and Elena Lincoln. While they are largely incomplete portraits they are at least a starting point. Elliot and I are going to have to sit down together and fill in as many gaps as we can. Maybe then we will be able to find a pattern._

_While we didn't get any further in making strong connections but we did formulate plans for at least getting into and observing the action at the ball on Saturday night. This would require us coordinating with Jason and we have elicited Ethan's help as well. Elliot doesn't want to tell him too much but I know that Ethan has been building up his knowledge around psyche profiling since he did that summer internship last year. His skills might be useful and I trust him to keep this information to himself. _

_Today will be spent traveling back to Seattle where we will go straight to Elliot's house. I can't go back to the apartment in case Ana is there although I will have to find a way to get in and get some clothes and my laptop. Hopefully, Ana won't notice. Before we boarded the connecting flight in Miami, Jason called to let us know that Christian and Ana were back together for which I am actually grateful. I am not sure about Christian on so many levels but Ana's happiness is really important to me. I will reserve judgement on this until I see them together. What really surprised me about that phone call was that Jason called me instead of Elliot. I think he and I are going to be great friends. _

_Underlying all of this is Junior's presence. Elliot is trying so hard not to hover but I know he would pick me up and carry me if he could get away with it. He really impressed me in the way he dealt with my parents, especially my Dad. Dad is not happy that we are putting ourselves on the edge of risk by trying to track the creep but Elliot was fairly adamant that I could look after myself and that he would be watching out for me every step of the way. It is an interesting lesson in human relationships to watch two men who feel that protective over you trying hard not to fight it out. Dad is all alpha while Elliot can summon his inner alpha at will if he is challenged. _

_We still haven't slept together again. He is really trying, putting me first…I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. I am going to break, very soon…and I almost can't wait._

Arriving at Elliot's house we are greeted at the door by an over-exuberant Zeus who is trailed by a young boy with olive skin and dark hair and eyes who looks to be around 6 years old. For a horrible moment I let my thoughts go to a terrible place where Elliot is arriving home to his family, and this is his child. My heart sinks.

"Elliot! Mom, Elliot's home!" Elliot drops his bags and swings this young man up into his arms. He gets an enthusiastic hug and a kiss on the cheek before an elf of a woman comes down the hallway from the kitchen wiping her hands on a tea towel.

"Hey, Babe, we didn't expect you home so soon." She greets him with a kiss on the cheek and then turns to me. "And you must be Kate. Hi, I'm Jennifer, Elliot's housekeeper." She has a wide enthusiastic smile and bright clear green eyes. Her face is framed by a short cropped haircut that feathers across her cheeks. She looks like fun and I think I might hate her. She also looks so at home, and she called him 'Babe'. Is this just another ex that I am going to have to dispose of?

"Hi, Jennifer, nice to meet you." My eyes seek out Elliot's with a question. What happened to Gia? I was prepared for the blonde and instead I get this elf. He smirks and then focuses his attention on the little boy.

"So dude have you been looking after Zeus for me? Taken him on walks?" The boy nods and wraps his hands around Elliot's head. Obviously this is a signal as Elliot lowers him down before swinging him up on to his shoulder. "Jakey, I swear you are getting to big for me to do this. What have you grown, three feet since your birthday?"

Jake, Jakey, giggles, "Noooo. But I'm six now. I am a big boy." We all move through to the lounge where another woman is coming through the doors from the deck. Jeez, Grey, you just surround yourself with females, don't you? So much for a relaxed first night at home. I always knew there would be women but I didn't expect them all to be gathering in his lounge room to give me a big old Elliot Grey was once a Man Whore welcome. _Well, not any more girls, we are going to have to talk._

"Elliot, hi. How was Barbados?" She is tall with long silky straight dark hair. She looks to be in her mid 30s and very striking. I am presuming that she could be Native American from her coloring and the shape of her face. _Fuck, an older woman too. Another fucking cougar, like Elena Lincoln?_

"Hey, Karen, it was great, tiring, interesting, never a dull moment. How are things here?" Karen approaches and gives Elliot a kiss with a big cheesy grin on her face. _Smack that one off you, bitch! Must be the hormones._

"Same old, same old. Here let me take that rogue from you." Jake leans down and wraps himself around Karen and it is now that I see the resemblance. Karen must be Jake's mom. _Oh, God, please no!_

"Karen, this is Kate, my girl friend. Kate this is Karen, Jennifer's partner and Jake's mother."

"Nice to finally meet you Kate." I feel at a loss. Karen and Jennifer? Partners? _Feeling stupid now Kavanagh?_ How did they know about me? The confusion must be written on my face because Jennifer leaps in.

"Elliot, big lumbering oaf that he is, thought you might not be happy with Gia staying in the house. I try to avoid the place like the plague when she is here, myself but that is another story. Anyway, we were happy to come out and stay, it gave me some concentrated time to spend out in the bay." _Ana, move over, I think I may have found a new best friend. Another hormonal mood swing? Didn't I want to scratch this girl's eyes out a moment ago?_

While Karen goes to fetch glasses of wine and Elliot takes our bags up to bedroom, Jennifer fills me in on her experiment site for her PhD. We wander down to the pier with Zeus and I quiz her on her work which is all about monitoring the health of the shoreline kelp that is the main food for the threatened Puget Sound Rockling. We get on to a discussion of the impact on local fishing, both commercial and recreational and I file this away as a possible story idea for my internship. Of course, that is presuming that I manage to get that far with junior on his way.

"You know, it was nice that Elliot wanted us to come and look after Zeus while he was away." Jen gives a shy smile that makes me think she is building up to saying something important.

"So you could be close to your work?"

"No, although that is a bonus." She is pausing for effect. "Him not wanting Gia in the house is big. It really means something, you know? Elliot doesn't change arrangements that easily. He was kind of desperate to make sure that you were happy."

"Yeah, I had a bad reaction to the news that she was staying here." Thinking back to my little meltdown it seems like nothing now but I still would have been pissed if she had slept in Elliot's bed.

"Have you met her?" Jen is staring out to the horizon, launching skipping stones across the Amtrack and into the sound.

"No, I haven't had the pleasure."

"She's a Barracuda. And she swings both ways. I was okay with her being here with Elliot, although I never really thought she was his kind. That was until the day she made a pass at Karen. She and I never quite saw eye to eye after that." Explains a lot.

"Are we going to have a problem?" I am really starting to like this girl and her family. I don't really want to have any issues with her.

"You know Kate, number one, it is none of my business, I'm just the housekeeper. But more importantly, anyone who can show the interest in kelp that you just did has got my vote for lady of the manor." Her light laughter rings out across the water. _She likes me, she really likes me._

"Jen, I think you mean more to Elliot than just a housekeeper. And he seems pretty attached to all of you, including Jake."

"He's been teaching Jake to swim and to play guitar. They would be in each others pockets if Karen would let them. It's just lucky that she likes to come out and check her handy work to make sure Elliot is taking care of it."

"Handy work?"

She waves her hand around. "This is Karen's work. She's a landscape designer." I look around at the stunning natural design of garden beds and native plants and I am speechless. The house is magnificent on its own but the garden makes it feel like a home.

"Wow. He certainly likes to surround himself with smart and talented women."

"I guess that's why he chose you." Just then Karen walks down the garden with glasses of wine for us both. Well, that's not going to happen.

"Oh, thanks but I think I might skip the wine. It's been a long day and I really don't need anything else to send me to sleep." I lie as smoothly as I possibly can. Besides I think Elliot would spank me if I started drinking right now.

"Well in that case, dinner is served and then I guess everyone could get an early night. Kate are you okay if we stay tonight? We weren't quite ready to pack up and leave and it is a long drive back to Jen's mom's house and then she has to be back at Bellevue tomorrow night for Elliot's parents ball."

They are asking me if I am okay. "Um, I am sure Elliot won't mind at all." They both look at me as if they are waiting for an answer still. "Ah, I don't mind at all?"

"Great, and Kate, you really are going to have to take over here. Elliot's whole life could do with a woman's touch. I have a feeling you're in this for the long haul." Karen wraps an arm around Jen and kisses her on the temple before we move into the house.

"Ah…woman's touch, domesticity, not really my thing." I shake my head. "I'm more of the disaster in the kitchen meets kick-ass journalist, career woman. Me and housework don't really get along too well." I have just coined Elliot's term for me and it makes me smile.

"Yeah, well it is good that you have us then, isn't it?" They both link arms with mine and we make our way back up to the house.

"So you are both going to the ball?" We are approaching the house.

"No, Jen is working it. She is part of the serving team. Does it every year." This is interesting and something we can use. I make a mental note to talk with Elliot about this later.

After dinner and some fairly wild debate on the environment in which found that Karen is as passionate about sustainable design as Elliot, we all go off to bed early as promised. Zeus elects to go and sleep with Jake in the guest wing so Elliot leads me upstairs alone. I am exhausted from the day of flying but also nervous about being back here. Something tells me that Elliot is feeling the same and that gives me some confidence.

"I need a shower." He drops my hand and let's me move into the bathroom. This is a good thing, I need to think. So far I have managed to resist him since Port-au-Prince although it has take an absolute iron will. Elliot Grey is la sex-magnet and if I had to live in bed with him I know I would never tire of the things he can do to my body. But am I ready to let my guard down on this? Can we do sex and still work on our relationship? When I come out he isn't there but he has laid out a night dress for me. I put it on and go out in search of him, finally finding him emerging from an ensuite bathroom down the hall with a towel hung low around his hips. God he is so beautiful.

"Hey." I lean on the door frame of what is obviously a guest bedroom and look at him. He continues walking into the room and it is then that I notice his stuff lying around the room. I frown and move over to the dresser. "You have moved yourself into this room?"

Approaching he takes my hand and stares at it with a frown as his thumb tenderly strokes my skin. "Kate, I want to spend the night holding you, I would do that every night for the rest of my life if you let me. But my willpower is breaking here. I don't think I can go much longer and not make love to you. My reserves are getting a little low."

To be honest, my first reaction is disappointment which seems a little out of place considering how patient he has been since he arrived in Haiti and the subsequent days that have brought us here. I can't explain how much I feel for this man, for his kindness, his strong ethical center and most of all how much he is trying, has been trying to make me believe in him. And I do I really do. It is myself I am struggling with. My insecurities and fears have been driving me for the past few days but right now, standing here looking at him struggling to hold back, I know I need to get us back to a place where we can connect the way we did when we first met. The thought of it makes me smile.

"Tell me about this part of the house. I didn't realize there were other bedrooms up here." His frown deepens, he thinks I am changing the topic. With a sigh he takes my hand and leads me out to the hallway.

"Well, you've seen the master bedroom and the mezzanine room. So down this corridor there are three bedrooms and with ensuites." He leads me down and shows me the rooms and the common room space that they all open out into, ideal for kids bedrooms and a tv room or shared study space. There is another staircase from this shared area that leads back downstairs.

"And where are Karen and Jennifer?"

"The guest wing is downstairs out the other side of the kitchen. There are three more bedrooms down there and another common room."

"Oh, so we really are all alone up here?" I start to move back toward the hallway to the mezzanine.

"Uh-huh. They can't hear a thing." He looks set to explain more, probably about the acoustic materials he has used in the build but right now that is the furthest thing from my mind.

"So no one will hear if I do this?" I quickly whip his towel off him leaving him delightfully stark naked in the middle of the room. I look at him with what I have perfected as the Kavanagh flirty smile as I back down the hallway slowly swinging the towel so that it starts to wind into a roll. I see the moment when he sees what I am about to do and I am really good at this. Years of perfecting my skills against Ethan as we loved and hated our way through our teens.

"Oh, no you don't." _Don't come any nearer Grey, you don't want to test me._ Still with a broad smile I draw the towel back through my hands as I twist my body to the side to get the best angle. He is still approaching. The most warning he gets is a raised eyebrow and then I let it flick, catching him on sharply on the thigh. "Ow. Fuck! Right that's it."

I make the mistake of dropping the towel and running as fast as I can into the mezzanine room. Instead of going into the bedroom I make for the spiral staircase in the corner and start to ascend. This is a part of the house I have never been into but I figure I am luring my prey rather than evading him so it doesn't matter if he catches me. At the top of the stairs I find I am in a large studio room with windows in all directions. It feels like standing at the top of a light house and I stop in the middle of the floor, gob-smacked. "Wow!"

His footsteps sound on the stairs behind me and he is almost breathless when he stops behind me. Something in my stance signals him to stop his pursuit.

"Welcome to my turret, Lady Kate." Sweeping a bow, Elliot straightens up and tucks the towel firmly around his waist again. My mouth is still hanging open as I take in this space. This is obviously his home office with two desks back to back in the middle of the room, one a straightforward office desk and the other a drafting table. I walk over to get a closer look. There are architectural plans spread out on the board which on closer inspection are not quite finished. The main drawing is a side elevation of what looks to be a lake house which has a large atrium and mature tree growing through it.

"Is this your design?" My hands trace over the drawing taking in the incredible detail in the planning and the sheer beauty of the design. Alongside are color renderings of how the house might look.

"Yeah, don't laugh but I am kind of obsessed with the movie _The Lake House. _Mostly because of the architecture stories in it. This is my pet project. One day I would love to find the right location and build this." My eyes shoot to his as he looks lovingly down at the drawings. These are what he loves. His designs, his music. How could I not be impossibly head over heels for this man? He absolutely takes my breath away.

"Elliot, they are amazing. You are so talented." My eyes are drawn back to the drawing board. _You are so gonna get laid tonight, Elliot Grey. _Taking his hand I draw him away from the pictures around to the other desk. "So, if I were to, say, move in here with you. Would this be my desk?" I trace my finger along the edge of the desk which has a few papers strewn across it.

"Absolutely, although if you wanted your own office there are plenty of rooms we can convert." _You seriously think I want to talk about office space? _"But I would love it if you wanted to work up here with or without me." I can see myself sitting up here, writing a book or an article but that is not what I want to do right now.

"And you would let me do anything I wanted up here?" _Don't look him in the eye._

"Yeah, of course. If you wanted to redecorate or anything that would be no problem." Stepping away from me he walks over to the shelving unit that runs along the wall under the windows. He leans back on it and looks around the space as he speaks. _Let's test that theory, Mr Grey."_

"So, if I wanted to say, _strip_ the paint back in here…." I push the straps of my nightie off my shoulder and let it fall to the floor, leaving me completely naked. Elliot swallows, taking in the sight. "…or if I wanted to move some things around…" My arm sweeps across the desk and knocks everything on it to the floor with one movement. I am almost batting my eyelids at him as I turn back over my shoulder to look at him. He is up off the window seat with his hand on his towel which has miraculously tented out the front. _Looks painful, Mr Grey. Let's see if there isn't something we can do about that._

Still facing away from him I lean over the desk placing both hands down then sliding them open along the surface until I am lying over it. "You know I think I like this desk though. It's so _big_ and _hard _and _wide…._I could just see myself working on it all night if you let me." I spread my legs and give him a good view of what I can feel is a very hot, wet pussy.

"Christ, Katie." I peer back at him and he is hesitating to move toward me which makes me frown. I would have thought he would have slammed into me by now. _What does a girl have to do? _Then I notice that he is dropping his towel and taking himself in hand as he looks at me. Placing my finger into my mouth I give it a big wet suck before pulling it out with a pop. Then holding my position I keep look at him over my shoulder as I move it down and start to stroke my damp folds, sliding it slowly inside me in time with his strokes. My tongues snakes out to lick my lips and he moves in. His hands slide around to cup each aching breast and he presses his erection against my ass as he places warm, wet kisses across my back.

"You are so beautiful Kate. Promise me this is what you want. Don't make me stop, please." He sounds desperate as he slides his right hand down over the top of mine and helps me to stimulate my clitoris while his other hand continues to fondle my breast, rolling the nipple between his fingertips. My breathing is getting erratic as he easily ramps up my pleasure. Suddenly he withdraws his fingers from me and turns me around. Lifting me up on the edge of the desk he pushes my thighs wide as his mouth descends to my nipples, sucking hard on each one. Each breast is treated to a thorough work out with his delicious tongue before he sinks to his knees in front of me and immediately thrusts his tongue inside me, licking and sucking my labia and driving me into an orgasmic frenzy. I explode on his tongue before he can even thrust a finger inside me, I needed this, him, so much. He rides out the waves of my pleasure, extending my release for as long as he can.

Pulling him up onto his feet I wrap my legs around his waist and draw him inside. His skin is hot and the sensation of touching him is electric then he thrusts inside me. I thoroughly ignite letting out a long groan of pleasure as he stretches me with his width. I place my hands on his shoulders while his support my back. Thinking that he will draw in and kiss me I stretch up to meet him which serves to deepen the angle and we both gasp and still. His eyes are completely focused on mine and he doesn't move any closer to me. He simply watches as he draws slowly, almost painfully out and then thrusts hard back inside me making my body jump. He repeats this all the while watching me intently. I can't take my eyes away from his and we settle into a slow, excruciating rhythm that he controls. I want him to pound into me but he keeps it at the pace of ice cream melting. Somewhere behind him there is a beautiful night sky, a glistening ocean, sparkling starlight but I can't shift my gaze from his eyes which seem to have darkened to a deep azure. All the love in the world is contained in his eyes and it is impossible to look away. The feeling of being complete, of being whole, of being one is an overwhelming force and I come hard again, pulsing around him. His face tenses and screws up slightly but he never loses focus even as he pumps into me.

We hold our position for a while, both struggling to come down. Finally he withdraws without a sound. Sweeping me up into his arms he carries me easily down the stairs and into the master bedroom, laying me down in the center of the bed then joining me. We make love again, both desperate for more after days without touching each other. Later, wrapped in each others arms we begin to drift. I am almost asleep when I hear a tender, heartfelt whisper in the dark. "I love you, Kate. Please, stay with me." My resistance is getting lower and somehow I think I just might.


	7. Chapter 7: Masquerade

_**School teacher, mind reader **_

D_**ream weaver, just be the one I**_ _**can count on to play it out with me **_

_**Hot waiter, cool skater Trailblazer, pulse raiser **_

_**Naughty or nice whatever you want to be  
You wanna try on someone else You might like seeing how it felt **_

_**Do you mind changing your disguise? If it makes me happy  
Here's my formal invitation You and me go masquerading **_

_**Lose ourselves in this charading Is this love we're imitating?  
Do we want what we got? If not I say so what **_

_**Here's my formal invitation Let's go, let's go masquerading  
We'll make it fun When it's over and done I still want you to see the real me **_

_**No more disguises Let true love decide if we should be together**_

_**ASHLEY TISDALE - MASQUERADE  
**_

* * *

_Saturday 11 June_

This morning felt like Christmas only instead of unwrapping presents Kate was wrapped around me, naked and beautiful. Slow, leisurely love-making helps us to face the day even though our bodies are still exhausted from the travel and our late night activities. The water is refreshing as we wash each other thoroughly, sensually, lovingly and I want more than anything for every day to start this way.I catch myself looking at Kate's reflection in the bathroom mirror as she brushes out her hair. This gorgeous woman, this angel is making me want things I never knew I wanted.

The smell of bacon lures us into the kitchen where Karen is cooking up a feast. Jen is out on the deck listening to Jake read with Zeus loyally perched at their feet. I step out into the fresh air and his giant paws land on my shoulders. I get a big sloppy doggy kiss that makes Jake giggle. God I love this kid, having known him since he was a toddler and suddenly I get hit with the gut-wrenching feeling of missing Matty. Once more my eyes seek out Kate, reassured that the emotion that sits under the surface of my skin has been as a result of having her in my life. Simply seeing her here in this house, in my life, calms me.

Kate has already broached the possibility of letting Jen in on our plans for the evening, and due to the nature of what we are about to do it seems that there may be no better way. Encouraging Jake to throw a ball for Zeus after a breakfast, the four of us sit on the deck while Kate and I briefly outline, in as little detail as possible, what we are planning to do. Jen's agreement is instant, offering to help us get security passes for Kate to join the serving team for the evening while I will work with Jason's security team.

With that taken care of we set off to pick up some clothes for the week for her. Something warmer than her Barbados wardrobe which seems to only consist of bikinis and sarongs. I offer to take her shopping but she wants her laptop as well so this involves sneaking back into her apartment. After checking in with Jason to tell him the adjustment to our plans I find out two useful pieces of information. One is that the coast is clear at the apartment, the second is that Leila turned up at Ana's work yesterday.

"She did what?" Kate is understandably anxious trying to work out what Leila wanted with Ana.

"Apparently just fronted up at the building and said that she wanted to see what Ana had that she didn't. Or words to that effect. Jason said she didn't physically threaten Ana and Ana didn't connect her in any way to Christian at the time."

"Damn, if he could have got there in time he might have been able to deal with her and we could have eliminated Leila as a suspect. Do you really think she is dangerous?" I follow her down to her bedroom while she gathers what she needs for a few days of hiding out at my place. I can't help but wish that I could just pack up all of her stuff and move her in with me but I think I have a way to go before I can convince her to do that.

"I don't know. Sounds like she is one sick girl. I just don't think she can be completely trusted."

Kate frowns as she goes through her wardrobe. "I must have lent my black pants to Ana, hang on let me go and check." She moves off to Ana's room and I stare into her closet.

"Babe, there are three pairs of black pants hanging here." I call out to her.

"They're not the right ones!" Shaking my head I turn away from the closet. _Women! I bet she has five pairs of black high heels as well and she will swear they are all different._ I am going to have to build her her own wardrobe.

When she walks back into the room she has the pants over one arm as she studies a piece of paper.

"What's that?" I don't like the look on her face. Something isn't right.

"I was going to borrow a leather jacket that Ana had hanging in her wardrobe but I think it might be Christian's. I found this in the pocket." I raise an eyebrow in question. "It seems to be some sort of contract amendment list. It starts with a break down and revisions to contractual clauses. The highest number is 15-24, Jesus, how many clauses do you need to have a BDSM relationship? Let me see…" She studies the paper for a while. "Ana has responded 'I'm not sure I want to be whipped, flogged, or punished.' And then she questions things like 'why can't I look into your eyes?' and 'Why can't I touch you?'. Then there are a list of rules that she is responding to; how much sleep she will have, food she is allowed to eat, clothes, exercise. Then there are the soft limits - no fisting, genital clamps, suspension."

She is chewing on her fingers as she reads. "Shit Elliot, Christian is one sick fucker." There is a look of exasperated disgust on her face and I know that any ground I might have made up on his behalf has just slipped dramatically. Shaking her head she folds the paper and puts it in her pocket.

Then it hits me. She just read that to me. Without thinking about it, without any reference to how I might have struggled with it. She just read it out loud as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Fuck whether she likes Christian or he likes her. I love her. _No shit, Sherlock!_

"Don't you think you should put that back where you found it?"

"Ah, no. If Christian causes you any issue when you let him in on the creep then I want some insurance. We need leverage to stop him from locking us out of the investigation."

"Babe, I know you might think that will work but you don't know him very well." I have no doubt that we are going to have to keep Christian in the dark for as long as possible.

"No, but you do, so let's just take it in case. I would say that they have both forgotten it since the jacket was in the back of Ana's closet. I can always slip it back in later."

We leave the apartment and head back out to the house. On the way we are about to stop for lunch when I get a call from Jason. I relay the message to Kate.

"Jesus, Leila has a gun license. Christian has gone into a meltdown."

"All the more reason for us to be there tonight." _What, you want to go and face some mad woman with a gun? She's already tried to kill herself, she's not taking you too._

However, this is Kate, and I have to tread carefully. "Babe, I am not happy with you being in the center of all of this. There is too much risk involved especially now."

"Elliot, you already have organized extra security to monitor the perimeter. That team is all being coordinated through Jason and the other members of Christian's security team. I think we are going to be okay. All we are after is information and since we are going to be masked waiters and security no one will ever know who we are or that we pose a threat to this creep." There is no way I will be able to keep her away. Better that she is part of this so I know exactly where she is rather than have her try to run some rogue operation without my knowledge. _I just don't fucking like this._

**ooOoo**

Hours later Jen drives us into my parents Bellevue property where she and Kate put on their white uniforms including masks and join the rest of the serving team. Somehow Jen has ensured that they are part of the central table servers which means that they will be able to move through the guests quite freely. I will be joining the perimeter security team with the added bonus of being able to pose as a guest if I need to. An hour after we arrive the first of the guests start to arrive. My hair has been gelled back so it looks quite dark and not like me at all and a black mask disguises my face. I am hoping that none of my family recognize me. As a safeguard I adjust the way I move as well. Anyone watching me should see something other than who I am.

No sooner have we taken up our stations when the guests start to enter and mingle. Initially I make sure that I keep the girls in my sight line but this gets more difficult as the evening wears on. Ana and Christian catch everyone's attention when they arrive. Observing them from behind the bandstand I probably look for all intents and purposes like some sort of over-dressed roadie. With 300 or so guests I should be able to effectively blend into the wallpaper of 50 or 60 staff who are dressed either in all black or all white uniforms. Mia greets Christian in her usual over-enthusiastic way before dragging Ana over to her so-called friends. That little slut Lily is with them and from where I stand I can hear her say something to Ana about Christian being gay. _That's my line, bitch._ To her credit Mia tells her off before Christian reclaims Ana. Looking across the dance floor I notice Kate watching them carefully. I hope that she is seeing them the way that I am. Of course, it so unusual to see Christian with a date that everything seems different for me. Kate will be watching with a lot more objectivity I suppose.

They socialize with various groups of people for a while and I watch as Kate and Jen move through with the other waiters topping up champagne as they go. Kate is such a natural. Eventually the guests are summoned into the dinner tent. When I see my grandparents in the tent I know I have to get out of there. There is no way that my grandmother isn't going to recognize me.

Being outside gives me the opportunity to walk the garden perimeter for myself before heading out to the boathouse. Checking in with Jason who is inside the main tent everything seems to be secure. Luke Sawyer is out by the cars with a team monitoring the arrival and valet area. Nothing to report there. I do a check of the boat house and then start heading to the front of the house when I get a message through my ear piece. Someone has been spotted out by the front gate, loitering. I race out to join the team.

"Luke, what have you got?" I arrive just as they are heading back up the drive.

"Don't know. Someone was out there but they hightailed it through the next property and we lost track of them. We will have to wait and see if they make another attempt."

"Did anyone get a description?"

"Small, long dark hair, disheveled clothing, could be female."

"Leila?"

"Could be, Sir." He seems un-phased by this news but I am not. I spend the next hour searching around the area but can't find anything that would give me any indication of where she went, if indeed it was Leila. She's a fucking ghost. _Where are you?_

_**ooOoo**  
_

I wander back through to the makeshift kitchens checking both there and beyond to a tent that has been set aside as a green room for the musicians and photographers. Posing as security has really allowed me to access all areas but I am loathe to go through the house in case I encounter family so keeping on the move like this suits me. Feeling pissed that I have not been able to track the loiterer I almost don't see the people in the tent. After all they have all been through security checks and should all be approved to be there. The space is crowded as the band won't be on stage for another two hours while the dinner and auction are going on. Then a familiar movement catches my eye. One of the photographers is looking directly at me. TJ? What is he doing here?

Startled by his scrutiny it takes a moment for me to see that he knows exactly who I am. I try to traverse the crowded tent to get to him but he slips out the other side and into the darkness. Moving with some speed I push my way through and catch him up as he is heading down towards the pier by the boathouse.

"TJ, wait up." At first I think he isn't going to stop but then he freezes with his back to me before slowly turning around. "Hey, dude, what are you doing here?"

"Elliot, didn't recognize you in that get up. Thought you were security." He plasters a smile across his face. "I got back yesterday. My brother got double booked for a photo gig tonight so I said I would come and do this one for him. Don't let on man, he will get in trouble with the agency if they find out."

Something is up. TJ's brother is a teacher but moonlights as a freelance photographer but this is just a little too weird that either of them would be here tonight. I decide it might be better if I just keep an eye on him rather than try to get to the bottom of this. Seems that I am starting to think like Kate. Maybe a shared confidence.

"I'm not meant to be here. Some guy has been hassling Mia since she got back from Paris so I thought I would slip into town to keep an eye on her tonight. Don't particularly want anyone from the family to know I am here though so I can spend a few more uninterrupted days of bliss with Kate."

TJ relaxes a bit and laughs. _Come on man, tell me what you are really doing here. _

"Can understand that. She's a hot woman, I wouldn't mind tapping that." This earns a frown. TJ has on occasion been my wing man, picking up the pieces of some broken heart. Kate doesn't fit this category and if I wasn't trying to pump him for information I'd put his lights out for that comment. "Family, huh, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em."

"Yeah, something like that."

"I better get back to it. I was just on my way out to the boathouse to see where the best angles are for the fireworks later on."

"Sure thing, man, I'll let you get back to it. Come over to the house tomorrow, we can have a few beers and a jam in the studio." Don't let him know that you suspect anything out of the ordinary.

"What, and watch you and Kate make out all day? No, thanks." He laughs and it is almost a proper TJ response.

"Nah, Jen and Karen are staying. You can show me the photos." An apprehensive look flicks through his eyes.

"Sure, I'll give you a call. No promises." With that he turns and starts to walk away.

"Oh, and Teej. If anyone asks, I'm not here right."

"Right."

Retreating back into the tent I am able to observe him making his way down to the boathouse. Before he gets to the end of the garden he turns in the opposite direction and heads back towards the drinks marquee. It only takes moments to slip out after him as he makes his way to a secluded area overshadowed by large oak trees. Sticking to the dark shadows and trying to be as quiet as possible I see the figure of a man step from behind a tree into his path. Tension is evident in TJ's stance but I can't make out the face of this newcomer. Using all my skill to stay undetected I sneak as close as I can to try to overhear.

"Did you get anything?"

"No, they are sticking with the main action in the dinner tent. Nothing to see."

"Keep an eye on them. I would lay odds that they will slip out at some point and I want you to follow them when they do." The voice isn't familiar and the darkness ensures that I still can't make out the face.

"Did you get the photos of Mia and Carrick together." _Why, what would anyone want with photos of my sister and my Dad?_

TJ echoes my thoughts, "Yeah, although why you want those I'll never know."

"It's not your job to know why. All you have to do is keep providing me with what I want."

"I'm not gonna keep doing this forever, at some point my debt to you will be paid. I don't want anything more to do with this." TJ sounds pissed off and upset. So whatever this is he is being blackmailed to do it. Next thing the shadow's hand snakes out, grabs TJ by the collar and shoves him hard up against a tree.

"Listen, you little prick, I own your ass. If I say jump you say how high. Got it. This is over when I fucking say it's over and not before. Now get your pansy ass back into that tent and give me what I want." He lets go of TJ who leans over gasping for air. In a reflex action I take a step to go and help when a dry twig breaks noisily under my foot. The perp's head snaps up and looks in my direction before he turns and stalks back through the trees. Now I am torn between pursuing him or staying with TJ. I can't follow without letting TJ know I am there so I wait for him to get himself under control and then watch as he heads back towards the house. Once he is out of sight I radio to Luke to see if he can head off the shadow while I set off in pursuit. The going is tough in the dark and I can't make out any movement until I emerge out onto the street beyond where Luke is standing.

"Anything?"

"No. He certainly didn't come out this way."

"Fuck. That's 0 for 2. I have no idea who it was. Couldn't see him properly and couldn't identify the voice. Between he and Leila we're not having much fucking success. I almost had him but then he heard me coming. Can't get a fucking break."

"I don't know. If we have managed to keep the guests safe then perhaps it was a good thing. Better that they disappear rather than cause chaos in a crown like this."

Reluctantly, I nod but I would rather have ended it all tonight. Instead we have just prolonged the problem.

**ooOoo**

It has been a while since I have seen Kate and I am anxious to make sure she is safe. As I approach the main marquee I see her moving through balancing a dessert plate covered with a silver cloche. Breathing a sigh of relief, I can see that she is okay. Movement catches my eye from the family table as Mia and Ana leave the tent to go to the restrooms. Jason catches my eye from the other side of the tent and I nod as he leaves to follow Ana while I take over the surveillance of the main tent. My body is on high alert and I have a whole new level of respect for Jason and his team.

The auction begins as the girls come back to the tent and Kate comes over to stand next to me. We watch with amusement and awe as Ana bids $24,000 on a holiday at Christian's Aspen property.

"Where the hell did she get that money?" Kate looks stunned.

"Don't give the game away now babe. I guess Christian has given her a budget for the evening. He is nothing if not generous in his philanthropy." Kate seems mollified by this answer.

The real interest comes when the first dance auction starts. Mia has rounded up all the available females including a reluctant Ana. This is a popular part of the evening and the ladies are fetching good prices. Then a bidding war between Christian and another bidder breaks out over Ana. The rivalry is causing a stir until Christian goes over the top with a massive $100,000 bid that pretty much silences the crowd. Kate turns open-mouthed to me.

"I told you so." I surreptitiously take her hand and squeeze it. "My little brother has it bad."

Once it is all over and the musicians start to set up, Kate moves off to start clearing the tables and serve coffee and dessert wines while Jason follows Ana and Christian as they leave the tent. They are heading into the house. _I know what you are going to do little brother. There is no way that I am going to stand outside and listen to that._ I leave them to it while I watch the general area but then I see TJ approaching the house. _Shit, this is what he has been waiting for. No fucking way, dude._

Heading him off at the door, I grab his arm and steer him into a secluded spot.

"What the fuck are you doing TJ?" My voice is a low snarl as I try to intimidate an answer out of him.

"Nothing I was just going for a drink of water."

"Don't fucking lie to me TJ. I saw you before in the garden. Someone hired you to do this job and it sure as hell wasn't your brother."

"Fuck off Elliot. You don't know jack shit about what is going on here."

"No? Why don't you enlighten me… _Buddy_." I stare him down.

"Look, it's just a few photos of you and your family. Nothing big but it will keep this prick from calling in his favors and having my legs broken."

"And why would your legs need breaking, Teej?"

"Ah shit Elliot, can't you just leave well enough alone." This is getting me nowhere. He is not going to talk.

"OK, how about you tell me where you were really going just now. Hoping to get some more shots of Ana and Christian?"

"Yeah, why not. They are hot news at the moment. Your brother has been such a sexual recluse. This is big and people are interested."

"Yeah, well this is a private party and I don't appreciate you leaking photos that aren't part of the official evening. And since you aren't going to tell me anything I am going to take this." I reach down to grab the camera, wrenching it open and pulling out the memory card.

"Fuck you, man. This is a charity event and your brother has gone public with this chick. I'm just doing a job so give me back those fucking photos."

"Teej, cut the shit. That prick is blackmailing you. Do you really think that he is going to back off once you hand over this card? He's only just beginning to play with you and you are going to get yourself deeper in shit."

There is a moment of hesitation as this hits home. He knows that he is never going to be free of this prick. "My brother's life could depend on that." Teej sound desperate. I stare down at him and realize that there is a very real fear in his eyes. _He's fucking terrified._

"Tell you what, I am going to take this and you are going to go home. Tomorrow you will call around to the house and I will give you whatever photos I deem appropriate for you to have, as long as you tell me what this guy is holding over you. In the meantime these are mine and your evening is over. Get the fuck out, before I change my mind."

Nodding reluctantly, TJ pulls away. I try to get my own breathing under control as I watch his retreating back. I radio Luke to make sure that TJ leaves the property then go in search of Kate.


	8. Chapter 8: Welcome to the Masquerade

_**We've got the power, who's got the action? **_

_**Break it down 'til there's nothing but a mere fraction **_

_**Out of the fire, rise from the ashes **_

_**Reject your doubt and release the passion  
Let's get on it, believe if you want it **_

_**Step into the realm where the real ones flaunt it **_

_**Come back, rewind, another time on it **_

_**Reach out, take that but now step on it  
I'm not one to scare the masses **_

_**But there's somethings that melt the plastic **_

_**Try and dig down deeper if you can  
I'm not afraid, I'm not ashamed **_

_**I'm not to blame, welcome to the masquerade **_

_**I'm not ashamed, I'm not afraid **_

_**I'm not okay, welcome to the masquerade **_

_**Welcome to the masquerade**_

_**THOUSAND FOOT KRUTCH - WELCOME TO THE MASQUERADE**_

* * *

This waiter gig is one of the most tiring things I have ever done. I am sure that junior is probably adding to my fatigue but on top of that, being on my feet all night, not speaking unless spoken to and the constant back and forth from the kitchens to the tables has left my body feeling tired and listless. From the moment that the first guests arrive we are worked off our feet. Standing on this side of all this power is interesting and unsettling. When faces are hidden by masks and the help is all but invisible it is amazing how much the fear is bubbling below the surface of all that bravado. Fear of being really unmasked, fear of failure. It makes me wonder about secrets and self confidence as flip-sides of the same coin. Oh, the dirt I could get by playing this role of fly on the wall. Hopefully, my own masquerade will net some results when it comes to finding out about the threats to the Greys.

My responsibilities have centered around the Grey family table but as yet I haven't overheard any thing particularly useful from their conversation. What does interest me the way that Christian and Ana are together and the family's reaction to them. Christian is so protective and even if he doesn't let Ana touch him, which I don't fully understand, he is always touching her in a series of maneuvers that I recognize from Elliot's repertoire. The other family members are trying very hard not to show any emotion but there is something akin to doting amazement in their body language. I would love to talk to Mia and drill down to what she is thinking and feeling right now. As far as I can tell, her date is barely getting any of her attention tonight. She is completely focused on Christian and Ana. For her part, Ana looks really uncomfortable throughout most of the dinner, right up until she gets back from the bathroom with Mia. Now she is a little more relaxed but still a bit flushed. I hope that the food isn't disagreeing with her or that she isn't drinking too much.

Elliot arrives in the tent just as the auction starts and we watch with interest as Ana spends a cool $24k of what I assume is Christian's money on a week in Aspen. Ana looks absolutely beautiful tonight in a silver-gray dress that I have never seen before. If that email is correct and Christian is buying her clothes and dictating what she wears then he is doing an incredible job and I am tempted to get him to take over as my stylist. The guy has exquisite taste and I wonder if he isn't still just a little bit gay. No straight man should be able to pair that dress with those shoes. Ana's hair has been cut in a layered style that I have never seen on her before, she is wearing tasteful Cartier drop earrings and I wonder once more about Mr Control-Freak and if I can have the name of her hairdresser.

My feet are aching so much as I go to clear the plates at the end of the auction. Not feeling the pinch half as much as Christian's wallet after that ridiculously high bid in the first dance auction. One hundred thousand dollars! Who bids that much money on a single dance? That isn't to say that Ana isn't worth every penny but there must have been a collective shrinkage of testicles in the room when every other man registered what they would have to bid to up the value of their respective partners. _Hard fucking act to follow, Christian._

Elliot's parents have had huge grins on their faces all evening as they watch Ana and Christian. I guess they are confirming everything that Elliot has been trying to convince me of in the past two weeks. This is different and they are all over the moon at the prospect of having Ana in the family. A little green envy fairy lands on my shoulder and whispers uncharitable words in my ear. I hope they are as enthusiastic about me especially with junior on the way. That is assuming that Elliot and I stay together. _Oh, Kavanagh, who the hell do you think you're kidding? All you are doing is delaying the inevitable. He knows it, you know it. Why are you fighting him so hard? _Because I am watching as carefully constructed facades start to crumble around me and I am terrified that we won't make it. Like the power couple over there, she is a CEO of a major finance company, he is a best selling author and I know already that he is screwing his assistant because I caught them not half an hour ago in a utility room. Then there is the wife of the television soap director who has been indulging in the ultimate cliche of powder in the powder room. She has already thrown herself unsuccessfully at one of the waiters. And there are at least three rather nervous looking powersuits who seem to be trying to get an audience with Christian with no luck. The facades are definitely cracking.

**ooOoo**

Ana and Christian disappear after the auction and I go back to clearing tables as the band sets up. I am not really focused due to exhaustion and I don't so much see as hear the two female voices near me. I slow down my work so I can hover once I hear who they are talking about.

"Christian is certainly making a spectacle of himself tonight, Elena." I glance to my right and notice bitch-features sitting there in that ridiculous coverall get up. _Skank._ Then I notice who she is sitting with and my heart sinks as I recognize the other peroxide blonde, Gia Matteo, wearing a black and silver number that plunges to a deep v in both the front and the back. She has obviously used double sided tape to keep herself in and I find myself praying for some sort of wardrobe malfunction. _Skank squared._ This stupid white suit makes me feel more frumpy than I have ever felt in my life and I am grateful for the mask and the eternally held notion that being the help makes me invisible. _Wallpaper it is!_

"I am sure he thinks he is in love."

"And you don't agree?" Skank 2 takes a sip of wine and licks her lips. I can tell she is all but making herself available to any man who might happen to be watching them from across the room. Nobody is looking. _Double skank._

"Christian is incapable of love." _Bullshit, bitch._ I may not like Christian's lifestyle choice much but even I can see that he is besotted with Ana. I resist the temptation to trip and spill this half empty glass of Riebke Shiraz over the bitch.

"Yes, well, you are an expert in what Christian Grey is capable of." _Ooh. What is it with these women?_

"I am actually. Eventually he will tire of her. Then you will be able to make your move." What? First she has Elliot and now she wants Christian. Her skankiness knows no end!

"Oh, I don't know. I think making my move might force his hand." A smarmy little smile creeps across her face that I could slap into the middle of next month let alone next week! _Maybe the wind will change and freeze that ugliness on you, Skank. Stop thinking bitter thoughts, Kate, it must be bad for the baby._

"Gia, don't under-estimate him. Christian Grey will not be backed into a corner. If you want to play with him you will have to wait your turn." _Over my fucking dead body._ "And you will have to be smarter than you were with Elliot. If you want either one of them they need to be controlled. Ana doesn't have what it takes to keep Christian in line but I think Kate Kavanagh might be able to succeed where you failed." _Too right, bitch, but not for the reasons you think._

"Yes, well, Kate Kavanagh might have Elliot's interest right now but he doesn't do faithful. I should know, I have been the other woman in several attempts on his heart. He always comes back to me. The thought of having both of the Grey's at once has a lot of appeal. I am sure I could get them to share and then I could give you something else to add to your portfolio."_Holy, skanky ho bi-atch. _Unable to hold back at this point,I turn to them quickly up-ending the tray at their feet. The massive crash of glass causes a splash of wine which to my delight manages to fall mostly on Gia who leaps up shrieking.

"Oh, you stupid little witch. Look what you've done." A couple of other servers rush over to help her and she slaps them away grabbing at napkins and stalking off to the ladies room muttering something about getting me fired. Meanwhile Elena leans back in her seat and smirks before finishing her wine and following after Gia at a more sedate pace.

I am down on my knees trying to pick up the larger pieces of glass when I see a black suit join me. Carrick leans over to pick up the silver tray and helps me silently. Another server has brought out a dustpan and broom to sweep up the rest of the glass and another has a bucket and mop. It has never really occurred to me what a well-oiled machine staff at a function like this would need to be. No one says much except to support each other. If I was worried about my job I might be crying right now but I can't summon up any tears when inside I am celebrating my success.

"Are you going to tell me what you and my son are up to Miss Kavanagh?" My body freezes and I keep my eyes on the ground in front of me. Shit. Carrick knows that we are here? How many of the others have recognized us? As if reading my mind he says, "Don't worry, I don't think anyone else has recognized you so at the moment you're secret is safe but not for much longer if you want to keep making these little scenes."

"I'm sorry." Standing up I stretch a bit having been frozen in an awkward position for a while. "I didn't mean to ruin your guests' evening."

"On the contrary, Kate, I think that is exactly what you intended to do. And given whose night you ruined I am not sure I am that concerned. What I am concerned about is why Elliot is running around the property like a mad man and why you are posing as a servant when you should be here as part of my family, just as Ana is." He looks at me with a genuine fatherly smile. "Should I be worried about this?"

"We…I….I think you need to talk to Elliot but can it wait until tomorrow? If you come to his house I am sure we will be able to explain everything." Please don't blow our cover.

"Kate, I take it that this is something to do with the information leaks to your father. If it is any consolation your father called me to let me know that you were on your way back to Seattle for tonight. He thought it might be useful if I knew, just in case anything went wrong so I was actually looking out for you both."

O_h! Thanks for the heads up, Dad._ "Hopefully if I don't let my temper get my better of me again then nothing will go wrong. We are only after information."

"So you got angry because of something that they were saying about Ana?"

"Ah, no. It was what they were saying about Christian." _And Elliot. _Carrick gives me a surprised look. Yeah I never thought I would hear those words out of my mouth either but Christian is my best friend's boyfriend and my future brother-in-law. No one gets to dis him but his closest family and friends.

"Thank you Kate. Let me know if there is anything that you need and tell that son of mine that I will talk to him tomorrow."

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

**ooOoo**

I turn from him and walk quickly through to the kitchen trying to catch my breath. After all of this I have no idea what we might have found out except to confirm what I have always known, Gia Matteo and Elena Lincoln are both skanky bitches. You wouldn't need a PhD to work that out. I just hope that Elliot or Jason have had a little more success. Jen races over to meet me at the door.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just poured a really expensive Shiraz all over Gia's very cheap and nasty dress."

"What a waste of good wine." We both giggle and she takes me through to the bathroom to try to soak off the small splashes of red on my white pants. When we come out we run straight into both Jason and Elliot.

"Kate, where were you?" Elliot looks a little frantic which is kind of sweet.

"Calm down, cowboy. I'm fine. I had a little run in with your ex. We had a disagreement over the vintage of the red."

"My what? What do you mean?"

"Oh she came at me with both guns blazing and then there was broken glass and red stuff everywhere." The look of horror on his face is priceless and Jen and I get a fit of the giggles again. Even Jason smirks but Elliot looks about ready to lose his mind. I really shouldn't tease but it's so easy.

"Shit, Kate, are you insane? Fuck, you promised that you would stay out trouble." I should have seen this coming. His arm goes around my shoulder and his other hand is placed protectively over my stomach. My good mood immediately stops as I look from Jen to Jason who are both looking at us wide eyed. Fuck. Could you telegraph this any louder?

"You're pregnant? Shit Kate. You've been on your feet all night. And that witch might have done something to you." Jen is building up to a full scale rant and any moment someone from the family is likely to walk past this doorway.

"Elliot, you fuckwit. You let her come here tonight? Jesus." Jason has turned to get in Elliot's face and for a moment I think he is going to punch him he looks so angry. Jen is glaring at me.

Almost in unison we both reply. "She's/I'm pregnant. Not sick!" Which only serves to make us all crack up laughing. The way that Elliot is on the same page with me about this but still managing to want to be protective just pulls at my heart strings even more. I could imagine Christian wanting to lock Ana up. Elliot supports me. We can't take our eyes off each other as we both feel the connection. I adore this man not because he is sexy as all hell or because he is beautiful but because he sees me, really sees me.

"Seriously, man. You have to get her home. She's exhausted." Jason gives me a smile and reaches out to tip my chin up. He's right. I am exhausted but I put that down to the past couple of weeks and the travel back from Barbados. "You need to take care of your family."

"Yes, I am going to let the boss know that we are leaving." Jen moves off to sign us out.

"Listen, Jason, no one knows and we would rather keep it that way for a while longer. It's too soon to say anything so just…"

"Enough said, man. Just get her home. I'll take care of things here. We lost our best leads tonight so let's just call it a night, huh."

"Sure. Come on, babe. Jason, we will need to find some time to sit down and debrief tonight." I look from one to the other, wondering what they have found out.

"I'll try to get away for a couple of hours tomorrow but frankly Christian is likely to have us all on lock down if he thinks Leila is armed. We need to find her fast."

"Let me know. I am going to have to deal with whatever is on this SD-card. I will send you the files once I have had a look at them." SD-card? What? What the hell did I miss?

**ooOoo**

Jen comes out just then and hustles us out to the car. Elliot climbs into the back and I am asleep on his shoulder before we have made it onto the highway. He carries me into the house and up to our room. Before I can even really stir he has me changed and spooning within minutes and rather than analyse the evening we both slip into a deep sleep. An hour or so later his phone is ringing and we both bolt upright in bed.

"Jason, I've put you on speaker. What's up?"

"Hey guys, I hope I didn't wake you. We had a break in tonight. Seems that Leila got into the apartment. She trashed Ana's car."

"Shit, did you catch her." Elliot's arm has gone around my shoulder and he pulls me protectively into his body as if the threat could be outside our door.

"No. She's like a fucking ghost." Jason sounds understandably exhausted and pissed off.

"Is Ana okay?" I am almost too afraid to ask. She's a strong person but I have no idea how she will react to this kind of blatant attack. For the first time in this whole Leila thing I am really afraid for Ana's safety.

"Yeah, Kate, I sent her and Christian off to a hotel for the night. They are using my credit card so they won't be able to be traced. I've got a couple of guys stationed with them that even Christian doesn't know about. They will keep an eye on them until I can get things under control here. Please try not to worry too much. You have to look after that baby."

His concern almost makes me cry and I snuggle into Elliot who leans down and kisses my hair.

"Thank you Jason. Thank you for looking after her for me." I think I really am on the verge of tears now.

"Kate, it's my job, but I really care about her. Don't worry, they are my top priority right now."

"Jason, keep us informed. I will talk to you in the morning. And buddy?"

"Yeah."

"Be careful."

"Sure thing, Elliot, laterz."


	9. Chapter 9: Bound to You

_**Sweet love, sweet love, trapped in your love **_

_**I've opened up, unsure I can trust **_

_**My heart and I were buried in dust **_

_**Free me, free us**_

_**You're all I need when I'm holding you tight **_

_**If you walk away I will suffer tonight**_

_**I found a man I can trust and boy, I believe in us **_

_**I am terrified to love for the first time **_

_**Can you see that I'm bound in chains? **_

_**I've finally found my way**_

_**I am bound to you I am bound to you**_

_**CHRISTINA AGUILERA - BOUND TO YOU**_

_******A/N: A little artistic license taken here. I know that Gail is meant to be older but I wanted another option for the connection to Elliot. Also I think she isn't meant to be at the apartment at this point but I wanted her to have the conversation with Kate.  
**_

* * *

_Sunday June 12_

First thing in the morning we are both up and on high alert even though we are still exhausted. Jen and Karen have prepared breakfast and are doing everything they can to pamper Kate which means that Karen knows about the baby. I look at the shadows under Kate's eyes. She is too exhausted to worry about them both knowing it seems. Her father has already been on the phone this morning and sent through more photos. These ones are of Kate and I in Barbados and Haiti including some fairly candid shots of us in the outdoor bathtub and one of us dancing together at Zanzibar's. While we are no longer concerned about who is taking the photos, I would still like to slam a fist into that little pervert's face for following us around. TJ might be being blackmailed but no one else was holding the fucking camera down in Barbados. I just wish we knew who TJ is being blackmailed by.

Later in the morning I slide Kate's car into the carpark at Escala. Jason's ugly mug greets us at the elevator and he escorts us upstairs but not before Kate does a double take at Ana's car.

"Shit, I love that car. What sort of sick fuck does that?" My girl has a way with words. Jason looks pretty damn grim and I know that he is pissed off that Leila has managed to get into Escala on his watch.

"You are doing everything you can, Jase. You're gonna have to let this one go." I put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him.

"Yeah, well tell that to your brother. Fuckin' chewed my ass out something fierce last night, damn near tore me a new one. Not that I blame him. If anything had happened to Ana…" _Yeah we get it man._ The elevator ride to the penthouse is silent, full of words no one wants to say out loud. Since Ana and Christian are away today it is a good opportunity for Kate to see the security set up that Jason has. Right now I would do anything to put her mind at rest about Jason's ability to do his job. Just didn't think I would be reassuring him of this too.

Meeting the security team at Escala most of whom were present at Bellevue last night helps Kate to understand how much effort is being put into both protecting Ana and finding the threat. Most of the time I would say that Christian overdoes this shit but today I am grateful that he is a complete anal retentive. Kate asks lots of questions which Jason is quick to answer including talking about some of the measures that might not be completely legal. Like I said, every effort is being made here. Eventually we move into the main room which is an open plan kitchen, dining and living room. Kate whistles as she looks around taking it all in.

"Your brother doesn't do anything by halves does he?" I smile. Yeah, it's like a big white womb for a big giant prick. Hey, I can think that, he's my little brother. Just then a statuesque blonde enters the room and my smile goes into megawatt mode. Gail Jones is still one of the most beautiful girls from my high school year and one of the nicest women I know. She is statuesque and stunning with her stylish uniform of a straight navy skirt and white fitted shirt. Her hair pulled back into a neat bun and minimal make-up. Gail is one of those people who give off a Martha Stewart vibe and you just feel safe. She manages to make this mausoleum feel like a home for a start.

"Kate, this is Gail Jones, she is Christian's housekeeper." Jason smiles fondly at Gail and I am reminded how much he needs to feel this place is secure for his own peace of mind. Jason and Gail used to date in high school but broke up before graduation. A year after school finished they both married other people and Jason joined the marines. Jason and Kelly had Sophie, their daughter seven years ago but then Kelly had an affair with another officer and they divorced while he was still deployed. Gail's husband Paul was a cop, killed in the line of duty. Her world falling apart coincided with Christian's corporate rise and a week after he bought and moved into Escala I convinced him to hire Gail as a housekeeper. Within a month Jason was back from Afghanistan and looking for a private security gig. Once more I was able to get his name in front of Welch, Christian's corporate security specialist. Jason and Gail fell back into each others arms almost straight away and haven't looked back. One day he will make an honest woman of her but I suspect a lot of what holds them back is the delicate relationship he has with his ex-wife and his need to protect his daughter. Neither of them will ever know how grateful I am that they are here for Christian.

"Hi Gail, it is so nice to meet you. I have heard great things about you." Kate does that genuine warm interest thing that she does and I can see Gail visibly relax under her charm. After some small talk and a quick tour of the apartment we stop back by the kitchen for coffee. Kate opts for a weak tea and I wonder if she is starting to feel sick. I am trying so hard not to hover but I can't help worry that she is pushing herself too hard. Gail gives me one of those looks that says I am acting weird so I put every ounce of energy into trying to look normal. I shrug at her and she glares at me. She's worse than Mia. Mia would have flat out asked, Gail just knows. It's creepy, clairvoyant shit. Luckily she turns her attention to Kate.

"Kate, I want you to know how much Ana has come to mean to us. Jason and I have wanted to see Christian have a normal relationship for a long time. Ana seems to be reaching him on a level that no one else ever has. I know that there was a lot of hurt on both sides last week during the break up but I really believe that they will be good together." Gail looks worried that Kate won't support this idea. I try to get her to back down a little with a quick shake of my head. I don't want Kate to start in on all the very valid reasons why she doesn't trust Christian but then she surprises me.

"Gail, if you had said that to me a few days ago I would have bitten your head off. Just ask Elliot." Her hand snakes up and touches my neck and I lean into her. "But after last night, I had to reevaluate my position. Christian's body language and attentiveness said so much, he never took his eyes off her and he moved around her like a satellite. I can tell she loves him and I have to say, that if I didn't know about the other stuff then I would have said without a doubt that he loves her."

"But you're not convinced about their lifestyle choice?" Gail is pretty astute at reading people. Jason has that look that says he would rather be anywhere but here right at this moment. Yep, talking about tying people up and beating them for sexual gratification is likely to do that for you.

"I just…I guess it is outside my experience. On some levels I can see the appeal of some of it but the hard core stuff. I just don't know." This candid discussion about my brother's sexuality is doing my head in. I clear my throat a little and turn around to stare out the windows of the giant,cavernous vagina while the ladies continue to wax lyrical about bondage.

"Look, we have been around this for a long time now and there has only been one time that I would have called questionable. I think Christian takes a great deal of care to learn what his partner's want. He has always been very careful and attentive even if he has been standoffish up until now. They certainly all seemed fairly besotted with him in the past. Hence this Leila Williams situation." Gail is so open about all of this that I am fairly damn sure that I am blushing. I really don't think I want to know this about my little brother. Looking over at Jason I can see that he feels the same. Do we really have to talk about this shit? I think right now I would rather have a prostate examination.

"But what makes Ana different?" Fuck me, Kate is clearly not going to drop the topic.

"That is simple, although I can't answer the 'why' other than to say she deserves his love more than anyone he has ever brought here. The 'what' is that he is letting her into his life. In the past his subs have only ever slept in their allotted bedroom next to the playroom. They were no more than employees. Even though some of them thought they might become more."

"Are you saying that they never slept in his bed?" Even I am a little taken by surprise. So much that I nearly choke on my coffee. Kate thumps me on the back. "Steady there, cowboy." Jason has a smirk on his face, prick.

"No, nor did they meet his parents or attend family functions or get their photographs take with him and published in local and national newspapers. Kate, Ana didn't even realize how much he was letting her in at first. I think she understands better now. They have a long way to go but she is reaching him in a way that I have never seen before and he genuinely loves her even if he doesn't know it yet." Gail seems fairly intent on convincing Kate and I am grateful, really, but couldn't they just make a girlie date for shopping or something? Do they have to have this heart to heart with us in the room?

Kate is taking all of this in when Jason, gormless prick that he is, gets a smile on his face and speaks up, looking at Gail as he does. "Perhaps Kate needs to see the playroom." Gail's eyes widen a fraction with a hint of smile and then she nods, sliding the key over to me.

Shit, I haven't been in there for years and it shocked the hell out of me back then. I wonder how Kate is going to take this.

"Guys, I don't know…"

"Listen, we are going to make ourselves scarce. Welch's team have pretty much finished up changing all the locks and they will be heading off soon. My guys are on other tasks including going through hours of security footage. We will leave you to explore on your own. Just come and check in with me in the monitor room when you are ready to leave. By all accounts Ana and Christian won't be back until this afternoon. Take some time." _Son of a …._

There is a lot of fucking innuendo in that last comment. What, does he want me to screw Kate in the playroom? I don't think so, sicko. You might be alright with all of this stuff, living here for four years could make you immune I suppose, but I don't want to think about what Christian does in his leisure time.

We slowly make our way up the stairs and I can feel the apprehension in Kate's body but see the curiosity on her face. She really wants to know about this which I am going to put down to investigative journalism training rather than any inherent kinky streak. I already know she likes being tied up and spanked, that's enough for me really. Inserting the key into the lock my nerves kick in and my hand shakes as I open the door.

Fuck me. From the giant white vagina to the small red room of pain. Christian has some pretty sick tastes in decor. Everything is very much as I remember it. The large four poster bed, the couch, the wall mounted equipment and draws and cabinets that I assume are full of toys. This place is a sadists wet dream. Quite literally. Kate's mouth is open in a wide o shape as she feels for my hand. I close the door behind us and lock it, out of fear that one of the security team might stumble up here and see this. Kate does a slow spin in the middle of the room surveying every corner.

"Oh, fucking, my." Her voice is a hushed whisper.

"This is pretty much as I recall it. I'm sorry babe. It's a bit confronting."

She is over at the wall of canes and riding crops, slowly running her hand along them before moving to the spreader bars and cuff arrangements attached to the walls. Without hesitation she straps herself into a leather cuff, testing out the strength of it. Then she gazes up at the track and pulley system hanging from the ceiling and tilts her head curiously. I reach up and grab a chain, giving it a firm tug to test its weight bearing capability.

"Is that thing safe?"

"Should be. Are you questioning my skills?" I watch her quickly look to me. I give a small shrug and turn away to test the chain further.

"You installed this? How the hell could you do that without Christian having to explain all of it to you?"

"For a bright boy, Christian is a fucking idiot. He thinks he can just buy all of this shit off the Internet without any worries. Problem was the day it was all delivered they just dropped boxes in the service bay and left Jason to it. Jason was relatively new back then so he did the only thing he could think of and called me. Luckily Christian was away so we sat here for half a day working out what it was for, how to put together and then fixing it to the ceiling. That was the first time I saw the play room and the last."

Kate giggles. "Poor baby. That must have been horrific for you."

"Mm…confronting yes but horrific no. You don't work at a place like Sirens without seeing some pretty kinky shit." There is a memory hovering there that I don't want to draw on right now. Luckily I catch Kate's flirty little smirk.

"What are you smirking at Miss K? What are you thinking now?" I can see that this room is unsettling her. I just want to get her out of here.

"I am just wondering if you can put the other cuff on me, actually." Holy shit. Katie, what the hell? Her smile is shy but her eyes tell me that she really wants this. I stroll over, still questioning in my mind if she really wants it or not. I get a whiff of a very aroused Kate which makes me want to get her in that cuff quickly but she halts me with one hand. Shit, she was just teasing.

"Top off first, Grey. I want something pretty to look at." Oh my. Glancing at my watch, I see that we have time so I turn around and head to the sound system. Jason and I played Divynils Touch Myself very loud the day we worked in here. We had to have something to break the tension around what we were doing. I find what I am looking for; a track called Skin by Rihanna.

I turn around, strip my t-shirt over my head and kick my shoes off before walking back to her. Her breath is a little labored and her eyes have darkened. My Katie wants to play games and who am I to resist her. She lifts her hands up as if she expects me to cuff her up but I undo the one already strapping her to the wall. Slowly I strip off her clothes, lifting her t-shirt over her head before cupping her breasts and kissing the skin that bulges over the top of her lacy balcony bra. She has the most beautiful tits and I just want to stay here for a while but I am aware that our time might be limited.

Sliding her jeans down her long legs I help her to take off her shoes and then begin kissing up her legs, licking her soft skin. I slide my hands up the length of her leg and feel her sharp intake of breath as I reach the top and slide back down again, taking her g-string with me as I go. She steps out of the scrappy piece of lace and I can feel how wet the material is and smell the pungent aroma of her desire. My cock is straining against the denim of my jeans and I am reminded that this beautiful woman seems to be able to make me rock hard at the mere suggestion of sex. This blatant invitation just ramps up my need to have her.

I lightly cuff her ankles wanting to restrain her but also wanting her to know that if she needs to she can slide her delicate ankles out. She looks so fucking amazing spreadeagled against the wall. Once her feet are secure I slide my hands slowly up her legs and body as I stand. My hands continue up not breaking contact and lifting her arms straight up in the air. Rather than undo the bra I slide it up her body and over her head making her tits pop out, her hard little nipples scraping the wire and causing a little moan.

Throwing it behind me I take each arm and cuff it again this time pulling on the restraint so that her arms are spread above her head. Once she is secure I step back from her to admire my handy work and her dilated pupils burn into me when she sees my scrutiny. Me looking at her is heightening her desire and for the first time in my adult life I am aware that I can really read what a woman needs just by the little shifts in her body and the nuances of her facial expression. I don't think I have ever been so connected to anyone before Kate and I've been told I am pretty fucking awesome in the sack. I wonder if the connection is a consequence of loving her so much or if it is the connection that made me love her from the moment I met her.

Her breathing is deep and I can see her heart beat pulsing as her breasts gently heave. I concentrate on her, in a way that I never have before. Seeing her there, surrendering to me is hot, I won't deny it, but it also feels like this incredible gift of trust that she is giving me. She wants to trust me, she wants me to take control of her body and give her what she needs and for the first time I am starting to understand what it is about this 'equipment' that appeals to Christian. The tension of waiting for me to move is starting to get to her and I notice the little bead of perspiration on her chest. My eyes are drawn by an almost imperceptible thrust of her pelvis. Her need is ready to burst to the surface which means that she is about to lose control. I need her to take it back. I need to be sure this is what she wants.

"Keep still, baby. Find your center and pull up with your pelvic floor." Her stomach shifts in as her rib cage lifts, I see her tuck her bottom under rather than thrust, she is clenching and it eases her need for a moment. Her eyes focus on mine again, she understands that I know what I am doing and she hands the control back to me. I haven't moved any closer to her while she does this but now I step in.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Kate. Do you need me to touch you?"

"Yes." She whispers and her eyes close as she says this one word as if it is taking all her concentration.

"Where, baby? Where do you need me to be?" I whisper against her lips, without kissing her. My body is softly against hers so that she can feel my chest on hers, my stomach, my erection and thighs all pressed very lightly against her hyper-sensitive skin. My hands are clenched at my sides waiting for her instruction.

"Please, touch me. I need you to touch me all over. I can't…" There is a sensual desperation in her voice.

"Come on, baby. Tell me." My eyes focus on hers and this time I do lean in and lick from her chin along her jaw line and up to her ear. I swirl my tongue around her ear before nibbling on her ear lobe and whispering. "Should I touch your beautiful pussy, baby, is that what you want? You only have to ask."

She nods and I pull away from her shaking my head. "Say it, Kate."

"Please, I need your tongue on me…on my…clit." I know Kate is no prude but this is taking all her willpower to ask for what she needs. I smile. My hands go to her face and hold it firmly while I press a gentle kiss on her lips before sweeping my tongue inside her mouth. We play for a moment and I let her feel what my tongue can do. She whimpers her need into my mouth. Somehow I know that if I kept doing this she would come without any other stimulation but where would the fun be in that.

"Princess, your wish is my command." Suddenly in this situation those stupid fairytale words actually make a whole lot of sense. She wishes, she desires but right now,I command her body and her need.

Dropping to my knees in front of her I leave a trail of kisses down her stomach, lingering for a moment on the space where I imagine Junior is growing. Her body is now this incredible vessel for our child and I want more than anything to take care of her needs. To give her the intense pleasure that she deserves not only for carrying our child or for loving me but simply for being her. My tongue licks over the soft, neatly trimmed, blonde hair at her apex. I lick through her overly wet folds up to her clit and then swirl around, repeating two… three…four times before her body starts to tremor. She was nearer the edge than I ever imagined and I quickly slip my fingers inside her so she has something to clench around as she comes. My tongue continues to flick over her, helping her to ride it out to the bitter end. She doesn't make a sound except to allow her breathing to intensify. As I feel her orgasm start to ebb I pull my hand out from inside and stand up to watch her body again. Carefully taking in the flush of passion across her skin, to listen to her breathing, to look at her sensual face. She is ready to go again.

"Please. I would like to have you inside me. Please Elliot. I am ready, I need you. Please let me." It is a desperate little plea that I would have satisfied without her asking. Her body has already given away her need. Her skin is flushed with a light sheen of perspiration. Her nipples are still sharply erect and she is still clenching hard inside since her pelvis has stilled again. I move to her feet and help her to slip out of the cuffs.

"Can you suspend your weight on the chains?" Her stomach muscles flex as she pulls her legs up off the ground to show me. I grab them before she can put them back down again and wrap them around my waist. I thrust against her knowing the denim will be chafing at her pussy.

"Aagh. Elliot, please, fuck me. Fuck me hard." Without putting her legs down I slip my jeans down and with one sharp thrust I am inside her. She screams straight away and begins pulsing.

"Fuck, Kate. OK baby?" She is still coming around me in little tremors. I have never known her to be this responsive and I wonder at what I have been missing by simply not taking the time to look at her more carefully. The restraints forced this on me and I am already planning where we can install these in our house before her feet hook behind me and pull me in hard.

Grabbing her ass with both hands I start pounding, holding her off the wall slightly so that her back isn't taking too much punishment. Her hands have grabbed the chains in an effort to support herself and I build up a frenzied pace, holding my own orgasm back while she works through me to get to another orgasm. I can feel her reaching with her body, taking my hard thrusts.

"I need to hold you." Quickly I reach up and undo her restraints so she can fully wrap herself around me. Without pulling out I walk her over to the back of the leather couch and place her on the edge of it. Now that she is fully balanced I start thrusting again, varying the pace and straining to press my pelvis against her clit so that she is getting stimulation inside and out. We both feel it coming hard and she can't hold back her screams this time as I drive her over the edge. She is pulsing hard again for the third time when I start to pump my own passion into her body, coming so hard that I can't hold back my own voice.

"Jesus, Kate, fuck, baby." My cock goes off like a shaken champagne bottle exploding, almost emptying but still rock hard on the outside. This woman is the most incredible person I have ever met and my heart is racing as we hold each other trying to keep ourselves steady. If fucking her in my office was amazing then it doesn't even come close to how this just felt. "I love you, Kate, I need you. Do you have any idea what you just did to me? What you always do to me?"

With a slightly breath whisper she replies. "Why don't you tell me?" I pull out of her and sweep her into my arms before placing her on the bed and lying down beside her. We lie on our sides facing each other simply holding each others hand. I'm going to say this and I want to get it right. She deserves to hear exactly how she makes me feel. I lace my fingers through hers then look directly into her pretty eyes.

"Kate, you make me a better man. It is as simple as that. I never wanted to grow up. I didn't know that I wanted to be like this with another person. I thought I understood what my parents had but now I know that I could never have imagined this. Because I couldn't imagine you. When you allowed me to restrain you, when you asked for what you needed, when you trust me like that, to know what your body needs…that is the most intensely moving experience I have ever had. I loved you before today. But every day you find a way to help me to love you better, to love you more. You, this baby, our future, nothing else in this world matters more to me. When I say forever, I hope that you understand that I am never, ever going to let you go."

Her eyes are wide and glistening with unshed tears. For Kate to just listen without comment like this is unusual. I am waiting for her to be as loquacious or to at least argue back with that Kavanagh common sense but she says nothing. Just looks at me before whispering, "Ditto."

Leave it to Kate to completely surprise me, again. I wrap my arms around her and hold her closely. We can only allow ourselves a few minutes before we have to be out of here. I pull her up off the bed and gather our clothes. We borrow the bathrobes off the door and sneak into the spare room for a shower before heading downstairs to check in with Jason and Gail before we leave. All-knowing smiles aside, I am grateful for their suggestion. I have never felt closer to Kate.

We stop for lunch at a small seafood restaurant on the way back to my house. My girl is letting me take control as I order us lunch after which I continue to drive us home. While I would like to think this is an extension of our playroom experience, I can see that she is still exhausted and I know I need to get her home to rest. Karen takes over when we arrive, getting her a cup of tea and settling her into bed. She would have fought me to stay up to talk with TJ but Karen offers the wisdom of one who knows a mother's body and Kate relents.

TJ's arrival at the house about an hour after we get back signals a drop in temperature. In spite of the chill I take him outside with a beer to talk. I figure the cold will make this conversation quick. His usually jovial demeanor is gone as he stares into his drink. I have known him for such a long time, gone through so much together. It hurts to think he has betrayed me and my family. I wait with as much patience as I can muster.

"Elliot, I'm sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you. It was just a few photos. It seemed … harmless." He looks fairly desolate. _Yeah, you should be mortified you little prick._

"Why don't you explain that to my family, TJ? It's one thing to direct your camera at me, but taking photos of my family, of Kate and Ana. Blatant violation of privacy don't you think?" I am trying to keep my voice calm but it is taking every ounce of my energy not to simply punch his fucking lights out and be done with it. I didn't realize how much anger I was holding back until he arrived at the door this afternoon.

"You don't understand. This guy has…stuff on me and my brother that…well, it just can't get out. He promised if I did this for a few months that he would give me the…stuff and we could get on with our lives. I wouldn't care for me but Danny, man, he's a fucking school teacher. Photography is an extra, it doesn't pay the bills. Shit, teaching barely pays the bills and if this got out he would lose his job. He'd never get another teaching gig, his career would be over."

"What are we talking about here Teej? More photos?" TJ wipes a calloused palm across his eyes. Fucker is crying. He must be fucking desperate. "Teej, tell me. There is very little you could say that would be worse than knowing that you have been sneaking around spying on my family for months."

He takes a long slug of his beer and then begins to speak. "Yeah, well this is worse." After a few deep breaths he continues. "We were employed to do a one off gig at Orpheus." Shit, this is news. As far as I know none of the other guys have even stepped foot inside the members-only BDSM club at Sirens. We kept all of our activities in the upstairs venues. "It was really great money and Danny and I had…shared…before. We figured it would be easy. Make a lot of cash and never look back." I know I pay TJ and the boys well above award rates but teachers get a pittance. That's why Danny has always moonlighted either at Sirens as a waiter or elsewhere as a photographer.

"Who hired you?"

"Elena. She said she had a very exclusive client who wanted twins. They were willing to pay 10k for one night." I blow out. Fuck. "Yeah, stupid money right? So we said yes."

"Turns out the clients were a couple. He would sit in the dark and watch while we did his old lady. She wasn't unattractive and it was all going fine until they decided they wanted us in restraints. By this time they had given us a few drinks, a few pills and we were high as fucking kites. Next thing we know there are two other guys in the room with us and a fucking gun." TJ is sobbing now with shame plastered across his face. He doesn't want to tell me this and I don't particularly want to hear. "It started with blow jobs and then…they fucking ripped Danny apart man. Fucking assholes went at him and made me watch the whole fucking thing. All the while the bitch was taking photos and her prick of a husband sat in the dark calling the shots." I think I am going to be sick. This is like Stella all over again.

"Who did it?" He doesn't answer. "Who fucking did this?"

"His name is Jack but that is all I know. I don't have a last name and I don't know why he wants all this stuff. I don't know anything else about him except the prick keeps threatening to give those fucking photos to Danny's boss. He'll never get another teaching job. It'll destroy him, man." While before I was thinking that TJ had just gone turncoat for cash and was a big fucking wimp now I have to reevaluate. This is still my friend, he is like a brother and he has been trying to protect someone he loves. I understand that better than anybody.

But now is the bigger question. Who the fuck is Jack and what the hell does he want with my family?


	10. Chapter 10: Dirty Little Secrets

_**But disaster,  
Here's a good one,  
Did you hear about my friend  
He's embarrassed to be seen now  
Because we all know his sins**_

_**If I had the chance love**_  
_**You know, I would not hesitate**_  
_**To tell you all the things I never said before**_  
_**Don't tell me it's too late**_

_**Cause I've relied on my illusions**_  
_**To keep me warm at night**_  
_**But I denied in my capacity to love**_  
_**I am willing, to give up this fight**_  
_**Oh, I am willing to give up this fight**_

_**Dirty Little Secrets - Sarah MacLachlan**_

* * *

_Sunday June 12_

The upstairs studio has become the war room. We have printed out all the evidence, every photograph, every report, every news item that has been forwarded to my father. This includes all the photos from TJ's SD-card and the background research that I have managed to gather so far. There are documents and photos stuck on to windows with tape and pinned to every available surface. I keep adding post-it notes and labels to everything as we talk, trying to find patterns and connections. We scribble endless notes onto the whiteboard. Everything is both meaningless and totally relevant.

Carrick drops in after dinner and we start again as we talk him through all the evidence. Jack has some connection with Elena which may or may not be simply about the club. Certainly Club Orpheus is a connection between Jack, Elena, Elliot, Linc and Christian although Elliot is fairly certain that Christian hasn't been there for the last two years. Dad has confirmed the member lists which show Elena and Linc have been active members at the club, they both are still involved but we can't ascertain to what extent or how often. Jack hired TJ and Danny through Elena which may mean that he really did just want twins or that he was targeting someone who could get close to Elliot. The photos date back many years from public records but the recent ones have been taken in public spaces for the most part, in the past few weeks. Elliot at various building sites, studying plans with that bitch Gia, then the photos at the Heathman, outside my apartment, in Barbados and Haiti. It seems that TJ hasn't taken all of these and there is a good chance that Danny was involved in taking those prior to us going to Barbados. There are also photos of Grey properties, Bellevue, Grey House, Escala, Richmond, Elliot's site offices and photos of many of Christian's staff including Jason and Luke.

"I just wish we knew more about this prick than his first name." Elliot's frustration is palpable and I find myself wrapping an arm around him trying to keep him calm. Carrick smiles at us fondly as I try to placate my man. Once more, we have discovered that we work together seamlessly as a team, talking through every insane idea, allowing space for each person to think and process and come up with another question or line of inquiry. For someone who is so physically distracting and often over the top funny, I find him easy to be around and incredible switched on. More importantly, when he is with me it is like he is himself. Not the image that the world has of him.

"We'll work it out, babe. OK, let's start again. Jack hires TJ and Danny through Elena. They are required to service a couple at the club. The couple includes Jack and a woman named Elizabeth who may or may not be his wife. Two other men were involved but we don't know anything about them. We think that Linc may be connected as well as or instead of Elena, since he has motive, but that really is only speculation. However, Elena may have simply been used for the hiring by any other club member." I don't believe for a moment that she isn't tit deep in this whole mess. If evil had a name it would be Elena Sodding Lincoln. However, I am also aware, that as yet, Elliot hasn't come clean with me about either of the Lincolns. He has a history with them and for us to really work out where we are blurring the boundaries on this investigation he is going to have to lay it all out. When he is ready. I just hope he is ready soon because we seem to be running out of time.

"I can't imagine her being involved in any of this. She has been such a good friend to your mother over the years. She wouldn't do anything to betray her." Carrick speaks while looking at the photograph of he and Elena leaving the hospital a few years back. "She was so badly beaten in this attack, I can't imagine that she would want any connection with Linc."

Elliot's eyes focus on mine. He has made no secret of the fact that he doesn't like Elena but he has never explained why. I can see that he is not prepared to have this discussion in front of Carrick so I let it drop. _You are going to tell me and soon._

"I think we are going to have to get into Orpheus and nose around." I keep my voice level, trying not to incite the predictable riot that will come from Elliot if he thinks I am going to be involved in this. _Don't you get all overprotective on me now Grey. We still have a long way to go._

"Kate, I can see a certain amount of sense in what you are saying but if you undertake any sort of search without a warrant then you are putting us all in a difficult situation." Carrick is frowning at another photo, this one is an old one of Carrick and Grace with baby Mia standing outside the hospital. Two little boys are with them. A blonde smiling open-faced Elliot and a much smaller copper-haired and sullen Christian. How these older photos have got into the hands of this Jack is anyone's guess. I wonder who took this particular photo.

"Mr Grey, I understand what you are saying and there are certain lines that I won't cross. My internship would be on the line if I did. I think we can still go on an information gathering mission without crossing those boundaries. However, if you think that this might be putting you in a particularly awkward position then we would take your advice. We don't want this to compromise you or Mrs Grey in any way." I really mean this. They are my family now, I don't want to do anything to hurt any of them.

"I appreciate that and perhaps it would be best if I did back off and left you to it. If you need to get bailed out of something then you are going to need me to be at the top of my game and that means squeaky clean. Son, can you handle this?" _Wow, that's an about face. I wonder if that photo has anything to do with it._

"Yeah, Dad, Kate has already put so much of this together already. We will call if we need you." Reluctantly, Carrick leaves us alone with the evidence. Jen and Karen have gone back to Jen's mom's house leaving us alone for the first time since we got back from Barbados. While I welcome this I have become used to having a house full of people. Perhaps we won't stop at Junior. My eye catches the photo of Elena in full dominatrix mode about to whip what I hope is a willing submissive. The look on her face is vicious, like she is getting revenge.

ooOoo

"Why do you hate Elena so much?" There is a moment when he seems to be thinking about evading this discussion but then he nods his head.

"Can we go downstairs? I think I need a drink to talk about this." _Shit!_

"Sure, I could do with a cup of tea." We take the elevator down to the ground level and walk hand in hand through to the kitchen. I perch myself up on a stool and he is almost through making my tea before he speaks.

"Elena and Mom have been friends ever since I can remember. She was always nice, fun. Didn't have kids of her own but seemed to like us enough to want to hang around our family. When I was in my last years of high school and failing she offered me a job cleaning up her yard. The first year or so was great. It was good money and she was a real nice lady. She would always give me a snack when I was finished. One day I went inside her house to get a cold drink and she was sitting at the kitchen bench in tears. She had a black eye and she looked like she hadn't slept all night. I was 16 years old and out of my depth. In the end all I could do was sit with her and hold her hand while she cried.

After a while she calmed down and I made some tea. While I was getting it ready, standing at the bench she walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. She put her head on my shoulder and I guess she was just wanting some comfort, some contact. It felt kind of nice and I was just a horny teenager you know? Next thing I know she is kissing me and touching me, I really thought she needed it so I went with it."

"Shit, Elliot you were sixteen. How old was she?" _Mrs Robinson much?_

"I would guess that she was in her late twenties. I don't really know."

"Did you sleep with her?" He looks contrite. _I'll take that as a big fucking YES!_

"I thought it was great. An older woman and she wanted me. Big fucking ego boost, you know? But then she decided she wanted more." He can't even look me in the eye right now.

"Explain 'more', what does that mean?" I am trying to keep my voice calm and gentle but I feel like a seek and destroy missile. If she ever gets in my path again I will take her out.

"She had equipment. Like the playroom only it was in her bedroom. I am guessing that she and Linc played around a fair bit. Anyway, she wanted to cuff me and beat me. I thought she was a sicko so I ended it." Relief floods through my body. Sensible Elliot.

"So you hate her for asking you to do that."

"No, I didn't really think much of it. I stopped working for her because it felt too awkward to do anything else but we never mentioned it again. Then about 8 months later she hired Christian." He gives me a rather pointed stare. 2+2=50! Shit!

"So Christian did go along with it."

"Yeah, the difference was that while I was barely legal when we started, Christian had just turned 15." _Fuck! _

"How long did this go on for?" Elliot turns back to the drinks cabinet and pours himself another shot, downing it in one mouthful as I sit staring at his back and waiting. "Elliot, how long?"

"Six years." _Jesus H Christ. _"And all this time he was her submissive?"

Elliot shrugs. "I guess so. I never asked and he didn't tell."

"Why didn't you put a stop to it at the beginning?"

"You don't understand. Christian was really aggressive as a kid. Scary as all hell. Once adolescence kicked in his anger and aggression went into overdrive. He was kicked out three schools for fighting. I guess he was already fucked up but the hormones took him to a whole new level of psycho. We were not only scared for him but scared of him. Then Elena comes along and his personality went through a 180. He seemed to gain control. Mom and Dad had no idea, they thought it was the therapy - the therapists were dumb pricks. They never got through to him but for some reason she did. I was grateful to Elena for giving me my brother back. Plus, I was already a failure in their eyes. While Christian was succeeding academically but getting suspended or expelled, I just tuned out and stopped turning up. My affair with Elena would have been a nail in the coffin. I'm pretty sure Dad would have kicked me out."

My mouth forms a large oh! "And if you told your Mom about Christian you would have also had to tell her about you and Elena."

"So how long did it take for you to start hating her, Elena?"

"It was years later when I was working at Sirens. We fought when she brought Christian into Orpheus. I had been working there for a year when he first came so I knew what Orpheus was. That first night I followed them down and snuck in to see what they were doing. It really sickened me. She had him on display and naked on a fucking collar and lead. In front of a room full of people, she flogged him and fucked him with a dildo. My fucking brother and she treated him worse than a dog." Now I see the tears before he quickly wipes them away. "I can understand what TJ is going through you know? Only difference is Christian accepted it. Danny didn't have a fucking choice. That didn't stop me from trying to do then what I didn't have the guts to do when I was 16. I tried to get him out of her clutches but I couldn't let him know that I knew. He would have gone off, you know. I had lived through unpredictable Christian, the one who I thought might kill me in my sleep. I thought if I could convince Elena that this was wrong. That it was a betrayal of Mom. She just laughed. Told me I was naive and I didn't understand their lifestyle. That Christian wanted his life like this, he needed it. I might have believed her except that when I had looked at his face during that whole fucking morbid scene, he was angry, angrier than I had ever seen him. And that fucking bitch was ignoring all the fucking signals. She's not a dom, she's just a sadist."

"Elliot, I am so sorry." No wonder he hates that bitch with a passion. Here I was thinking that she was just an evil nasty whore. This takes her to an all new low.

"Don't be. I guess little brother had a plan. Less than a year later Elena lent him the money for his start up. I'm guessing it was substantial enough to make their little shows at Orpheus worth it." He looks sick and suddenly I feel it. I race over to the sink and throw up. Elliot's hands are holding my hair back as I heave. Gently he supports me until there is no more.

"I guess Junior didn't like that story." I smile meekly up at him.

"Probably something you ate." He kisses me on the hair. "Baby, come on let's go to bed. My angel needs her beauty sleep and junior needs to give his mother a break."

* * *

_Monday June 13_

Elliot has to go to work this morning and I am going to spend the day doing more research plus I have a doctor's appointment. I could imagine that his lovemaking would have been slow and gentle but it is difficult to get your sexy on when your head is down the toilet bowl. Instead I am doing laps of the pool while he makes breakfast because the thought of food makes my stomach churn. I arrive down the house end of the pool as he walks out with a tray of toast, fresh fruit and tea. Perfection. Strong arms wrap me in a towel and guide me to the table.

"Honey, I am sorry that I have to go today but I promise I will get back here as soon as I can." Neither of us wants to be apart which feels like a combination of sweet and pathetic. At least I don't start my internship until next week. Hopefully, I can get my body used to morning sickness which as per the warnings is actually all day sickness. I have an overwhelming urge to talk with my mother but Elliot and I want to keep it a secret for a little while longer.

"Elliot, I will be okay. I have enough to get on with upstairs. Will you be able to pick Ethan up from the airport later on today?" We had already arranged for Ethan to come back a day early so we could brief him before he moves into the apartment with Ana. Of course, things have changed a little with Leila being on the loose so the chances of Ana being allowed to go back to the apartment are pretty slim. Once more I wonder about why Christian is so overly protective, not that I mind him taking care of Ana but there has to be a motivation for him to be so anal.

"Yeah, he gets in at 3pm so I should have no problem getting to SeaTac from the site by then. We should be back here by at least 5pm. Don't try cooking anything, we will pick up dinner on the way back." I want to laugh. I couldn't imagine anything worse than smelling food cooking and that would only be made twenty times worse by my complete lack of skill in the kitchen.

"No fear of that."

He kisses me goodbye as he takes the tray back through the house and leaves. I head upstairs to shower and change before starting work on the evidence. I have been working on researching Elena and Linc for the past hour when I hear a car pull up in the drive. Looking out the window I see TJ and Stella walking up to the front door. Part of me is a little afraid to be having any sort of conversation without Elliot. However, the journalist in me welcomes the opportunity to do a little digging on my own. I go down to let them in with Zeus hot on my heels.

"Hi TJ, Stella. Elliot isn't here but come on in." I usher them out onto the deck hoping that the fresh air will keep the nausea at bay. 'What can I do for you?"

"I…I want to apologize for the photographs." TJ looks so disgusted with himself and my heart almost goes out to him. Almost.

"TJ, Elliot explained a lot of what you told him yesterday." TJ looks like he's about to choke. "We are not judging you TJ. What you have done violates our privacy but you had good reason to do it. I am more interested in what you can tell me about this Jack and his wife."

I have my digital recorder in my pocket and a pad and pen in my hand. I will be ready to add whatever he can say to the database I am creating. TJ and Stella look at each other as if they are trying hard to decide what to say. I wait. Eventually TJ continues.

"Like I told Elliot, I never saw his face. What I can tell you is that he isn't from the West Coast. Definitely a mid-west accent. Maybe Chicago? He's about 5 ft 9 or 10 and kind of stocky but I wouldn't have said muscular. Looks like he might have had a desk job, you know?" I am frantically taking notes.

"What about the wife? What was she like?" I know that he saw her. He screwed her for heaven's sake. Surely he looked.

"Very attractive. Dark hair, nice figure, 5'8 maybe. He called her Liz but she wanted us to call her Elizabeth. Great tits."

"How old?"

"Dunno, may be late twenties, early thirties. She was nice, even when she was cuffing us. She wouldn't look when those bastards came in and attacked Danny." TJ's face twists at the memory and Stella holds his hand in support.

"Was there anything else that was said or done that really stuck in your memory?" He thinks about this for a while but then shakes his head.

"We have another reason for being here, Kate." Stella's voice is soft and quiet. Kind of soothing. I hadn't noticed that about her. When I saw her in the bar she seemed so confident and sexy that I immediately wanted to hate her. Every time I have seen her since I can see another side. Less confident, much more reserved than I would have given her credit for.

"Stella thinks that he has been hanging around Sirens again." This immediately grabs my attention.

"How do you know?"

"I have seen the guest book for Orpheus. Usually I work the Burlesque Club but then one of the girls got sick and I went downstairs to help out on reception. Everyone has to sign in to the guest book when they go into the club. They often sign with false names but it is still a requirement. TJ and I narrowed the names down for the night that Danny was … raped. Five people signed into the club that night. Elizabeth was the only woman beside Elena so her name is easy to spot. We figured it had to be either the name above or the name below hers. Both of those names have been absent from the club for six months. As of last week, they are both back."

I whistle out a stream of air. Fuck, what timing. "Do you have photos of the book?" Stella nods and takes out her iphone. She has scanned in the relevant pages. This is unbelievable. "I need to get into the club."

"What? No! Elliot would never allow that to happen. You know what happens there don't you?" TJ actually sounds scared. Yes, I am fully aware of what happens there. But this is our best lead so far. If Jack is going to the club then we might be able to identify him. Of course, he will be able to identify us as well. God knows he has enough photos of us.

"Wait. There is a private burlesque show for Orpheus members on Thursday night. It is prior to the annual slave auction. That will be the best time for us to try to find him." Stella looks at me. "TJ and Elliot could both work it as waiters."

"Only if we disguise Elliot in some way. If Jack sees Elliot he will know something is up. And there is no way I am letting him go in without me."

"That is more of a problem. Only boys are working the floor. The only girls are either on stage or they are part of the membership. That means they are part of the slave auction at the end of the night. I could put you in the show but you'll have to come to the club during the day and prepare."

"Great, when do we start."

"Don't you think we should run this by Elliot."

I think about this for a moment. There is no way that Elliot is going to let me do this. However, if he is at work this week then he won't know if I am going to the club during the day and rehearsing. Hell, I might not even be able to pull this off and then he will be on his own on Thursday night. I want a chance to see if I can fit in before he completely rules out my being involved.

"No, I will tell him but not until I have gone to the club with you today. Let's go."

The girls are welcoming, the club is seedy during the day, the dancing is challenging and the lights are hot. However, in spite of this and the bouts of nausea, I am coping with the burlesque routines. The first routine is a very straight forward dance and I still enough flexibility to be able to pull off the leg mounts and splits. The second routine involves chairs and having watched Elliot do his chair work I have a fairly good idea about how best to handle the equipment. The only problem I have is my balance seems to be off when stepping up and over the chair but I am pretty sure I can get it with practice. The most challenging routine involves the poles but it is also the most fun. Part of me wishes that I had done something like this sooner while another part is worried about doing this in front of an audience. The girls are very quick to share tips about how to handle patrons, keep the costumes on and the routines themselves. Stella works them really hard but she is a great teacher and I am picking everything up fast. After four hours we are ready to break for the day and I need to get home to meet Elliot and Ethan.

"Kate, I will have the costumes ready for you to work with tomorrow. Can you be here for a nine o'clock start? We will do the fittings and a private session and the girls will be in at 11am."

I nod. "No problem." And I hope that it won't be. "Stella, thank you for doing this."

"Kate, I owe these guys a lot. I would do anything for them and they all know it. Besides, I think you might have found your calling." She gives me a large grin. Yes, I think I would enjoy this but I think I would prefer to do this as a private show for Elliot.

"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow."


	11. Chapter 11: Welcome to Burlesque

_**Show a little more,  
Show a little less,  
Add a little smoke,  
Welcome to Burlesque.**_

**_Everything you dream of,_**  
**_but never can possess,_**  
**_nothing's what it seems,_**  
**_welcome to Burlesque._**

**_Oh, everyone is buying,_**  
**_put your money in my hand,_**  
**_if you got a little extra,_**  
**_well, give it to the band._**

**_You may not be guilty,_**  
**_but you're ready to confess,_**  
**_tell me what you need,_**  
**_welcome to Burlesque._**

_**Welcome to Burlesque - Cher**_

* * *

I almost lost ten years off my life as I watch Kate grip the bottom of the pole and cartwheel herself into an inverted split, suspending herself for a moment before scissoring her legs up to wrap her ankles around the pole. Another ten went when she holds herself there and throws her arms open for a moment.

"She's an absolute natural, Elliot. So much upper body strength and her flexibility is fantastic." Not really the words I am wanting to hear from Stella as we stand and watch the four girls on stage throw themselves through the rigorous routine. My hands almost go to my pants as I watch my girlfriend humping the long thick piece of metal, and for a moment I wonder if she has managed to make the pole wet with all that bumping and grinding.

"Yeah, fucking natural alright." Stella laughs at my discomfort.

"You know, with all that natural ability we could reinstate the ring routine. The crowd would love it." Stella sounds almost wistful. No way.

"This is a one time gig, Stells. You can't have her, she's mine." But oh, I could see her doing that routine with me and everyone watching us. There was a time when Stella and I performed that act, but that was a long time ago. The one part of it I recall better than anything was loving the way the audience would watch us, imagining themselves in our place. As a performance routine it was the closest thing to public sex that you could get without being arrested. It never failed to turn the crowd on and the thought of doing that with Kate makes me rock hard.

"Even one time, you know they would love it, they always did. So did you." There is that fucking nostalgic tone in her voice again. I know that she could have performed that act with Will a thousand times since the last time we did it but it would always hold bittersweet memories for her. But she is right, I loved it. I would love it more with Kate in my arms. Watching her now as she continues to climb higher up the pole, rotating herself around and around, holding her body in perfectly executed extensions, I can see how this kind of workout suits her. I guess with her diving and gymnastics background that she has no fear of heights, a good understanding of the physics of each movement and an enormous amount of control and strength. She is mesmerizing up there.

Max, the dance captain steps up to the stage. "Okay, ladies, that's all for today. Kate can you hang back for a moment, you can take a break for twenty minutes then we will go through a couple of those tricks that aren't quite working for you. Don't get cold." The other girls move off the stage towards the dressing rooms chatting nine to the dozen. Kate grabs a towel and wipes herself down as she approaches looking fucking amazing in a silver brocade corset set. _Yeah, baby, you can wear that to bed any time you like._

"Well, what did you think?" Her smile is contagious as she goes into a series of stretches. She is loving this and I get a visual of her on the ring, wondering what she would make of that routine. Of people watching her perform that with me. No, we can't, her brother will be in the audience for a start. My mind immediately goes to Ethan.

If his face yesterday afternoon, when I picked him from the airport is anything to go by then he is not going to like this one bit. While he and I get on well, he is whether by obligation or habit, both protective of Kate and totally annoyed by her antics. He was surprised and I suspect pissed that Kate didn't pick him up from the airport herself and his suspicions were heightened by what he saw when he got back to my place.

ooOoo

"Ethan. Hey man, how was the flight." Ethan usually looks pretty relaxed but I can see the confusion on his face. How to explain why Kate isn't here to greet him? _Hey man, your sister wanted to come but she is at home right now probably chewing dry toast and trying not to toss her cookies._

"Elliot. Flight was good. Where's the brat?" _Nice man. That's my girl you are talking about._ I can't fault him though. It's pretty much how I feel about Mia. My beautiful baby sister is talented, fun and a royal pain in the ass. Somehow I can't think of Kate that way. _Man, pussy-whipped or what?_

"She's back at my place. I came straight here from work, it was easier." I grab one of his bags and usher him out to the truck. On the journey back to the house I fill him in about the charity event and all the information that we have managed to gather so far.

"Wow, this guy is a special kind of psycho. He really is playing a cat and mouse game with you guys. It's like he's waiting for something." _You're not wrong there._ What could Jack be waiting for? At the moment we know that he is stalking, agitating but it is frustrating not knowing what his motivation is. Until we find out who he is, the likelihood of finding out why he wants to hurt us is low. The scary part is how he is targeting the whole family, as if the Grey's are enemy number one.

Finally arriving back at the house just on time with takeout Chinese and enter to an over the top greeting from Zeus. Once Ethan is settled into one of the downstairs bedrooms, we grab beers in the kitchen as Kate walks in. My breath hitches seeing her wearing tight jeans, form-fitting t-shirt, no shoes and towel drying her hair. _Another shower Miss K. What did you do? Throw up on yourself?_

"Hey, bro, great to see you." After planting a kiss on Ethan's cheek she heads to the cupboard and grabs a glass. I take the iced tea out of the fridge and pour for her our bodies brushing past each other, heightening our awareness.

"How are you feeling?" I try to murmur this. She gives me a tight smile.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Ethan already on the alert hones in on this conversation.

"Hey, what's this? Have you been sick?" Ethan puts down his beer and takes her hands, pulling her in for a quick hug. He looks accusingly at me over her head but I just shrug and take another swig of my beer.

"No, I'm fine. Just a little gastro. I'll be okay." Kate lies smoothly. Makes me wonder how I am going to cope with those little misdirections that most women feel are necessary. Certainly Mia and Mom are both experts in the field of 'no, it was on sale, really' or 'this old thing. I've had it forever.'

"Elliot has given me an update on Christian and Ana and the creep. Sounds like you've been busy since you got back." Ethan is helping himself to the containers of food, heaping up a plate as if it is his last meal. Kate is turning greener by the second and my hand automatically goes to her lower back, rubbing gently as she selects a plain rice dish and tries not to gag. _Poor baby, if I could take this away I would._ For a brief moment she leans into my body as if acknowledging the intention of my thoughts. Once more I am awed and comforted by this almost psychic link between us. Kate walks over to the table to join Ethan.

"Yeah, well we are doing everything we can to try to work out who he is. I really would feel happier knowing that you are in the apartment if Ana decides to go back there. She really shouldn't be alone if this chick is running rogue with a gun." I am watching carefully as she eats. Everything seems to be okay so I relax into the chair next to her. Elliot in the meantime is shoveling food into his mouth like there is no tomorrow. _Slow down man, you'll make me sick._

"Yeah, like I am going to be able to protect her. But hell I would rather be there too, after all she is expecting me." If I were Christian, Ana would never go back to her apartment while Leila is on the loose and once more I wonder if I shouldn't have more protection out here for Kate. Zeus is a good deterrent but he is just as likely to lick you to death as he is to go on the attack with an intruder.

ooOoo

"I think that you are going to make a lot of dirty old men very happy. I also think that your brother is going to kill me." I smile down at my corset-clad Kate. She has a bead of sweat on her upper lip and I can't help myself, I lean down and half kiss, half lick it away. Her hands go to my chest instantly as I pull her hips against me. "Are you feeling me, baby."

"Oh yeah, big boy. You seem happy to see me." The dance and the corset are making her all hot and bothered. I could get used to exotic dancer Kate. Just then Tiffany comes over to do some adjustments on her costume. "Private lap dance laters cowboy?" I get a sultry smile as she turns towards Tiff.

My attention is on her ass for a moment when TJ comes over and taps me out of my reverie.

"Enjoying the view?" There is a chuckle in his laugh.

"What of it?" I try hard not to be annoyed, after all TJ will be amongst a hundred or so guys who will be standing around watching my woman go through her moves. God help any man who tries to make a move on her. TJ hands me an set of id tags and a guest pass for Thursday night.

"You're all set." Ethan will come as himself, just in case our friend Jack has already collected a set of images of him. It will be easier not to complicate the situation with a lie. If he can get into a conversation with a few of the members he might just stumble on something useful that we can act on. Plus he has been doing some work with a psychological profiler so he has a little inside theoretical knowledge that might come in handy. He already thinks that the key to Jack's identity is in the older photographs he has collected, the ones from our childhood. If he is right then there is a possibility that the link goes back to Detroit which fits TJ's assertion that Jack has a mid-western accent. I am hopeful that we are going to nail this fucker but I am also terrified about having Kate anywhere near him. Once more I wonder at Kate's maneuvering to get us here and why the hell I agreed to any of this.

ooOoo

After we have cleared away the mess of the takeout dinner we all go up to the war room. Kate takes Ethan through the evidence as it stands and we spend at least an hour talking through everything that we have worked out so far. Ethan is really quick with insights into the possible character and motivations or our perp which really start to give us some hypothetical scenarios to think about. Throughout this conversation Kate seems to be running on nervous energy and I wonder if the nausea isn't about to get to her again. Then she gives us a run down on the visit from TJ and Stella and drops her bombshell.

"You did what?" I can't believe that she is even considering this. The thought of her in Sirens in any capacity is about to bring me completely undone. _Yeah, I get the double standard._

"I trained with the girls for four hours today. Stella seems to think I have what it takes and TJ is making sure that you are on the roster for bar staff on Thursday." Her face is totally impassive, as if this is the most natural idea in the world. _Over my fucking dead body._

"Kate, this guy is dangerous. If he makes either of us the whole thing is over. He has already managed to get a gun into the club once, how do you know he won't do it again. I can't believe that you would consider doing something so stupid." _Yeah I went there. Deal with it._

"Elliot, calm down. Stella and TJ are working on disguises for us. I have costume fittings tomorrow morning. We can't let this opportunity pass us by. The auction is the biggest event in Club Orpheus calendar so the likelihood of his being there is high. Stupid would be if we did nothing." _Shit!_

"Don't use that logic on me Kate. I am not risking you." _Or our child._

"Guys, guys…" Ethan steps between us. _As if I would ever hurt her physically. What the hell do you think I am? _

"Stay out of this Ethan." My breathing is harsh as I take in the fire in her eyes. She isn't going to back down on this.

"Can you get me on the guest list?" Ethan looks directly in my eyes.

"I don't know…I guess so." It would mean calling in a lot of favors but it can be arranged.

"Right, so, if Kate is there with the protection of the other girls plus the club security. You and I and I guess TJ are on the floor. Surely we can get a look at this guy." I look from him to Kate. _Fuck, ganged up on by the Kavanaghs. _My jaw is clenched hard.

"Okay." It is all I can say. I am worried sick about the baby, about Kate's safety and now I get to add her brother to the list. She is doing my head in. My eyes say we will talk later and she acknowledges this. The next two hours are spent talking through all the possibilities and trying to preempt the problems. Kate is curled up on a couch as we talk and she is exhausted. Eventually I call a halt to the discussion and carry her off to our room.

ooOoo

Tiffany turns Kate around and even I have to do a double take. She is now sporting a short black wig and chocolate brown contacts. With the application of the heavy stage makeup anyone who didn't know her well would be hard-pressed to recognize her. Kate is beautiful, breathtaking in her natural state. This guise has created a whole new persona and she is automatically changing her stance to be both over the top sexy and flirty. She is incredible hot and all I want to do is take her out back and screw her hard and fast against a wall.

"Okay, Kate, let's get you back on the pole." Max is back from sorting out some lighting cues and ready to be the taskmaster again. "Let's do the second spin sequence. Music!" He calls up to a faceless operations box above the club floor and the music comes pounding through the speaker. Kate is already up at the pole, holding on with one hand and leaning her weight away. The sequence takes her out from the pole for a moment and then throws her wildly around it for three revolutions before jumping to grip it between her thighs, one leg extended in front of her.

"Good, now just take your time, let the momentum take you round and slide down slowly. Good, let's do that again, you almost have the timing right." She goes through it again as I get a text from Ethan, he has picked up the keys from Ana at work. All is going well.

"Can we do the extended rotations now? I want to see how much height you can get before that final split." Kate just nods, completely unphased and all I can think about is the little prick wants her to go higher. She backs away from the pole again then launches into a rotation that seems to start half way up the pole. Suddenly she flips upside down and extends her leg up to grab higher pushing her hands into a full body extension. "Good girl, use the momentum again, grip that elbow and climb." She goes higher again, almost to the full height before stretching her body out to the side. The body strength is phenomenal and I can see her really working hard to keep control of her lines so that her body doesn't swing away. With a final push she flips out into a split that goes the length of the pole and I am torn between applauding her or spanking her for taking these risks with her body.

"Fantastic, Kate. You can come down now." In seconds I am up on the stage spotting her as she comes down. She doesn't need me to do this but I need to make sure that she lands safely for my own piece of mind. Once more Stella comes over to join us.

"Are you sure you don't want to change your mind Elliot? The ring is there, all set up. It wouldn't take long to teach her." Kate looks from Stella to me.

"What ring? What are we talking about?" Stella takes out her phone and selects a video holding it up for Kate to see. She watches the two people on the screen absolutely mesmerized by the vision. When it finishes her eyes light up. "That was you two?"

Stella nods. Kate is almost jumping up and down with excitement. "Elliot, please, can we at least try?" _Oh, shit. _

"Look babe, I don't know. It's been a long time since we did that routine. I don't know." She is almost pouting with disappointment and Stella is trying desperately to hold back her laughter. _Fuck. _"Okay, we can try, but no promises. And you need to change out of that outfit. Tiff? Have you got one of the nude leos out there that will fit Kate?" Tiffany salutes, grabs Kate's hand and drags her up to the change room while Stella starts shouting orders to get the ring lowered. When she wants to be I think that Stella can be just as manipulative as Kate, or worse Elena.

ooOoo

After putting Kate to bed I go into the bathroom. Just as I am getting out of the shower I get a phone call.

"Jason, what's up? Have you found Leila?"

"No, no such luck. But you wouldn't believe who turned up here tonight with a sob story. The evil bitch."

"Oh, this will be good. What's up with her?" Elena has had a habit of feeling like she has ownership over all aspects of Christian's life including selecting his subs. She will be pissed that he has hooked up with Ana without her assistance, after all Ana is not exactly the type that Elena would have selected. She likes to train the girls before they get to Christian from what Jason has told me. I wonder what Ana made of Elena turning up to Escala.

"Apparently she is being blackmailed." Fuck, what a twist. I would hate to have to take her off my suspect list because of this.

"I don't know. I smell a rat. Something about this doesn't add up. Least of all the timing. Seems like this has been designed to try to elicit some sympathy from Christian." That's Jason, ever the fucking conspiracy theorist but on this occasion I can't help but think he is right.

"Did he fall for it?" Please tell me my brother has more sense than this. I wish that he would tell the evil bitch to take a flying fuck at the moon but for reasons that I don't and never want to understand he keeps her in his life. This means that whenever she feels like it she can pull on his strings. I guess she feels like it today.

"I don't think so. Ana was fairly pissed off that she turned up and I think Christian was reacting more to Ana's feelings than any crisis that Elena could manufacture. Hell of a dynamic." Go Ana. I have such high hopes for that girl.

"Well, keep me posted. Seems Christian just limps from one fucking drama to the next." I spend the next few minutes filling him in on our plans for Orpheus on Thursday. He offers to send a surveillance team in for us. That would certainly make me feel better knowing they are in the vicinity.

ooOoo

I have arranged to take the rest of the week off so that I can be with Kate until she starts her new job. Seems like she needs someone to babysit her and stop her from going off on any more hair-brained schemes. I would never tell her that this is my reason. She would gather her coven and stick pins in me. So that is how, this morning I am with her at Sirens, contemplating recreating the most sensually explicit aerial routine I have ever performed.

We spend the next three hours slowly working through the routine. Kate is incredible and I feel something working with her that I have never felt before with Stella. There is an intensity in the movement and although we have to adjust a few of the tricks to cater for her inexperience with the ring, she more than makes up for it with the ability to pick up the choreography quickly and her incredible strength and bravery up high. There is a long way to go but if we can pull this off it will be the highlight of the show. Stella looks at us like the cat that got the cream with a great fucking 'I told you so' plastered across her face.

By the time we finish Kate is exhausted both physically and emotionally. I can tell that she felt the same intensity around executing the routine. It has affected both of us and we hardly speak on the way back to the house, just holding hands as I drive one handed up the highway. For a moment I wonder if we have pushed her too hard today but she has a contented smile on her face that makes me relax.

We arrive back at the house and Jen is there cooking up soup and toast. It is just what Kate seems to need. While she was able to keep her energy up through the grueling day of rehearsal, it didn't stop her from having to duck out a few times to throw up. Luckily we were able to cover up enough that I think the only person who was really suspicious by the end of the day was Tiffany. Jen gets us all fed and I put Kate in a warm bath when the phone goes.

"Ethan, how's it going?"

"Not good. I don't have long to talk, Ana has just ducked out to the ladies and she will be back soon." He sounds really anxious. "Listen, the shit has really hit the fan here. They've found Leila, or rather she found us. She turned up at Kate's apartment, broke in while I was out. She held a gun on Ana when she arrived home."

"Jesus, is she okay?" Where the fuck were Christian and Jason in all of this?

"Yeah, yeah. She's fine, or as fine as she could be having left Christian alone with her in the apartment." So he was there. Thank God for that. But what the hell is he doing alone with this psycho bitch? He's opening himself up to all sorts of trouble. Since we started getting so much media attention Dad has warned us time and again not to put ourselves in situations that open us up to litigation. Now he is alone with an unhinged madwoman with a gun? Fuck!

"What? What the fuck is happening?" I can hear Ethan take a deep breath and the noise behind him.

"Look we are sitting in a bar across the road from the apartment. Ana wanted to watch what happened. A little while ago an SUV came and Christian carried her out wrapped in a blanket. They have all disappeared. I think Christian is expecting Ana to be waiting for him back at Escala but she doesn't seem to want to go. I am happy to sit here with her but I don't know if that is the right thing to do. She is pretty cut up about whatever happened in the apartment. She won't talk about it but she is really upset and I don't think it is necessarily about Leila."

Fuck. Christian just doesn't think these things through. Of course Ana is upset. I bet he ordered her out of the apartment for her own safety but he doesn't understand what it would have taken for her to leave. Now she is imagining all sorts of shit going on between them and the not knowing will be killing her. And I know him and this is about him not realizing that the person who loves him the most is the one he hurts the most. I have watched the little prick do it for years to Mom, not letting her in. Now he is doing the same fucking thing to Ana and he is going to lose her. Jesus, will he never learn.

"I think that you need to do whatever Ana wants you to do. I guess she won't want to go back to her apartment and she won't want to wait around Escala for Christian to get his fucking act together. If you have to, I want you to bring her back here. I can send a car for you, we will tell her everything and she can be with Kate. Fuck, she needs someone she can confide in."

"Alright, I will stay with her until she makes a decision. I'll call you later if it all falls apart and I have to bring out to yours. Just promise me that when Christian hits the fucking roof because I have abducted his girlfriend that you've got my back man. I don't particularly want him to come after me."

"Ethan, I owe you so much man. Christian might be a prick about the whole thing but I trust you man. Don't sweat it. Just look after our girl."

"Okay, I'll call you in an hour or so."

When I turn around Kate is standing at the door wrapped in a towel, looking like this heady mix of concern and sex. I walk over and wrap her in my arms planting a firm kiss on her lips. I will do anything to keep her safe and happy and to take that look off her face. She pulls away from me.

"Don't Elliot. Tell me what's going on." Resigned I spend the next ten minutes filling her in on the phone call and we spend another hour talking. Jason isn't picking up his phone which I know means that he can't talk to me not that he won't. He must be with Christian and right now that is as close to comfort as we are going to get. Eventually Kate lets me make love to her releasing the pent up emotions of the day. Her body is in this heightened responsive state and she comes quickly around me driving me on with her gentle pulsing. When I come, I come hard into her crying out her name. We hold each other afterward but neither of us can sleep.

Finally Ethan calls when he has dropped Ana back at Escala and we are able to drift off. I don't ever want to put Kate through the kind of pain I imagine Ana has gone through tonight and once more I wonder if we shouldn't come clean with Ana and tell her what we know so that she and Kate can support each other. I know that this distance is killing Kate inside and I want so much to make her world perfect. Once more I find myself wishing that Christian wasn't so emotionally crippled. If he had even a small idea of what he has put Ana through tonight he would get off his ass and do something about it. Hopefully she won't hold back with him. He deserves to get his nuts ripped off and if she doesn't do it then I might.


	12. Chapter 12: Mercy

_**I love you  
But I gotta stay true  
My morals got me on my knees  
I'm beggin' please  
Stop playin' games**_

_**I don't know what this is**_  
_**Cause you got me good**_  
_**Just like you knew you would**_

_**I don't know what you do**_  
_**but you do it well**_  
_**I'm under your spell.**_

_**[Chorus]**_  
_**You got me beggin' you for Mercy (yeah yeah yeah)**_  
_**Why won't you release me (yeah yeah yeah)**_  
_**You got me beggin' you for mercy (yeah yeah yeah)**_  
_**Why won't you release me (yeah yeah yeah)**_  
_**I said release me (yeah yeah yeah)**_

_**Mercy - Duffy**_

_**A/N Thanks everyone for the continued support and feedback. Some of you have raised some issues that I am trying to address in the next few chapters. Bear with me while I weave all the threads together but keep the feedback coming because at this point it is easy to lose track of all those little elements I set up in the first book. If you see something that you have suggested in the story line then I give you my heart felt thanks. You know who you are. Love Sasha xox  
**_

* * *

My body is aching from the type of constant work out that I haven't indulged in for the past two years at least. I ache in muscles that I forgot I had but it is a good feeling that makes me question the sanity of building a career around a desk job. The morning has been spent working the ring routine. It is unbelievable to perform and Elliot has the most amazing body to work around but he was right about one thing. Doing this routine is going to feel like having sex in public and for the life of me I can't work out why that turns me on so much. There is something deeply sensual about the way we have to maintain constant contact with our bodies or risk injury and because I am new to the apparatus everything has to be slow and controlled which creates a kind of fluid tension between us and my senses are totally heightened.

In the afternoon the girls come in and we work on the pole routine. The tricks that Max took me through yesterday are really solid and I am feeling quite comfortable with what I have to do. I can sense eyes on me from the audience. It seems that everyone who is hanging around during the day has decided to stop by our rehearsal and the audience has doubled since yesterday. Elliot seems to know everyone and I see him watching them as if trying to gauge their reaction to the routine. Maybe he is being protective but he doesn't have that brooding scowl on his face that I saw Christian get whenever another guy looked at Ana at the masquerade.

My frustration builds over the chair routine. I still don't feel confident about it and it seems strange that this is the one dance that scares me the most. Once more the music starts and once more I go for the balance trick where we climb the chair and then tip it over and once more I chicken out at the last minute, pulling back and getting in one of the other dancer's way. _What the hell is wrong with me? _Max calls a break and I go over to where Stella is sitting in the audience muttering to myself as I grab a towel to wipe myself down.

"Kate, we could drop you out of this routine, you know. You've worked so hard on the others and there is no need to push yourself to get this one as well. No one would notice if you weren't in it." Freezing in mid movement I steal a look at Stella who is being very understanding. With a tight smile, I try to show her how grateful I am. She has been great for even trying to include me but every time we hit a road block they alter the routine and I know this puts pressure on the other girls.

"I feel like I am letting everyone down no matter what we do." I don't mean to be petulant but the perfectionist in me wants to do well and is slutted that she can't.

"You know there is another way you could include her." Elliot walks up behind me and wraps his hands around my waist, and plants a wet kiss on my cheek. He's buttering me up for something. Looking over my shoulder at him I wonder what he is up to. "She could sing that number live while the others dance."

Stella claps her hands and jumps up out of her seat excitedly. Turning to Elliot, I place my hand on his chest and push backwards away from him in disbelief. _Are you kidding me, Grey?_

"Oh, no, no, no. No way. I think I am doing enough, don't you? A pole routine, a dance routine and the aerial…that is enough for my nerves right now."

"Come on babe, all you have done for the past two days is sing that damn song over and over in the car . I know that you know it. Hell, you could give Nicole Scherzinger a run for her money. In fact, I am not sure that you haven't been singing it in your sleep. I know I have." His wide grin is infectious but he is playing into my anxiety here. I would almost rather get the chair routine wrong than sing in public.

"Great, you sing it then." Being backed into a corner like this is giving me the shits.

"Oh, Kate, why don't you just try. If you still feel uncomfortable at the end of the rehearsal then we'll go back to the vocal track but it would be so great if you could do it. Since Marla left we haven't had anyone who could sing any of the songs live." Sweet, sweet Stella looks like she will drop onto her knees at any moment and quite frankly, my defenses are down right now.

"Yeah, sis, you will be great." Ethan has been sitting through this afternoon's session waiting for us to finish. "You always do this, like it is the worst thing anyone could ask you to do. It is such a waste of talent." Shit, now even my brother is ganging up on me.

"Okay, okay." But I can guarantee that my nerves will get the better of me and it will be a disaster. "As long as we can all agree that if it doesn't work this afternoon that we drop it."

"Yay! TJ can you organize the Beta58 for Kate." TJ nods from across the room and disappears up to the control booth. Moments later he returns with a wireless microphone in his hand. "Great, I would give you a head mic but sometimes it is good to have something in your hand to play with when you're nervous. You will need to concentrate on the position of it and that might be enough to take your mind off your nerves."

"Pretty phallic, don't you think?" Although I can't fault her logic but I already know that the outcome will be disastrous and I don't think I will have to worry past this first rehearsal. I know the routine that the girls are doing so it is easy to maneuver my way around them while they work the chairs. Max talks me through some other movement options and we map out a walk into the audience in the second verse. After a run through of the singing without the movement I go up on stage.

"Were you trying to make a statement with this song?" I throw this question at Max since he is the artistic director and has selected the material for the entertainment section of the evening.

"Sweets, I have no idea what you mean." I giggle. Singing a medley about a tainted love and then begging for mercy seems like a fairly strong judgment on the crowd.

"They just aren't very subtle selections."

"If I wanted subtle we would be doing Hanky Panky and Beat Me Daddy Eight to the Bar." He slaps his hand on his leather clad ass as he walks away from the stage.

Laughing I turn to face upstage as the first strains of the music come on. The girls go into their routine and I channel my inner pussycat, working my way through the rehearsal trying to remember lyrics, balance in these stupidly tall thigh high boots and not get in the way of the girls as they dance. The easiest way to do this is to focus on Elliot while pretending that I am someone else. If I feel like I am playing a character, which essentially I will have to do so that 'Jack' doesn't recognize me then the singing seems to come easily. I pretend that I am a real burlesque singer, a submissive, performing for my dom. I visualize us in Christian's playroom, Elliot working me over with a flogger or paddle. I see myself collared and being shown off by him to the club. Using the most salacious and provocative body movements in my repertoire my focus is on seducing him from the distance of the stage. It is certainly working for me and I notice every hitch of his breath as I stroke down my own thighs and rotate my hips. But while I am trying to concentrate solely on Elliot I can also feel the other men in the room watching me and I feel a little guilty that this collective attention is turning me on.

By four in the afternoon I am both totally convinced that I can pull off the singing and totally spent. Elliot seems just as eager to get me home. He calls ahead and Jen has a bath waiting for me when we arrive at his house. Rather than leave me to it, Elliot climbs in with me which is just as well because I could fall asleep and drown in this water if he wasn't there to support me. He gently massages my shoulders and rubs my back, helping me to unlock my tightened muscles. His fingers are strong but gentle and I can't stop myself from moaning with every stroke. After half an hour of soaking and massage he starts a conversation that I thought I would never have with any guy.

"You like being watched don't you?" His words cut through my reverie and I sit up a little bit. How does he know? Was I that obvious? "It's okay, babe, in some ways I liked it too."

"What do you mean? Do you like the girls standing around watching you?" I keep my eyes close and nuzzle my head back against his shoulder hoping to deflect the conversation away from my kinkiness.

"No, I mean I like the guys standing around watching you. There is something about being able to see them lusting after you and knowing that you are mine." I really feel like I should be shocked but his words are turning me on. Does this means he likes to see me flirt? "You know when you were dancing with James in the club in Barbados, that got me hot. I kind of like seeing you do your flirty thing. It makes me want to rip your panties off and fuck you in a dim corridor or something."

"What? You'd like to see me with another guy? Making love to someone else?" I'm not sure where this is going but my reaction is kind of scary. I've gone from aching muscles to aching for his touch within seconds.

"Not exactly, I mean I've never been the jealous type so not wanting to share you is kind of new for me. I just love watching you getting off, I like other guys wanting you. Part of me wanted to fuck you on that stage for real this morning, not just simulate it. It got to the point this morning where it wouldn't have phased me to have everyone in the room watch us while we screwed each other senseless." His voice is low and hoarse and my body is reacting so fast that I could almost come with just his words. "Does that freak you out?"

I think about it for a moment. "No, I could almost imagine that you were. I don't know how you don't get turned on when we're dancing. Doing that first bit of floor work gets me so wet that I think the audience could probably smell me from the first row." I want to be embarrassed but I'm not.

"I could. Your wet pussy is my favorite smell. In fact…" His hands slide down my arms and into the water to cover my hands. Very slowly he guides one hand up to my breast and manipulates my fingers until they are rolling my nipple while he gentle sucks my neck. His voice is a low whisper. "I want to watch you now."

He pushes my other hand down between my legs and forces my fingers onto my aching clit. Setting up a gentle motion we traces lazy circles around my swollen mound as he presses his stiff erection into my back.

"God, baby, I need to see you."

Quickly he lifts me up and sits me on the side of the bath tub spreading my thighs wide. Placing my hands back over my glistening mound, he kisses me fully on the mouth, thrusting his tongue in a full on assault before pulling away and sitting across the tub from me. His eyes burn with lust-filled intensity and my fingers slide, bathed in my own cream.

"Touch yourself, Katie. Let me see you." I moan and tip my head back against the wall. For a moment my eyes close and then I peer through my lashes at him as I dip my fingers inside my own walls pulling the moisture out and then I start to rub my clit in small circular sweeps. My other hand is working my nipples, teasing the achy nubs and sending electrical pulses southwards through my body. All the while his eyes are on me, his mouth slack with longing. "Fuck, yes, you look so amazing. See how hard you make me baby?"

Slowly he strokes up the length of erection, letting me see how stiff he is. Rubbing the moisture of pre-cum around the distended head of his cock he begins a lazy rhythm up and down his long red member. My tongue snakes out as I watch. The more I see, the more turned on I become and my fingers start working in earnest now. Elliot moves closer to me, never taking his eyes off my pussy.

"Can I help you with that baby?"

"Please." Without moving his hand from his cock he reaches out with his free hand to insert his fingers inside my sheath which just makes me frig my clit harder. Almost instantly I start coming, clenching my muscles around his fingers and I reach out to cup his ball sack as I do, panting and moaning out my pleasure. His response is also instant as he shoots his wad all over my stomach, grunting out my name as he comes.

"Kate, aaarggh, fuck, babe." His forehead rests on my shoulder as we ride out the intensity of our orgasms. My hands go to his face and pull him towards mine kissing him while panting out a giggle at the same time.

"Babe, that was intense. I love watching you come." My voice is ragged but there is no shyness in me. I understand that I would pretty much do anything for this man if he asked me and right now that would include sex in any number of public arenas. _What is he doing to you? _

"I love watching you too." He pulls me down so that I am straddling his lap and I can feel that he still partially hard. My pussy is so sensitive right now that simply rubbing against him like this is likely to set me off. His lips meet mine and suddenly it is all on again.

"Again?" I am deeply impressed at how he is already ready for round two. My man has amazing stamina but I won't let that go to his head.

He nods and I slide down his cock, impaling myself with a hiss. He is so goddamn big and he fills me up completely. I love the fullness of him inside me and I can't stay still, sliding up his whole length which pretty much takes my ass right out of the water, before sliding back down again.

"Fuck, Kate. You are so fucking tight, you could cut off my circulation. Jesus that feels good." I laugh and lift myself up again. He groans out his pleasure.

"Well, if you didn't have such an enormous boner it wouldn't be a problem now would it?" I whisper into his mouth before simultaneously impaling myself again and thrusting my tongue into his mouth.

"If you want a smaller man, I think TJ has the hots for you." His words are ground out through his clenched teeth.

"Oh, TJ can watch if you want but I think I can handle what you've got Mr Grey, now fuck me hard, baby."

"Oh, my pleasure Miss K." And he starts to lift me up and down like I am riding a rodeo horse. My tits are jiggling in his face and with some difficulty he manages to wrangle one into his mouth biting into my nipple and making me scream. The pace is fast and intense and water is splashing everywhere. "Babe, I need to get you somewhere else so I can pound you."

In one swift movement he stands with me still impaled on his cock and walks us out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel as we go. We make short work of drying ourselves without letting go and then he lays me down on the sheepskin rug in front of the gas fire. Zeus has been lying here but he gets up and leaves the room when we come in, which is good because having the dog watch is just a little too much kink for me.

Once I am on my back Elliot begins a full on battering of my body, burying himself balls deep inside me and pounding hard and fast. While a slow build up has its merits, this breakneck pace is so intense that I can't hold myself or my voice back. I am crying out with every pump of his body.

"Fuck me, baby, fuck me harder." He obliges and I can feel his pelvic bone striking at my clit with every thrust. A fire is building up rapidly inside me and the heat is flooding through my body when he reaches his hand between our bodies and quickly flicks my clit with his thumb. "Aaahhh, shit."

The ferocity of my climax undoes me and I scream into his shoulder as he continues to thrust hard, slamming into me. My muscles involuntarily clamp around his thick cock as I keep coming in waves. Reaching for his own climax he gives one last urgent push into my pussy and I feel him pumping inside me which just sets my orgasm off on another extended wave. His mouth comes down on mine and he kisses me thoroughly, passionately as he rolls us over.

"Oh my God. I'm going to have to up my health cover. Woman, you are going to give me coronary." I feel his chest rising and falling beneath my hand as he fights to get his breath under control which sets us off laughing again.

"Can't you keep up, old man? Do I need to trade you in for a younger model?" I tease his ear with my lips so he can feel my smile.

"Hey, I'm not old, I'm like a classic car babe. As long as you treat me right, I will give you years of pleasure and service."

"Oh yeah, but think about the maintenance and the cost of keeping you in good working order. As for replacement parts ... I don't know…"

"Baby, don't even joke. You know you want what I've got. Those young things might be alright when you first get them but you spend all that time running them in and then they crap out pretty fast. You know, unreliable, difficult to fix. You want something that is timeless, where they built it right the first time. The chassis is in good nick and the engine will just make you purr." His hand strokes down his muscular abs as he says this and I have to agree he is in fabulous shape and he can certainly make my engine purr. Arrogant male.

"Oh you are full of yourself." I swat his chest lovingly.

"Ah, I think you are full of me, Miss K." Yeah right. I unceremoniously stand up so that his now flaccid cock which has been resting inside me until now, slaps back down across his stomach. The sudden movement probably hurt me more than him but I think I have made my point as he grabs himself with a yelp and rolls curled up on his side. I go through to the bathroom to clean myself up and he follows me through. We wash again quickly then dress and head downstairs to join Jen for dinner.

By this time Karen has arrived along with TJ and Stella, so along with Ethan we have a fairly full house. We are all in good spirits and my nausea has been well within control so I am enjoying their company. At one point Ethan gives me a strange look when I refuse a glass of wine while Karen and Jen look at each other knowingly. He frowns as he tops up everyone else's glass except mine. I want to come clean with him about the baby but it is too soon.

As we are coming to the end of the meal Elliot's phone rings. He stands up and heads out on to the deck to take the call as we all keep talking. I watch him out the windows and I can see by his body language that something is definitely up. He is pacing the length of the deck, looking agitated. Finally he walks back in and we all stop talking and look at him.

"Kate, we need to find out everything we can about Jack Hyde, Ana's boss at SIP."

"Jack Hyde? Why? Do you think he is the Jack we are looking for?"

"Oh, I am fairly certain he's our man. The fucker just tried to sexually assault Ana at work."


	13. Chapter 13 Gravity

_**Something always brings me back to you.**_  
_**It never takes too long.**_  
_**No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.**_

_**You hold me without touch.**_  
_**You keep me without chains.**_  
_**I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.**_

_**[CHORUS:]**_  
_**Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.**_  
_**Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.**_  
_**But you're on to me and all over me.**_

_**You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.**_  
_**When I thought that I was strong.**_  
_**But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.**_

_**Gravity - Sara Bareilles**_

* * *

My nerves are completely shot I am so on edge. Kate is backstage with Stella and the girls warming up for their first number. TJ brings over another drink order for me to fill which is a distraction from watching the doors. My eyes haven't really left the main entrance since we opened at 9 o'clock. Of course, it is a little early yet for the main crowd and the girls won't go on until at least 11pm. The chances are now slim that our guy is going to turn up. Not since Christian fired his ass for trying to get Ana to give him a blow job in the staff kitchen at SIP last night. Seems pretty unbelievable that our timing could have gone so wrong on this one. I'm just glad that Jason and Christian got there in time to deal with him and that Ana had the presence of mind to knee him in the balls. Jason sounded damn proud of her.

Business is understandably slow for the first hour but when customers start arriving we get busy. Being a fly on the wall at one of these events takes a strong stomach. There are all manner of people, leather to business suits and various states of undress in between. A woman walks past with a costume that is fundamentally made out of ropes wrapped firmly around her body. A very striking athletic looking guy who I think might actually be a Mariner is walking around on a lead wearing nothing but a leather g-string. His female domme is in a tight red cocktail dress with a split up to her thigh, her hair pulled back in a long black pony-tail with six inch stilettos. She doesn't talk to the guy as she stops to greet another domme, he simply kneels at her side as she talks. After a while the other woman starts to inspect him with her riding crop, lifting his chin then slapping his ass. He doesn't blink an eyelid and I feel a bit sick recalling the night I saw Christian like this.

The lights dim as the patrons are greeted by a dismembered voice through the house PA system, reminding them of the rules of their gathering. By now there are over a hundred people in the room and they all begin to settle down at tables for the show. The music starts and the first routine gets underway. The girls come out wearing an assortment of lacy corsets and my eyes are drawn to Kate who is at the back of the group. She looks so different in the wig but I would know the contours of her sexy body anywhere and I am glad for being able to hide my erection behind the bar. I would hate any of the dommes out there to get the wrong impression and think that I am on the market tonight. It was for this reason that I gave Kate a collar to wear. The last thing I need is for some over enthusiastic sadist wannabe to think he can approach her.

After the routine ends the lights come up and the first of the fetish displays begins. Although I have been to this event before I always find it a little disturbing. Don't get me wrong, each to his or her own and all that. I am not one to judge but there are always those whose hard limits test the boundaries for everyone else and they are the ones that you want to avoid. I can't get with the needle crowd and I certainly couldn't imagine anything remotely sexy about wearing a gag. Suspension leaves me a bit cold unless we are talking about something like a swing where it is about the movement rather than the incapacitation. Some of these guys just look downright ridiculous in their skimpy leather or pvc outfits and a couple of them have me questioning where they get these costumes made.

Stella walks out through the stage door looking for all the world like the exotic performer that she is, even though I know she doesn't dance much any more. She has worked her way up through the ranks here and now uses her considerable talents on choreography. Her partnership with Max seems to work really well as they produce shows in both the Burlesque and the All-male Review genres. As she is crossing the floor towards the bar she almost gets caught by someone swinging a short whip back in a fetish display.

"Safe, sane and consensual, Les." She smiles as she pats the offender's hand on the way past. He mumbles an apology and checks around him before he starts whipping the young woman who is tethered to a seat in front of him.

"Hey, Stells, what can I get you?" She shakes her head, no drinking on the job.

"Any sign of our boy?" The good part of this whole deal is that since Jason made the connection for us we have been able to get a picture of Jack Hyde. TJ still can't definitively id him because he has never seen him out of the shadows but he is fairly convinced that he has the same build. The only problem is that Jack isn't married according to the research from both Welch and Kate so we still have no idea who Elizabeth is.

"No, I am beginning to wonder if he isn't going to stay away from tonight. After all he has just become unemployed and being able to front up and afford an evening like this would take some capitol." Yes, the annual slave auction doesn't come without a considerably hefty entry fee. Never mind if you actually wanted to bid. Given the financial resources behind the membership of this event you have to wonder about the sexual inclinations of our powerful elite here in Seattle. Scary stuff.

The doors open and a new wave of people arrive, amongst them is Elena who is dressed head to toe in black leather. She casts an eye around the room and I turn my body so that I am looking at her reflected in the mirror behind the bar rather than directly in her face. The last thing I need is for her to recognize me through this disguise. Once more my hair is darkened, this time slicked back by the gel. All the bar and wait staff are shirtless with bow ties, cuffs and bowler hats. I am also sporting a thin mustache. Hopefully at a distance no one will know.

"You better get yourself backstage to change for the aerial. I have kept everyone away from dressing room 6 so that you will need to help Kate with her costume. She has a quick change after the pole." I already know all of this but Stella is ever the producer and her nerves require her to continually trouble shoot the evening.

"I'll go in about 15 minutes." Just then three newcomers move through the entrance and Stella visibly tenses up. It's our boy, Jack, with, of all people, Linc Lincoln and another imposing figure that I don't recognize. Shit, Jack and Linc, this can't be good. Stella's hand is gripping the bar and I reach out to place mine over it as TJ moves toward us. He has seen them too.

"Stella, turn around and look at me." I force her to look into my eyes. Hers are wide with panic and she has turned white as a sheet. "Stells, breath, I just want you to breath. Keep your eyes on me." If anyone looked right now it would seem that we were having a lover's moment. Luckily the lights have gone dim indicating that the pole routine is about to start. TJ moves in from the side, travelling slowly so that Stella can see him coming. I am still holding her hand firmly but she is shaking like a leaf.

TJ gently puts an arm around her shoulder and turns her body towards his. "It's okay Stell, I've got you. You're going to be alright." She slowly pulls her hand out of mine and TJ gives me a nod as he ushers her away. They move as quickly as they can back through the stage door and I watch carefully to make sure that she hasn't attracted any undue attention. Our boys have already taken their seats near the stage so have missed the action back here at the bar. I breath a sigh of relief. The last thing we needed was for Stella to fall apart now. The guy who is taking my shift for the aerial moves behind the bar and I follow TJ and Stella as quickly as I can backstage.

Once there I head straight for the dressing room. When I walk in Stella is sitting in a chair with her head between her knees while TJ rubs her back. She doesn't look good and TJ has his phone out dialing a number. He holds it up to her ear and she takes it from him with a deep breath.

"Hey babe. I just needed to hear your voice." There are a few tears on her face but for the most part her color is coming back and her breathing is almost under control again. TJ and I move out of the room so that she can talk.

"Fuck, I mean I knew that there was a chance he would come tonight but to have them together. What sort of karmic shit is that?" TJ has a look of panic.

"Don't you fucking fall apart on me too." This whole thing has just ramped up another notch in the risk stakes and I am having my own issues holding things together. This is the connection that I feared the most. The one that would do the most fucking damage. If it had just been Elena then we could have dealt but with Linc in the picture we have just gone to a whole new realm of fucked-up-ness.

"How do you want to handle this?"

"Fuck I don't know. We are out of our league here. No matter what we do we could all be screwed over by this little prick. How the hell is he connected with Linc?" It is not like I hadn't thought about this scenario and I certainly downplayed it when Kate and I discussed it. Fucking naive or what Grey? I am about to slam my fist into a wall when Stella comes to the door and hands me the phone. We move back into the room and close the door.

"Hey Will."

"Elliot, hi. Look James is here. He wants a word." I hear Will pass the phone to James.

"Dude, what the fuck is going on?" I explain a little about why we are here. My eyes seek out TJ, wondering if he has told James anything about his part in this. He gives an imperceptible nod which means it is okay to talk openly with James about the photos.

"Okay, we are getting on the first plane out of here and coming home." James always has my back just as I would always have his.

"Man, you don't have to do that. Tonight was just about information gathering if we could. We don't have anything we could take to the cops and now with Linc undeniably in the picture that is out of the question. I need to just get the team out of here tonight in one piece."

"Elliot, this is not up for discussion. If one of us goes down, we all go down. That is the way it has always been. We're coming back, end of story. Now tell me what else you had planned for tonight." I go into a brief explanation of the act, Ethan and the surveillance team.

"Man, it sounds like you have done everything you can. I really think you need to go ahead with what you have planned. If you walk out now you are leaving too many holes and you know what Linc is like, he will smell a rat."

"He's going to know it's me as soon as he sees the aerial man. I can't let that happen." There is a telling silence on the other end of the line. Stella and I are the only ones to have performed the aerial at any of the three clubs. Anyone who has been a long term member would know that. I don't know why I didn't think of it before especially knowing the likelihood that both Linc and Elena might turn up tonight.

"Are you doing it masked?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so they won't know for sure if it is you. They certainly won't know if it is Stella. It should cast enough doubt in their minds that they might slip up and make their own mistakes here. I know it's a calculated risk but maybe it is worth it to finish this thing once and for all."

I think about it for a moment, my mind going a hundred miles per hour. Trying to think through all the risk involved is enough to bring anyone to their knees but maybe he is right. Maybe the doubt will be enough for Linc to make a mistake.

"Alright. We will go ahead as planned." Just then Kate comes in fresh from the pole routine. She looks around at us all, Stella back on the chair looking green, TJ standing over her with a worried frown and me pacing like an agitated monkey talking on the phone. "I've gotta go, Kate's here and we need to get changed."

"Fine, can you put Stella on again." I hand the phone over. Stella talks quietly while I move Kate behind the screen to help her change. We don't speak and we can only just hear Stella talking, at first sounding agitated and then resigned. Then TJ has taken the phone.

"Yeah, I know man, yeah. I will. Sure. No problem. Will, she will be okay. I promise I will stay with her tonight. I won't leave her alone. Yeah, take care man. See you tomorrow."

Finally Kate and I emerge in our costumes and Stella sets about fixing Kate's hair and mask so that she takes on a new persona for the aerial. I remove the mustache and put on my own mask, my hands shaking uncontrollably. I have to get a hold of myself or I am going to put Kate and the baby at risk. Fuck, when I agreed to this I never would have thought we would end up here. It is the thought of my little family that has me centering myself. One aim, one focus, keep them safe.

"Is anyone going to tell me what is going on here?" Kate is painting some lip gloss on and she smacks her lips together as she catches my eye in the mirror. Stella looks at me for a moment in a silent plea. Not yet. I register her look and then move to a seat and turn Kate to look at me.

"Kate I need you to trust me. Right now is not the time to have this discussion. We have a job to do and we need to get through this evening first. Soon, I promise you, Stella is going to tell you what you want to know. No more secrets. But we can't do that now. What you do need to know is that Jack is here. So are Linc and Elena." Her eyes go wide.

"Fuck. I guess this is what we wanted. I could do without the Lincolns." She sits back in her seat and takes a deep breath. "Wow, so this is it?"

"Yeah, babe, this is it."

"And you promise that this other thing is not going to come between us?" Kate looks at me directly. She needs a reassurance that I simply can't give her. So I give her what I can.

"Babe, I promise you that I will love you until the day I die. Nothing will ever change that." And it won't but I can't promise that after tomorrow she will still love me or that I will be around to deliver that love in person. She takes a moment to read my face. I know that she gets that I love her. I also know that she is working through all the things I am not saying in her head. There is a flicker in her eyes when I see that she has worked out to her satisfaction what I am saying, that little bit of shock and dismay behind the love. Yeah, babe, this is not about us. It is about how a person's past can come back to bite you on the ass.

"Okay." She turns away and takes a tissue supposedly to wipe away some stray makeup but I can see the tear. She is scared that she is going to lose me and right now I can't blame her. We hold hands until the stage manager gives us our fifteen minute call and then we stand to go to the green room to warm up.

"Stella, I want you to stay here. Where you can feel safe." My hand is on her face. She is scared but she trusts me. She nods and mouths an apology. I should never have agreed to the aerial. "TJ you need to get back on the floor. Find Ethan and let him know…just let him know that Jack is here. I need all eyes on that table, okay?"

"Sure man." TJ moves aside and we walk through the door. This is it. This is a moment that I never thought I would ever repeat. It feels like fucking deja-vu and if Kate doesn't throw up soon, I think I will.


	14. Chapter 14: FlirtI'll Stand By You

_**I gotta know, don't you really understand  
One syllable words old man?  
You got a problem with my space?  
Get your look out of my face  
'Coz I've had it with your lies  
You're pretty damn close to being unfine  
'Cuz everything you do makes you look like a fool **_

_**You're looking for some dirt,  
I'm lifting up my skirt  
I'm searching for a light under me in my purse  
You always think the worst,  
I just wanna flirt  
You found me on my knees,  
Next thing you're saying "tease"  
I'm trying to find my phone and my keys, not your sleaze  
My spell is like a curse,  
I just wanna flirt **_

_**Flirt - Pussycat Dolls**_

* * *

His nerves are seeping into my veins and suddenly singing in front of this crowd doesn't seem like the worst thing I could go through. If Elliot can't get himself together then we are going to be putting ourselves in serious physical danger. Warming up in the green room consists of me lying on the floor and him stretching my leg up into a split. Normally he would be cracking jokes about now given the compromising position he has me in but he is reserved and tense. _Perhaps I should give him a blow job and be done with it._

Sitting up I turn so that I have my legs stretched out to form a diamond shape as they connect with his. The push of my feet against his calf muscles stretches his groin and hamstrings. The effect is heightened by pulling him by the shoulders towards me as I lie back on the ground. He is so flexible for such a big guy and he can put his body almost flat on the ground, his head against my groin. _If you won't say it, I will._

"While your down there." He glances up at the sound of my voice. I smile in what I hope is a lascivious manner. "Well, a girl has needs you know and I would hate you to regret a wasted opportunity later."

"Miss K, are you coming on to me?" _There's my Elliot. Come back to me babe._

"Oh, I think you _know_ I am coming on to you, Mr Grey." I lean in for a quick lick of his pecs as he sits back up, teasing his nipple with my tongue. "You look nice, all sparkly and yummy."

"You know that glitter dust is edible and has pheromones in it don't you?" His finger traces a line down between my breasts and he brings it up to my mouth. I take it inside my mouth and suck, rolling my tongue around his digit and making him groan. I suck hard and pull his finger out of my mouth.

"Mmm…they seem to be working, Mr Grey. I am feeling awfully horny right now and here you are about to make me writhe and squirm all over your body at 10 feet in the air. Seems a girl can't get a break?"

"Yeah, well you've given me a hard on big enough to pole vault up to that ring without any assistance Miss K so who is going to be in more discomfort up there, do you think?"

"Oh, I don't know. Having a nice fat cock to stabilize myself on sounds like a sensible precaution. After all I am the one who is going to be gushing all wet and creamy. I might find it difficult to grip in some of the holds." I give him a coy smile.

"Given that you spend half the routine with that delightful pussy firmly planted in my face, I can't wait to get a whiff of that baby. Don't be surprised if you feel my tongue on you at some point."

"Oh, I will look forward to that sweetheart. Especially with all those people watching us." My breath is coming in shallow pants now as my plan to relax Elliot backfires on me. I want to fuck him so badly. I slide myself forward so that my legs are over his thighs and rub myself against his hard cock. _Feels so good._

"Katie, let's not start something we can't finish, baby. I want you so much it hurts." His tongue snakes into my mouth and I open up for a passionate, tongue-thrusting kiss.

"Sweetheart, I am so going to fuck you tonight when we get home. Or maybe on the way home. Or maybe in the dressing room before we leave. I can't have my man with a nasty case of blue balls." He laughs and kisses me again. The stage manager chooses that moment to walk backstage and catch us in this rather awkward embrace. He coughs into his hand.

"Um, you need to move to your places now." Embarrassed he turns away from us and moves out of the space. We both laugh.

"How can someone who works in this place be phased by us? He's going to have to toughen up."

"I tell you babe, when you work in this place a bit of naked titty is passe. But catching two people who are quite obviously in love and lusting after each other, well, that is pretty rare around here." I giggle as he stands up and helps me to my feet. We check each other's costumes before moving into the wings.

The lights go down and I walk out and take my place on the floor. Elliot lies down upstage on the floor beside me.

"Deep breath, honey. I love you Kate." He whispers in the dark, holding my hand. I obediently breath in deeply.

"I love you too, Elliot." Then the music starts and the lights simultaneously fade up. We are bathed in blue light, wearing costumes that for all intents and purposes make us look as if we are naked, except for the sparkly bits. I have a white sheet wrapped around my body that Elliot, having risen up onto one elbow, unwraps slowly, lovingly, his eyes on mine with the hint of a sad smile. His hand touches my hair and then strokes down my body and I allow my body to ripple as he touches me. The rich soft female voice begins.

_**Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now**_

Pushing up on one hand he leans in to kiss me and my hands raise to his face before sliding down his front as he raises up and over the top of me. His leg extends out in an arabesque and then he slides down between my legs pressing his body against mine.

_**Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'Cause I've seen the dark side too**_

He continues back onto his knees and I push his shoulders so that he is sitting up. His hands slide beneath my bum, lifting my legs so that they are over his shoulders and I brace myself against the floor of the stage, arching my back as he pulls my hips off the floor.

_**When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothin' you confess, could make me love you less**_

In a fluid movement of incredible strength, I suck my stomach muscles in and he pulls me up so that I am bodily wrapped around his head and he holds me there for a fraction of a second before propelling me further up so that I can now place my feet on the ground and he slides his body down through my legs rolling to his back as he goes.

_**I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you**_

Turning the upper portion of my body I reach back to take his hand placing my downstage foot between his legs and extending into a perfect leg mount as I lean towards his body. I frete into a planche arabesque, Elliot supports my upper body before releasing me down in a ripple so that I am now lying on top of him. We kiss as we embrace first rolling upstage and the back downstage.

_**So, if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now**_

He does a push up over my body, not releasing my lips until the last minute when he arabesques and pushes himself up into a stand position. His hand is joined to mine and he braces both his feet firmly on the ground as he pulls me up again. This time I jump so that both legs are kneeling on his thigh and I lean into his hip extending my left leg into the air.

_**Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you**_

Our hands move to a cross over hold and he supports me as I perform a turning ronde de jambe out of his arms and move off across the stage away from him. By this stage the ring has lowered down and he simply reaches one arm up gripping the metal and keeping his body perfectly rigid as he is raised into the air. His other arm extends towards me and I race to grab it.

_**When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
'Cause even if you're wrong**_

He pulls me in an almost effortless movement so that I am gripping the metal and then I invert myself, sliding my legs up his body and over the edge of the ring. His body follows me. His hands let go of the ring and he is ready to hold my body. We are suspended in mid air, I no longer have any contact with the ring, only his glorious body as he holds me. I split me legs into a perfect inverted split and our lips meet, my arms free enough that I can embrace his face and stroke my hands through his hair.

There is a commotion in the audience but my focus is completely on Elliot as I feel his body tense up. I can't afford to lose concentration and neither can he. I bring his eyes back to mine, there is a moment when he sees me and relaxes then we continue in perfect motion. Sliding our bodies over and around each other. He is right I spend a great deal of time with my crotch in his face and at one stage I feel him open his mouth on me and breathe warm hot air against my swollen lips. His teeth even graze my clit through the thin material of my leotard and I almost come in mid-air. My nipples are stiff and sore as they grate against his chest and over the ring. It's almost too much sensation as we allow our hands to touch in places that we haven't quite choreographed.

Our tricks earn applause from the audience and we can feel the collective intake of breath as they take in each of the risk elements. In the end the routine looks more difficult than it is as we have taken out some of the parts that would require months of rehearsal and strength training. We have not tried to be ambitious and this keeps us both relatively safe. However, it is difficult enough for me and every element requires control, strength and concentration so I am encouraged that Elliot has not lost his focus again. Every time we can see each other, our eyes lock sending messages of love and trust. The danger gives as much of a rush as the best sex that we have ever had and I thoroughly believe in every message in the lyrics of this song. No matter what he has to tell me now, no matter what the situation brings, I will stand by him. I no longer have a choice and nor does he.

Finally we are lowered to the floor and we take our bow. Looking out at the audience we can see people standing to applaud. Amongst them are Jack and Linc. Jack looks morose and angry. Linc looks confused and furious. He is looking from the stage to the stage door where I can see Stella standing with TJ. She is looking at him defiantly with the kind of strength of purpose that a person gets when they are pushing through intense pain. Linc's fists are clenched and the big guy with him has his hand on his jacket as if he is going to pull out a gun. I gasp and pull Elliot from the stage. We run to the wings.

"Fuck, Elliot. That guy was he going to shoot someone." I can't possibly keep the anxiety out of my voice, I am so scared right now.

"No, babe, I don't think so. He didn't seem to know what was going on but Linc had already stopped him from taking out the weapon. That bit I saw. Linc is angry but he is confused, he obviously thought it was Stella on the stage but when she appeared at the stage door that threw him for a loop. He seems to have no idea who just performed."

Grabbing my hand he drags me back to the dressing room. No sooner have we stepped inside and stripped off our masks then Stella comes through the door with a tray of drinks in her hand and looks at us.

"Elliot what the hell were you talking about out there? Why would it matter if Stella was doing that routine?" I look from him to her in frustration. Always too many damn secrets. Why won't they just talk?

"It matters because Linc threatened to kill me if I ever performed that routine in public again." Placing the tray on the table she looks at me but I notice her body shaking as she holds the door handle at her back. Terrified. "Linc and I have a history that isn't pretty and certainly wasn't smart on my part."

"And you really believe that he would kill you over a dance?" I am finding it a little bit difficult to believe.

"Oh, I have no doubt whatsoever. I know first hand exactly what Linc is capable of." Her eyes are terrified belying the calm in her voice she pulls down her top to reveal a series of vicious scars under her arms and across her breasts. The shutters come down as she pulls her top back up. This is Stella withdrawing in the same way that I saw in Barbados. Her terror is very real and I move to her and put my arms around her.

"Stella, I am sorry for doubting you and for putting you in this position. Why didn't you say something? We could have dropped the routine."

"No, Kate, this is not your fault. I should have thought this through for myself. There was always a chance that Linc would have come tonight even though he hasn't been to the auction for the past three years. It was stupid of me to even suggest the routine."

"Are you going to tell me why he forbade you from performing or hwo you got those scars?" Her eyes flick to Elliot's whose face is impassive. He is leaving it to her to say something.

"Kate, I will tell you but if the guys are all coming back tomorrow I would rather we were all together. You will have questions that only they can answer so please, can we leave it at that tonight?"

I look at her studying her face a moment then nod. "All I want to know now is are we, any of us, at risk with Linc out there tonight?"

"Only if he recognizes Elliot. As long as he doesn't make that connection then we should be okay." _Fuck! Not Elliot, please not Elliot. "_Elliot, you need to get back into your other disguise and behind the bar. He will come back here and look for you now. You need to get back out where there are a lot of people."

Elliot moves past me to get changed. This is obviously no time to have a conversation. Stella locks the dressing room door and helps me out of my costume and into the next one for the song. She is quick to get my hair back under the wig, I put my contacts in and she applies heavy make up. The boots make me inches taller and I hope it is enough to fool Linc into thinking that I am someone else. Elliot is changed and reapplying his mustache. Stella and I work to mop the body glitter off him. When he is ready he gives me a quick peck on the lips, grabs the tray of drinks and heads down the corridor. Stella closes the door after he is gone.

A few minutes later a fist pounds the dressing room door making us both jump. Stella calms herself and walks to the door to open it. Linc is standing there with his bodyguard beside him. He looks even more furious than when we left the stage. I quickly glance around to make sure that there is no evidence of costumes from the last act. My leotard is still hanging over the chair and I move in front of it, keeping my hands behind my back as I pick it up. I quickly scrunch it into a ball and throw it into the rubbish bin by my dressing table. Hopefully I can get it back to Tiffany before someone empties the bin.

Someone has left a packet of cigarettes by the mirror so I nonchalantly pick it up and take a cigarette out, placing it between my lips. Stella is standing in the doorway trying to block Linc from coming in but he gives her an aggressive shove as he enters the room. I have one foot perched up on the chair, cigarette in my mouth as I fiddle with my fishnets. I look up at him from underneath the heavy bangs of my wig with a pouty glare, I take the cigarette out of my mouth.

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my dressing room?" I fake the best New York accent I can muster. It seems to be doing the trick as Stella looks at me open-mouthed.

"Don't mess with me Stella, where are they?" Linc sounds as furious as he looks. A big aggressive nasty with a bad attitude. The type of guy who would never let you eat your own lunch at school.

"I don't know what you're talking about Linc." Stella looks at him with a defiance she obviously isn't feeling. Linc raises his hand as if to hit her and she flinches away.

"Hey, hey, hey, big boy. You wanna play rough, then play rough with me." I move my body to stand between him and Stella. He glares past me at her then he refocuses on me. I push my body up against him. "Come on big boy. You wanna piece of me?" The cigarette is still in my hand as I run my hands from his shoulders down his arms.

"Who are you?" His hand reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. _Shit I am going to have to smoke this damn thing. Yuck._

"Kit, Kit St James." _Jesus, I hope I can remember that later._ "And you are?"

"Linc Lincoln." He flicks the lighter and I suck on the cigarette hoping that I don't choke. I inhale and then blow the smoke back into his face with a sexy pout.

"Well, Linc Lincoln. You look like a lot of fun. Are you gonna stick around and see my number? I would be deeply offended if you didn't." Linc's eyes light up and he seems to have forgotten Stella for the moment but then he glances up at her.

"Does your number include that prick Elliot Grey?" I look at him blankly and then at Stella with a question in my eyes.

"Elliot Grey? Don't believe I've ever heard of him, why?" I step back from him in mock horror. "Don't tell me you bat for the other side, Linc? What a fucking waste?"

"Watch your mouth, bitch." He points an aggressive finger in my face but I don't flinch. Instead I flick my tongue out and lick it, taking it into my mouth for a big suck. I want to throw up so badly right now but I hold it together as I gaze into his eyes.

"I mean it, Linc, it would be a real fucking waste." Grabbing the lapels of his suit jacket I pull him into me, grinding my hips into his trying for all the world to come across as a two bit whore. "How about I let you buy me a drink and I will tell you what a bad girl I have really been. I think I'm in need of a severe punishment."

The sharp intake of breath on his part tells me everything I need to know. Now I have his attention. _Come on you big bully, take the bait._ He reaches down and fingers the necklace Elliot gave me.

"Has your master given you permission to play, Pussy Kat. I don't piss in another man's territory." His voice is hoarse. He may not intend to but he wants to.

"My Master, allows me a LOT of latitude when I am working. In fact, he usually likes to watch so that he can discipline me appropriately later. Now about that drink." There is a pause as he looks in my eyes for more confirmation. Luckily he seems to see what he needs.

"Sure baby. Come on." His hand goes around my waist and we walk out the door together. I give Stella a quick look over my shoulder willing her to stay still. She just stares back at us wide-eyed as we disappear down the corridor and out the stage door.

Chatting nine to the dozen we saunter over to his table where Jack is still sitting. He looks up with obvious interest as I take a seat. The bully's bodyguard wisely sits at another table nearby. Linc summons a waiter and TJ sidles up to us, tray in hand. If Jack recognizes TJ he is giving nothing away.

"Champagne for the lady and two more whiskeys straight up." Linc takes my hand and starts to run his tongue in circles on my palm. _Eew gross._ It's like being seduced by one of my father's friends, disgusting. I try not to let it show on my face. Moving to sit on Linc's knee I grab TJ's hand before he can leave the table and look up at him.

"Hey, tell your boy to make me one of his special champagne cocktails. You know the ones I like." I give him a wink and hope like hell that he will convey this to Elliot.

"Sure, babe." TJ looks confused but he walks back to the bar and I see him whispering to Elliot who just looks furious. Jeez, all these angry men but I am the one putting myself on the line here.

Looking over Linc's shoulder I see TJ on his way back with our drinks. He pauses half way to the table to talk with another waiter and while I watch I see him drop something into one of the drinks. He looks directly at me while he mixes the drink with stick and then starts to approach again. I stand up and move back to my seat as he arrives. I toast with Jack and Linc then take a sip of my drink. Luckily Elliot has got the message and my drink is a non-alcoholic spritzer with a strawberry. This should fool Linc. I watch Linc carefully to see if there are any effects of his drink. Before too long Ethan walks over to our table. _Shit, shit, shit. What the hell are you up to?_

"Hey, aren't you Jack Hyde from SIP?" Ethan doesn't look at me or Linc. He keeps all of his attention focused on Jack and sways as if he is already a little drunk. Jack returns his stare with a sullen look.

"Who wants to know?" He takes a big slug of his drink then leans back in his seat to look at Ethan.

"Ethan, Ethan Tremaine." Shit, Mom's maiden name. Why didn't I think of that? "I sent you a manuscript a few months back. I wanted to thank SIP for signing me up. I got the confirmation today so I am celebrating tonight. Let me buy you another drink." He thumps down in his seat and summons TJ. "Another round for everyone."

"I…sure, I remember you." It is clear to anyone who might be listening that he has no idea. I suspect that he smells a rat and luckily Ethan picks up on this immediately.

"Well, it wasn't you exactly. It was one of the other editors who got me the contract but I sent my manuscript to you because… I. Knew. You. Were. The best." He pokes Jack in the chest with a finger on each word to emphasize his point then he frowns. "I guess it never made the cut for your personal attention but that is okay. I'm just glad someone was prepared to take a look at it."

"Sure, fine kid." Jack seems pretty disinterested. "I don't work at SIP any more, anyway."

"Oh? You don't?" Ethan gets a look of concern on his face. Very convincing. "I only went to SIP because of you. Where are you now?"

Jack looks like he is immediately getting an idea in his head and I know that Ethan is deliberately planting it there. I wish he would stop. I don't need his help right now.

"Well, I might be starting up my own publishing house soon so if you're interested I will give you a call." Smart Jack.

"Sure. I would really appreciate that." Ethan has sidetracked us long enough and the slave auction is almost over. It is time for me to head backstage. "Well it was nice to meet you, Mr Hyde. And you too Miss…?"

I reach my hand up to his. "St James, Kit St James." He grins at me as he shakes my hand. Linc scowls next to me.

"Fuck off kid. She's not interested." You've got that right but not for the reasons you think, you ugly troll. Ethan gives a look like he might want to take Linc on. _Oh no you don't._

"Hey boys, play nice." I chug down my drink and stand up. "Well, Linc, Jack, Mr Tremaine, it has been a real slice but I have to earn a living. Mr Tremaine, why don't you stay and keep my friends company. The next round is on me boys."

"Thank you Miss St James. Don't mind if I do." Ethan slurs at me and gives me a wink then summons TJ over and has a quiet conversation with him.

"Oh, it is my pleasure." His attention is elsewhere so I turn to Linc. "Now baby, how about giving a girl a hand." Linc takes my outstretched hand and kisses it then guides me toward the stage.

The lights go out, TJ has walked over to hand me the mic as I don't have time to go backstage. The girls will be standing in position backstage ready to drag their chairs on. TJ makes the announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Club Orpheus presents straight from New York, Miss Kit St James and the dancers of Burlesque Siren." _Shit, how did he know the name I chose?_ Then I catch Ethan's eye and he gives me a wink. Oh. The applause starts and I walk up on to the stage in time with the music, dragging my hand around Linc's face and down his arm as I go. He looks a little dazed but unfortunately still very much with it. I hit the top of the stairs at the same time as the girls and I turn into the spotlight. Given the bullshit I have been spinning for the past twenty minutes now is not a time for nerves.

"Let's go girls…_**Some times I feel I've got to **_(bump, bump) _**get away, I've got to **_(thrust, release) _**run away…**_" I go into overdrive, strutting around the stage, grinding my pelvis at the audience. The feeling is unbelievable as the crowd starts to respond to me and I can feel the energy on the stage lift. Suddenly all those years of flirting are having a pay off.

As the instrumental break approaches I make my way down to the audience and find Linc's table. Still singing I give Linc a lap dance before turning my attention on Jack. Whereas Linc sat impassively during my performance, Jack starts manhandling me. He places his hands on my hips as I move in but soon shifts his grip to my ass pulling my pelvis into his face, the perv. I grind a little hoping that he will let go but he holds on tight so I lean over placing my hands on his shoulders and push backwards away from him. The eyeful of cleavage is too much for him and he releases my bum but shifts his hands over my breasts and squeezes.

Several things happen at once, at this point and they seem to be happening in slow motion. Elliot vaults the bar, TJ moves across to us from the other side of the room and Linc is out of his seat with a look of fury. Jack is a little too drunk to notice how much danger he is in. However, my savior is Ethan who appears to be laughing at the whole thing, looking for all the world as though he is drunkenly enjoying Jack's groping and that, at any moment, he is going to join in. Leaning towards us he half stands and reaches for me pulling me into his body and as I go into his arms he appears to lose balance,knocking his full glass of whiskey all over Jack's lap.

"Fuck, what the hell?" Jack is up out of his seat and ready to punch Ethan as he stumbles back releasing me. I step towards Linc who wraps his arms around me and signals to the bouncers. Very quickly Jack is evicted out the main doors while TJ and Elliot make as if to grab Ethan and evict him. I keep Linc focused on me while they take him out through the stage door.

Linc takes his arm from around my waist leading me back to the stage just as the track segues into Mercy. Somehow I manage to keep going knowing that to stop would be to draw attention for all the wrong reasons. Staff have moved to Linc's table to tidy up and he settles back watching attentively but with a look of thunder on his face. The song finishes and I leave the stage but peer out from the wings to see what is happening.

By the time the lights come back up Jack Hyde is well and truly gone and Linc still looking furious with the world is on his way out. He seems to have forgotten his need to locate the aerial dancers. His gait is sluggish which could be the drugs that have been slipped into his drink. Nothing seemed strong enough to knock him out but now he doesn't look quite himself. _Good, the sooner the bastard is gone, the safer I can keep Elliot._

Satisfied that he is leaving I make my way back to the dressing room. As I walk in I see everyone is waiting for me. Ethan gives me a squeeze as he leaves the room with TJ. Stella starts to help me undress and Elliot holds his position, his body shaking with barely suppressed rage. I know this is largely aimed at Jack and Linc but I also suspect some of it is for me. He looks for all the world like he wants to take me over his knee.

"What the fuck was that Kate?" Turning in my seat I stare up at him impassively.

"Don't start with me Elliot. I did what I had to do to divert his attention away from Stella and you. I would do it again in a heart beat. I don't know what is going on here but I took what you said tonight at face value and I trusted you. It would be good if you could give me the same courtesy." I really don't have it in me to listen to him rant at me about taking risks or the baby or how stupid I am. Half expecting him to still go off like a rogue rocket he surprises me by kneeling at my feet and placing his head in my lap.

"I was so fucking scared, baby. If he had hurt you I don't know what I would have done." His shoulders are shaking as he murmurs into my thighs. All I can do is stroke his hair to calm him down.

"It's okay babe. I'm fine. He's a big bully, that's all." Elliot's head snaps up and he looks at me with red, tear-filled eyes.

"No Kate, he is so much worse." Shit what have I done.


	15. Chapter 15: Losing You

_**There are things in this life I,  
Would rather not sacrifice  
You girl I cannot live without  
And you know there's no doubt that  
All I mind's losing you**_

_**And I don't mind losing sleep**_  
_**Pray the lord my soul to keep**_  
_**I'll get plenty rest so when I'm dead but 'till,**_  
_**'Till then won't you share my bed 'cos,**_  
_**All I mind's losing you**_  
_**All I mind's losing you**_

_**And I don't mind losing money  
There's nothing this life owes me  
I've been given more than I can receive  
But for, for you there's no receipt so,  
All I mind's losing you  
All I mind's losing you**_

_**Losing You - John Butler Trio**_

* * *

"Elliot, we have to go now." Ethan is standing in the doorway looking at us. I can't quite take this in, he wants me to go, where? Why? "Jack has been outside in the car park trying to pick up one of the dancers since the bouncers threw him out. They're still there. If you move your sorry ass we can follow him. Come on."

Kate lifts my chin, all anger gone, only her loving concern. "Baby, go, I'll get TJ to take me home." Whereas before I felt sluggish now my body responds quickly as I make myself stand. Stella and Kate both look as anxious I feel but now I am running on pure adrenalin.

"Stella, I want you to go back to my place. You will be safe there. Tell TJ to stay there until Ethan and I get back. Kate, you need to call Jen and Karen, let them know that there are extras coming back tonight. I will call Jason and tell him what's happened." Kate nods acknowledging my instructions. I don't want to leave her but this is an opportunity to find out more about the connection between Jack and Linc. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"I know. Me too. Now go." She presses her lips against mine and I am glad that she isn't wearing the wig any more. I long for her deep sea green rather than these strange brown eyes that are staring at me. I want my Katie back.

"I love you more than I can say, babe." _Please, believe in me. I need you._

"Laters babe." This time the kiss is less gentle, her hands gripping my face then moving my hand to her stomach. "We need you home with us soon."

Ethan and I move at pace, running out to my truck. Jack is striking out drunkenly across the car park to his vehicle. We watch and then follow as he pulls out onto the main road, his car weaving through the traffic. Luckily enough other patrons are leaving so that we can keep a couple of cars between him and us. I call Jason and quickly explain what we are doing.

"Elliot, I have the surveillance team about a block from you now. They are going to cut in and pick him up and then I want you out of there. This is our area of expertise not yours and you need to get back to Kate." Jason is all business. _Not tonight buddy._

"No way, I need to put the fear of God into this little prick tonight." The thought of pummeling Jack Hyde's face for what he just did to Kate is high on my priority list of ways to finish my evening.

"Elliot, I need you to stand down. This is our fight, not yours."

"Jason, he arrived at the club tonight with Linc Lincoln. Jack Hyde has just become very personal." I hear him suck in a sharp breath.

"Shit. Elliot, you can't go there. Linc has too much shit on you for this just to lay down and die. Think about Kate and the baby." _Low blow, buddy, they are about all I am thinking about._

"Jason, I am and remember the shit goes both ways. He takes me down and I will damn well make sure that he goes as well. He won't fuck with another member of my family ever again." Ethan is sitting next to me with his fists clenched. _Fuck, not the way we wanted to tell him he is going to be an uncle. Not now._ "Man, I gotta go. I can see the van now behind me. I'll drop back and let them take the lead but I'm not going home."

There is a moment of silence. "Okay, but don't do anything stupid."

"You know me, Jase, model citizen, sensible as all fuck." This at least earns me a small chuckle.

The black van pulls up alongside us and the guy riding shot gun signals. I drop back to let them in front and then follow them across town towards Beacon Hill. Finally we slow down outside a run down apartment building and watch as Jack's car disappears down the drive. We pull up a block past the entrance and everyone piles out of the cars gathering on the street. Four guys in black suits and sunglasses make up the surveillance team. _Fucking MIB or what?_

"Phil Johnson, Mr Grey, how do you want to handle this?" Phil has obviously been briefed by Jason and I appreciate that he is deferring to me but now that we are here I am feeling out of my depth. Every bone in my body wants to go in and personally smack the living shit out of this guy but suddenly the risks seem too great. _It was that kind of approach that landed you up to your nuts in shit last time._

"I want him frightened - scared enough to leave town - but not damaged. And I don't want him connecting this with the Grey family. He has to believe that the threat is from Linc Lincoln. Tell him that Mr Lincoln is cutting off his resources. Tell him he wasn't pleased with his behavior at the club tonight with Miss St James. You might also want to suggest that for his own safety, he leaves Seattle, tonight."

"You've got it, Sir." We stand and watch them walk inside the building. Waiting for them is agony but after half an hour they emerge with the kind of swagger that says 'mission accomplished'. They head back to the van except for Phil who comes over to us.

"All done Sir. He was scared enough to start packing as we were speaking so it may pay for you to make yourself scarce. I think he is going to leave tonight. We will follow him out of town and let you know where he is through Mr Taylor."

"Thanks, Phil." Ethan and I climb into the truck and leave. The drive back is relatively quiet as Ethan lets me calm down.

"I had lunch with your sister today." _What? _

"I wasn't aware that you knew her." _And I've seen you in action in Barbados, so don't fuck with Mia. _

"Don't go the double standard with me Elliot. As I understand it you've knocked up my sister."

"Don't start Ethan. This isn't the same."

"Really? Are you going to do the right thing or are you going to cut and run?"

"I love her. I will marry her but she isn't ready to make that decision yet. I've been waiting as patiently as I can for her to come around to the idea but it is fucking killing me. So please, don't make this any worse by trying to have this conversation with her."

"Okay."

"Okay?" I can't believe that he is letting this drop so easily. _Pussy._

"Look, I'm not exactly over the moon. As her big brother I feel an obligation to say something. But I know that you love her. Hell, by anyone's standard, you're totally whipped."

"Yeah, I am. Are you going to tell me how you know Mia?"

"Nope." _Tight-lipped fuck._

"No?"

"None of your business. Get a ring on Kate's finger and we'll talk." _Ah, now I understand. Well, best of luck buddy. If you can wrestle the crouching tiger that is Mia Grey, good fucking luck to you. _

"Done. Just remember, blunt knife…"

"Yeah, yeah. The Kavanagh code…" He chuckles and then goes quiet which suits me fine.

The lights are on in the treehouse as we sweep up the drive. Kate swings the door open and throws herself into my arms before we even make it inside. Her lips fix on mine and I can feel Ethan's discomfort beside us.

"Elliot, I was so scared." Tears are in her eyes and I bend down to look at her pretty face, wiping them away with my thumbs.

"Baby, it's okay, I'm here." Her arms wrap around my waist and she ushers us inside. Everyone is still awake and standing around anxiously. TJ has a crying Stella hugged into his body. I walk over to her. "Stells, it's okay. We will work this out tomorrow. Right now Linc won't be coming after you, TJ took care of that."

"Listen everyone," Karen's husky voice cuts through. "Tonight it is too late to analyze this. Stella, you are down the hall from Elliot and Kate. TJ, you can have the room next door to hers. Ethan you know where you are. Can I suggest that everyone gets some sleep?"

She's right. It's 3am and we all need to rest. The morning will be soon enough.

The next day everyone wakes late. Karen and Jen have brunch ready when we all wander out at different stages of the morning. Kate and I move around each other in a gravitational orbit, not daring to be out of each others sight. I am glad it is not just me who feels this way. Eventually we hear from Jason. Phil's surveillance team followed Jack south to Portland where he checked into a motel. He was back on the road again and heading south by 9am but then they lost him about an hour out of Portland. Johnson's team will monitor both Linc's place and Jack's apartment to ensure that he hasn't doubled back to Seattle.

James calls from Miami to let us know that he is in transit with the boys and they will be in Seattle by 9pm. Kate hasn't pressured Stella to talk for which I am thankful. Stella needs Will here to support her more than she needs to divulge anything about her past. Instead Kate and I are cuddling on the couch.

"Babe, we are meant to be arriving back from Barbados today. Ana will be expecting me to call her soon." I know how much she doesn't want to move from the couch but she is also excited about seeing Ana. At least she has only thrown up once today but I can feel the exhaustion in her body. I have this overwhelming urge to lock her up in our room and simply hold her for the next few days but my girl won't allow herself to be pinned down by a little pregnancy discomfort. We have talked this morning already about her starting work on Monday. She's excited at the prospect while I am worried about Linc or Jack working out who she is and how I can keep her safe. This little glimpse inside Christian's psyche is doing my head in.

"The Barbados flight gets in at 4pm so you can pretend to call her from the airport and arrange to meet her after work tonight."

"I would like to go back to my apartment, just to make sure everything is okay and to get some more clothes." Ethan offers to take Kate back to her apartment and go with her to meet Ana. I need to check in with my parents after all, my mother still thinks I'm in Barbados. It is also a chance to check in with my baby sister about her new friendship. In the meantime Kate goes off to our room for a nap.

Around 3pm I go up to check on her. She looks so peaceful and beautiful when she is asleep so I lay on the bed next to her and just look. Her hair is a tussled mass of blond curls, her dark, thick lashes lay against her flushed cheeks, her pink lips pout and I notice that she has dribbled on the pillow which is kind of cute. I blow on her cheek gently tracing a figure eight across her face. She stirs, rolling onto her back with a sexy stretch. Her body must still be aching from the workout she has had this week and she groans. Her eyes don't open.

"Hi." She smiles but doesn't look at me so I lean in and kiss her eyelids as softly as I can.

"Hi." Slowly she lifts her arms up to grasp my head and pull my face down to hers. We kiss, soft and chaste at first and then her tongue teases my lips and I open up for her. I can't describe how much I love the way she kisses, as if I am the most delicious thing she has ever tasted. She bites my lip and I groan.

Pulling back she looks into my eyes. Her thumbs trace the contours of my face as she examines me thoroughly. I touch her nose with mine, breathing in her lilac scented skin. I love the way she smells, the way she feels, the way she looks at me like I'm some fucking fairytale prince.

"You wanna make out?" Her voice is a husky whisper, probably as a result of last night's efforts. The timbre gets me in the groin but I don't want to make her tired again so I pull back.

"Honey, you know I do but you have a big night ahead of you with Ana. How about I stay with you at your place tonight?" As if I would give her any other choice.

"Oh, I don't know. I think my master wouldn't approve." She places her hand to her neck and I notice that she is still wearing the collar from last night.

"You know that is a $12,000 dollar necklace you have just worn to bed Miss K." Immediately she sits up with a yelp.

"Fuck, Elliot! You never told me that. Oh my God." Her hands fly to the back of her neck as she tries to unclasp it. I reach out and still her hands with a smile.

"Kate, don't. If this is the closest thing to a ring that I am going to get on you at the moment then I will take it. Please don't take it off." Her eyes are drilling my skin like lasers. Uh oh, Miss K is about to blow.

"You know, I was fine with this while it was meant to keep me safe. But I don't like the implication that it means you are paying for me to be submissive to your will." Fuck, this.

"Kate, you were fine with it a moment ago. You don't like the implication that I spent a lot of money on it. Admit the truth, for Christ's sake. This is because it is getting too close to being a fucking engagement ring and you still don't want to get married do you?"

This time she manages to get the clasp undone and she throws it in my face as she storms off to the bathroom. "What, Kate? Nothing to say?" I follow her in as she strips off and turns the shower on. The most she can do is glare at me and give an exasperated grunt. I turn around and go back out to the bedroom and she follows me.

"What I don't like is that YOU seem to think this is something close to an engagement ring. I don't like that you got me to wear it under duress and now it is supposed to mean something other than keeping me safe in a difficult situation. I resent that the message it sends is that I will honor and obey you in all things when you know that I am totally incapable of that and I REALLY, REALLY resent that you haven't even fucking asked me!"

Immediately I sink down on to both knees and throw my arms out to the side in supplication. "I'm fucking asking you, Kate. I've been fucking asking you for weeks. I will continue to fucking ask you until you fucking well say YES!"

Then she does the only thing that she can do. She giggles. And as she giggles her tits jiggle and we both realize how ridiculous this argument is. Her buck naked, berating me in one breath and giggling like a school girl in the next. Me, prone on my knees, yelling expletives at her. She grabs the necklace off the bed and comes down to the floor, kneeling in front of me. Placing the necklace in my hand she turns around and holds her hair up. I fasten it around her neck and then kiss her soft skin just under her earlobe.

"I'm sorry I yelled but I am not going to stop asking you."

"I am sorry for making a big deal out of this and, while this is not a definitive yes, because quite frankly this is not a proposal's armpit, Mr Grey, I will wear this so that, for now at least, the world will know that I am spoken for."

I stand up, pulling her with me and turn her around in my arms. Stepping into my embrace I feel her give in. She is submitting to me on so many levels, but she is right, I won't kid myself that this is an agreement to get married. And I can't ask that of her right now with the threat of Linc ever present in our lives. There are some things I won't do to her.

"Kate, when I am certain that I am not going to be dragging your name through the courts, I will ask you properly. And by God woman you had better be ready to say yes this time around otherwise I swear I will go caveman on you and drag you off to Vegas for a quickie wedding." Her body has stilled and I know that she is not concentrating on my poorly timed attempt at humor.

"I wish you would just tell me what Linc has on you." She gazes up into my eyes with the start of tears in hers. I wipe them away with my thumbs before she can start.

"I will babe. But…"

"I know, I know. I won't ask again. In the meantime I am going to wear this very expensive bondage collar into the shower. Care to join me?" My cheeky, sexy Kate is more temptation than I can bear and so I nail her good and proper against the cool, tile walls while the water rains down on us. Nothing feels more like home than being inside her and I make sure that she cums at least three times before I find my release.

Arriving home to Bellevue usually has an instant comfort feeling for me. There has always been something about family that makes me feel safe and relaxed but home now is Kate and she is back at her apartment with her brother getting ready for a night on the town. I can't explain why but I miss her already. My mom greets me at the door and gives me a big welcome home hug and I feel just a little guilty that I have been lying to her over the phone all this week. Dad gives me a knowing look over her shoulder but it is obvious that he has been maintaining the lie, albeit uncomfortably.

Mia has cooked up a storm for my homecoming and there is way too much rich food. She knows how to spoil a man which makes me wonder about her intentions with Ethan. At some point I am going to have to have a conversation with her. She has crushed on most of my or Christian's friends over the years, including Jason and James, and I have a fairly good idea of how her mind works. She likes to go in both guns blazing, demand all or nothing for a month or so and then the fireworks start. While I am sure Ethan can handle her, I am not convinced that we need that kind of complication in family relations between the Greys and the Kavanaghs.

Kate calls in the middle of dinner to let me know their plans and I promise to get there as soon as I can. Of course, Mom would like me to stay longer and I feel guilty about letting down my best girls but Kate takes priority now. I stall a bit longer hoping that Mom won't feel too disappointed when I have to leave. I am making plans to feign tiredness from a day of travel when my phone rings.

"Elliot, we have a problem." Jason sounds tense and I wonder if Jack is back in town or Linc is making moves. Walking through the french doors I go outside the house.

"What's wrong man?" I almost don't want to hear. My father is standing at the door looking at me with some concern. Luckily Mia and Mom are in the kitchen preparing dessert.

"It's Christian. He and Ros took Charlie Tango and flew to Portland this morning." Shit, have they had a run in with Jack? "Charlie Tango disappeared off the radar about twenty minutes after they left this afternoon to return to Seattle. We have no idea where they are."

Fuck! I stare at Dad, sure that the blood must have drained from my face. Not Christian, not now.

"How long have they been missing? What are we doing to find them?" By this time Mom and Mia have moved to the door wanting to know what is happening. Fear chills my body.

"It's been four hours and we are doing everything we can but the GPS is down on his phone and there is no signal from the chopper either. Listen, we can't keep this out of the press for much longer. We are about to call in search and rescue and that means the police. The media will get hold of this soon after. I haven't called Ana or your parents. I figure it would be better coming from you."

"I'm with my parents now. Tell Gail to expect everyone in the next hour. I will call Ana." I thank God that Kate is with Ana right now. This is the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life. I quickly relay the conversation to everyone. Dad quickly hustles them out the door and heads to Escala. I get in the truck and then I call Kate.

"Hey baby. Listen, I need to talk to Ana." The noise from the bar cuts through in the background and I can hear the confusion in Kate's voice but she doesn't question me.

"Hello." Ana's voice is quietly curious.

"Ana." My voice chokes. _Fuck, not now. Hold it together._

"What's wrong?" _Shit, shit, shit. Don't cry. Don't fucking cry._

"It's Christian. He's not back from Portland."

"What? What do you mean?"

"His helicopter has gone missing."

"Charlie Tango?" Her voice is no more than a whisper. "No!"


	16. Chapter 16

_**It's not like I made myself a list **_

_**Of new and different ways to murder your heart **_

_**I'm just a painting that's still wet, if you touch me I'll be smeared **_

_**You'll be stained, stained for the rest of your life**_

_**So turn around, walk away **_

_**Before you confuse the way we abuse each other **_

_**If you're not afraid of getting hurt **_

_**Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you**_

_**I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself **_

_**Are you aware I'm a danger to others? **_

_**There's a crack in my soul, you thought was a smile**_

_**Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar **_

_**Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar**_

_**Leave A Scar - Marilyn Manson**_

* * *

I don't think I have ever seen pain like it. Elliot and his family are one thing but Ana … oh my poor Ana. She just sits and looks into the fire, unable to speak, barely crying. Every now and then she looks around the room as if she has no idea who any of these people are or what they are doing here. We take it in turns to sit with her but she is a shell, an empty husk housing a broken and battered heart.

Grace is devastated. Her son, her baby is missing and I find myself holding my stomach as if I can feel her loss. I know that she didn't give birth to him but I can see the physicality of her pain etched in her tired eyes. There is no difference between her baby and mine in terms of a mother's love and my heart is breaking for her. At least she has her other children here with her and she has Carrick, lending his quiet strength. I look at Ana and can see how she is cut adrift from the Greys, an interloper on the outskirts of Christian's life. Yet they don't know her and they don't understand what he means to her or she to him. Elliot always knew, he always saw the potential of what they could be to each other. I don't think that they see her presence as strange or foreign here and even if she does, they won't let her go easily. Grace will always need Ana's confirmation that in these last days, her son was happy.

Elliot's pain travels to me in waves across the cavernous space of the great room. He is constantly on the move, talking with his parents, his sister, with Jason and Gail. Restlessly seeking to keep the feelings of helplessness at bay. For him this is baby Christopher and his mother all over again. History repeated and I wonder what I can possibly do to help him survive any of this unscathed if Christian isn't found soon. Quite frankly, logic and precedence tells me that this will not end well and then all of these people, who I now love dearly, will almost certainly carry this pain forever.

Gail comes over and whispers to me quietly asking if I need anything. She has been thrown by this too and her reaction is more than just about her employer. This is about a friend. Someone she respects and I realize that somehow, if Christian ever comes out of this alive, that he and I have fences to mend. I don't know if he will ever forgive me for the way I treated him but I would give anything right now to have the chance to apologize.

In the end I go to my own fall back position. Between bouts of quiet conversation and holding Ana's hand, I watch the news, hour after hour of media coverage speculating about Christian, showing photos of him at various events including that one photo of he and Ana that has been circulating since graduation. I always thought that she deferred to him, that she was a good submissive. Now every time it flashes I can see how much she loved him even then. And he loved her. I didn't know, I didn't understand. It seemed so unrealistic that she should fall in love so fast and fall in love with someone like him. Now I get it. Shit, this is so unfair.

My hand fingers the collar like some sort of talisman. It soothes me. I make up my mind definitively, as if I hadn't already, that I will marry Elliot if he asks me again. I would give up everything to build my life with him. He is that important to me and there is safety in knowing that he would never ask me to. I want this baby, I want a family of little Elliots to love and cherish. I want to make music, to make love, to dance with him for the rest of my life. I never want to know this kind of empty, helpless loss that I see around me now. My eyes seek his knowing that behind his pain is love. An endless capacity to love. I know this from all of those wonderful people who are staying out at the treehouse tonight. I know from the way he pulls his family and friends together in this crisis, from the way he mobilizes his resources to look after his brother, from the way he protects his friends and their privacy, from the way he has become an intrinsic part of my family.

Text messages of support come through to us. And I mean to us not just Elliot. My phone is full with words of comfort from my parents, James, Will, TJ, Stella, Max, the girls at the club, Jen, Karen even little Jake. Ethan squeezes my hand whenever I pass him. He is holding Mia. I never knew. He never said anything. I wonder, how would I feel if I lost my big brother. Ethan has always been my friend as well as my brother. I don't ever want to find out. A lump forms in my throat as it hits me. Christian is, with the exception of ceremony and a piece of paper, my brother. I may very well have lost him. Christian, where are you? I want you to be my big brother too. I want you in my life. My eyes fix on Ana, I want you to come back and love my best friend in the whole world, because she needs you, they need you, I need you.

Suddenly a figure appears in the doorway. It's him, looking too much like crap to be a ghost, shoes in his hand, tired as all hell but it is him. I want to run to him and throw my arms around him but it isn't my place. I watch as Grace does what none of us can do. I see the surprise in his face, he has no idea, no idea how much love has been waiting in this room, willing him home. We have to do something to fix that. We all have to make him understand. I walk over to Ana who looks for all the world like she is seeing a ghost. I worry if she isn't going into shock and I put an arm around her. Her body is shaking but I think she is going to be alright.

"He's here, Ana." I whisper to her. She blinks a little, not quite believing and then the tears that wouldn't come are coursing down her cheeks. Oh, baby girl. I know. I look for Elliot again who is holding back his own tears. My own hand touches my face and feels the dampness there. There, Christian, you big dumbass, not a dry fucking eye in the house. Don't you dare stand there and act surprised. My stomach cramps as if my darling is agreeing with me and I gently grip myself again. Its okay my baby, you're uncle is here. He's home.

Once he is settled and everyone has satisfied themselves that he is safe we begin to make arrangements to leave. Mia wants to be with Ethan but for some reason Ethan refuses her. I don't think it is because he doesn't want her but perhaps he feels that her mother may need her more tonight. I see her reaction and wonder if Mia has some growing up to do. That was me only a few weeks ago. Now, with Elliot, with the baby, I have grown up so much. Mia will too. Ethan just needs to be patient.

Gail pulls me aside before we leave.

"Kate, I have something I need to discuss with you. Can I meet you for coffee tomorrow?" I am curious but then nothing about this new life of mine surprises me any more. Gail and I will be good friends, I know because I can see how she takes care of the people I love.

"Yes, of course. Jason has my number. Call me in the morning." Elliot, Ethan and I leave together. It is late and none of us want to make the drive up to the treehouse so we head back to my apartment. As I walk into it I wonder how much longer I will live here. Perhaps Ethan will stay. Certainly I can't see Ana coming back here. Maybe we will keep a city apartment and the treehouse. Who knows. It doesn't feel like home except when Elliot is here.

We hold each other close during the night after gently making love in quiet desperation. My love is tightly wound around his heart and there is really no other place for me to be. It should be the sleep of the dead but instead it is a restlessness that seeks to touch and be touched all night long. That is until I wake in the morning, tense, anxious, ready to throw up. Elliot is with me, holding my hair back, helping me brush my teeth, holding me close. I love him so much.

Gail calls around 11am and I wander down to the market to meet her. I drink peppermint tea rather than coffee. She doesn't comment. I can see the tension and anxiety around her eyes. This must be important.

"Kate, I wanted to talk about this with you for the last couple of days but I know that you have been busy. Then last night it almost seemed like it would be pointless but then when Mr Grey, Christian, came back, I knew that I needed to have this conversation with you. For my own peace of mind." As an opening this is a doozy and I am instantly on edge.

"I am worried about Jason. He is feeling conflicted but I think he won't say anything to Elliot out of loyalty." She looks ill.

"Gail, it's okay. Tell me, I would like to think that we are friends." I give a weak smile that she returns. The love for her man is in her eyes and she dashes away a tear. What is it about these men that have us all turning to mush?

"Jason has revealed so much to Elliot about Christian's life. I know that this is why Elliot wanted us at Escala, to help Christian, to look after him. But we both signed NDA's and it seems that since Ana came into his life we are breaking those agreements constantly." Oh. This is not what I was expecting. I don't know what I thought she wanted to say to me but this is so far from it.

"You don't want Ana in his life?"

"No, no. Oh God no. Please, nothing could be farther from the truth. We both love Ana and would do anything for her. She has made Christian so happy. He is a totally different man with her in his life." I don't get it. "It's just… as much as we have a loyalty to Elliot, we are employed by Christian and a lot of that is about discretion. Now that they are more - settled in their relationship - well, it's just…"

"Oh, I see." Now I totally get it. If they continue to tell us what is going on at Escala then they are betraying not only Christian but Ana too. I knew I would love this woman.

"Gail, I understand. Really I do. Please, unless it is a life or death situation, we don't need to know. There is still this threat to the family and we are trying to deal with that. Unless it comes knocking at the doors of Escala then please, don't give this another thought."

"But I worry. Ana needs someone to confide in. The hard part is she knows that I know but I am an employee. There is a line we can't cross. But you, Elliot says that you have been her best friend for a long time. I watched you with her last night. You felt her pain in a way that I would if it had been my sister sitting there. She needs you but somehow she has to be able to talk without the NDA getting in the way. I just wish there was a way that you could, I don't know, catch them out. Something so that she doesn't have to keep secrets. So she can have you back in her life properly."

"Yeah, me too." Then it occurs to me that I have the very thing in my possession that could tip the balance and if I play it right then perhaps Christian might be on board too. "Gail, can I share something with you and you can tell me if you think this will work. I need to know how you think Christian might react."

For the next half hour we discuss my plan. Gail is not confident about Christian. Last night all I wanted to do was make things right between us and this could make things worse. I feel sick at the thought that I might create more distance but I am hoping that if I pitch this right it will be enough to create a crack for Ana to step through. This is unknown territory and while I don't know Christian, I do know Ana. I just might get my friend back, tonight.

After lunch Elliot and I drive out to the treehouse to meet up with James and the boys. Everyone is relaxed and sitting around on the deck drinking beer trading tall tales when we come in, Zeus bouncing exuberantly beside us. Elliot seems happy to have them all there. It has been a big few days for him and he needs his boys around him. Stella is sitting on Will's lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. He nuzzles her and they kiss constantly.

"Will you two get a room? You're worse than Elliot and Kate." TJ flicks a bottle cap at them and Stella giggles for the first time in two days. I am so happy that Will is back for her. The big surprise is that Liana has come back as well. She is so beautiful next to James that it is breathtaking to watch them together. Eventually we move inside the house for coffee.

"I guess, Kate, we owe you an explanation." James says this as a way of starting and I feel very awkward. I want to know, have wanted to know for days but this idea that I have a right to know anything doesn't sit well. For the first time in my life, privacy has become important. For the first time I am starting to appreciate the subtleties of privacy versus secrecy. Elliot is responsible of giving me these lessons in ethics and I wonder how I will reconcile this when I start my job on Monday.

"James, you don't owe me anything but if you will allow me to understand I would appreciate your candor." He smiles.

"The way I heard it Kate, we owe you a lot for the way you stepped in on Thursday night. Stella and TJ have done nothing but sing your praises since we arrived here today." I am sure now that I am blushing. Stella unwinds herself from Will and sits down next to me. She holds my hand with one of hers, the other is holding Will's hand. Elliot moves so that can see my face.

"Kate, I am sorry that I haven't been able to talk about this with you until now. As I said, there are parts of it I don't even remember and parts that I don't want to hear others speak about. I appreciate your patience more than I can tell you." Her eyes are clear and focused but there is a tremor in her voice.

"Stella if this is too hard …."

"No, I want to, I need to tell you. A few years ago Linc Lincoln was my dom." Fuck! "I was relatively new to the club and I was gullible. I thought that was the life I wanted and he said he would look after me, and he did. His marriage to Elena had broken down by then but they had both had other relationships throughout their marriage anyway. After a while I realized it was not me to be anyone's sub. I was unhappy with the lifestyle and I fell in love with Will. Will wouldn't date me, you understand. He knew that Linc would not be happy if I started to date so he kept his distance. But Linc knew I was slipping away from him. He seemed to know that I was interested in someone else and he made it his mission to find out. Around the same time Elliot and I came up with the concept of the aerial ring routine. Of course, we were both new to the art form so we spent hours a day in training for months on end. At first Linc didn't think much of it, I was just working and there was nothing to it. Then we started to perform it in the club and got a lot of attention. Eventually Linc came to the club one night to watch us and he got really angry. He knew I was in love with someone else but he automatically suspected it was Elliot." She pauses for a moment looking at me. "I want you to know that there never was anything between me and Elliot except our love of performance. That's all. I was in love with Will. I always have been."

Will gives her hand a squeeze and then kisses it. I know that she is telling the truth.

"So this one night Linc came to the club and he was drunk and angry. He started into his dominant routine but he got out of hand. That was when he threatened to kill me if I ever performed the routine again. I never told Elliot or Will what had happened. I was so ashamed of the way I was living that I couldn't tell them about Linc's behavior as my dom. I hoped that it was just the drink talking. Elliot and I performed again the following night and when I got back to the dressing room Linc was waiting for me. This time he wasn't drunk. I told him I was leaving him and that is the last thing I remember."

She pauses, tears flowing quietly down her face. Will pulls her into his body and holds her while she cries. James takes over.

"We don't know the finer details of what he did to her. I gather Stella has blacked out most of the memory of that night. I would love to think that he knocked her out completely before he did what he did but the reality is that she was probably conscious all the way through but has simply blocked out the events to protect herself." Oh my God. "When I found her Stella was almost unrecognizable."

Will and Stella stand up and walk outside. TJ gives me a tight smile. "She prefers not to hear this. We told her once and that was enough." James continues.

"She had been beaten with a wooden cane. There are scars of the welts he dealt to her all over her body. Her face was severely beaten and she had a broken nose and cheek bone. Part of her hair had been pulled out of her head and he had used a razor to leave a thin cut under chin traveling from one ear to the other. She had two broken ribs and a broken arm. She was severely bruised and from the kicks she had sustained to her body and she had some internal bleeding that resulted in having part of her spleen removed. There were cigarette burns on her back. He had raped her both vaginally and anally and left a dildo inside her. There was no DNA evidence but there were tears. She was naked and cuffed, spread eagle on her stomach across a table in the dressing room. It took her four months to recover physically and she has never really recovered emotionally." I feel ill.

"Did he ever get charged?"

"Like I say, he left no evidence on her. She couldn't or wouldn't remember anything and so the cops couldn't lay charges. It was our word against his and he was, still is, a very powerful man in Seattle. No one was going to believe a bunch of strippers."

Elliot is looking at me, carefully gaging my reaction. I am horrified, disgusted but this is all aimed at Linc not Stella and not the boys. Surely he must know this. Then he speaks.

"The only other time I have ever seen damage like that was the night that Christian and I took Elena into the emergency department." Oh shit. I forgot about that. Jesus, no wonder Elena is such a fucked up bitch. I still hate her for screwing with little boys but no woman deserves to be treated like that. "We tried to think of any way that we could stop him from doing this to another woman but there was no one in authority that was going to listen to us. So we took the law into our own hands."

"What?" My eyes fix on Elliot's. What the hell are you talking about?

"We waited for him outside the club one night. Made sure that he was delayed enough that he would be the last one out of the club. We worked him over good, gave him a taste of his own medicine. Including our own version of a gang rape using an assortment of dildos. There was no one around to hear him scream. Only thing is our consciences got the better of us and rather than leave him in the car park to be found we dropped him at the nearest hospital. Unfortunately for us the CCTV footage very clearly caught James and I on video. For his own reasons Linc never pressed charges but we know he has that footage and he could take us down at any time. So for the last few years we have been in this stand off. We know what he did to Elena, who won't press charges and Stella, who can't press charges. He knows we did that to him."

Holy shit. I'm appalled that they would go vigilante. Terrified at the scope of the evidence against them and proud that they wouldn't let the crimes go unpunished. I don't think I have felt so conflicted in my life.

"So you see, Linc is a dangerous prick with a real sadistic streak and if he ever works out that it was you at the club then he will make the connection and I don't think there is anything on earth that will stop him from coming after us, even if it is only to get back at me. I'm so sorry babe. I never meant to put you in this kind of danger." Elliot is kneeling before me, holding my hands with tears on his face. James has a hand clasped on his shoulder and TJ is looking at me carefully. I'm shocked, of course, but nothing changes in me.

"Babe, it's okay. We will find a way to deal with this. Somehow. But for you and me, this is nothing. I trust you, all of you, with my life. Thank you for being honest with me. This goes to the grave." And I mean it with all my heart, wondering where the hell the tenacious journalist is hiding that would have wanted to sink her teeth into a story like this. She isn't hiding. She is loving and loyal to her man, to his friends, to her family. Oh, my, how you have changed, Miss K.

Evening falls and Elliot and I have arrived at Bellevue early to help out a little before the guest of honor arrives. Today has been a day of revelations that have rocked my world and changed my perspective and tonight is Christian's birthday party, a celebration that Mia has been planning for the past week. My nerves are on edge for a whole other reason as I finger the piece of paper I have tucked into my bra strap. I anxiously await Ana and Christian's arrival hoping that this doesn't backfire and I lose my best friend forever.

I hear Carrick greeting them at the door, this is it, I take a deep breath and make my run. Putting on the best display of sound and fury I can muster given this is just one big hoax, I grab them both in the hallway and usher them into the dining room. Of course, Carrick is aware that this is coming. Without giving him the gory details, after all, who wants to know this about their own son, I ensure that he allows me this time with them. If this doesn't work then I will slink out of there and pretend I don't exist. It won't just be Christian who hates me, it will be Ana and Elliot. I think I am going to throw up. Please, God let this work!

"You, two! I want to talk to you." I give Christian a don't-fuck-with-me look and hope that he won't throw a hissy fit and storm out. He looks … bemused …_that's a good sign, isn't it? _I take the paper out of my bra strap and wave it at them. "What the fuck is this?"


	17. Chapter 17: The Sun

_**A/N: This is the chapter you all knew was coming. I apologize for upsetting anyone with the outcome here.  
**_

* * *

_**Here it comes**_  
_**The unavoidable sun weighs my head,**_  
_**And what the hell have I done,**_  
_**And you know,**_  
_**I don't remember a thing**_  
_**I don't remember**_  
_**A thing**_

_**So I'm done,**_  
_**Am I placating the notes?**_  
_**Should I fault**_  
_**Cut off my tongue**_  
_**So you say**_  
_**Apparently I'm digging it in**_  
_**I can't feel**_  
_**A thing**_

_**Naked and Famous - The Sun**_

* * *

Standing outside the dining room I listen as Kate reads Ana and Christian the riot act. If I had known what she was going to do I probably would have taken her home and tied her up but as I listen I am secretly proud of my little firecracker. I think she might even make this work. Christian will never talk to me and that suits me just fine. But Ana talking with Kate, I know that is important. _Please, bro, see this for what it is._

"What is it?" I crack the door open a little so I can see them. Ana looks pale, Christian tense and my poor Katie looks green. _Hold it together babe, I will get you to the bathroom as soon as this is over._

"Kate! This has nothing to do with you." Who knew Ana was a spitfire too. God knows she will need it to fend off all the unwelcome female interest in Christian's crazy life.

"Ana, what is it?" Christian is pissed. I almost push the door open and charge in then Ana warns him off.

"Christian, would you just go, please?" _Fuck! _I almost back myself down the hallway when I see Elena heading this way. Best to head her off.

"Elena, I think Mom was looking for you in the kitchen." She looks at me suspiciously then turns towards the back of the house. I go back to my post. Seems like Christian is not leaving. I can see him studying the email. My future-wife is a minx, I will have to remember that.

Kate's nausea and the fact that she is terrified of what Christian is going to do next gives her just the right mix of apprehension and anger. _Good girl, Katie, hold your ground._

"Where did you get this?" _Oh shit._

"That's irrelevant." _Shit, shit, shit. _"It was in the pocket of a jacket - which I assume is yours - that I found on the back of Ana's bedroom door." Well, no it was in her closet that you were rifling through but let's not get hung up on the technicalities. _Oh fuck. _I can see that another wave of nausea is hitting. She's not going to make it.

"Have you told anyone?" Christian's voice is calm, too calm.

"No! Of course not." Christian pauses for a moment then walks to the fireplace and sets the damn thing alight. _Yeah, bro, can't believe you printed that crap out in the first place, you dumb fuck._

"Not even Elliot?"

"No one, I just want to know you're okay." She is such a good liar. Except I can see the tell, that flicker in her eyes. Her voice is a whisper, which makes her sound sincere. Reality is she is just one second away from hurling her cookies on Ana's Manolos.

"I'm fine, Kate. More than fine. Please, Christian and I are good, really good - this is old news. Please ignore it?" _No, Ana, don't shut the door on her._

"Ignore it? How can I ignore that? What's he done to you?" Her voice is the perfect mix of love and concern.

"He hasn't done anything to me, Kate. Honestly - I'm good."

"Really?" Christian steps in and wraps his arm around Ana, looking directly at Kate.

"Ana has consented to be my wife, Katherine." _Holy fuck! Way to go little bro._

"Wife!" Kate will be happy I know but I can see that she thought she would be first. _Well, Katie you would have been if you hadn't been so bull headed. Damn stubborn female. _I smile.

"We're getting married. We're going to announce our engagement this evening." Oh, man, Mom is going to have a conniption. This is all of her dreams come true.

"Oh! I leave you alone for sixteen days, and this happens? It's very sudden. So yesterday, when I said - where does that e-mail fit into all this?"

"It doesn't, Kate. Forget it - please. I love him and he loves me. Don't do this. Don't ruin his party and our night." Tears are forming in Kate's eyes. Is it because she is happy for them, disappointed for us or because she still needs to get to a powder room, stat!?

"No, of course I won't. You're okay?"

"I've never been happier." I listen to the rest of their conversation. Especially where Ana says that one day she will explain and Christian doesn't baulk at the thought. This is great. This is better than great. Of course, I am still going to take Kate over my knee for not telling me what she was going to do. Just then Mom knocks on the door and interrupts them. Kate is barely holding it together as she apologizes to Christian. As soon as Ana, Christian and Mom move through to the living room I sweep in.

"Babe." I would tell her off, question her but she is about to fall down. I pick her up quickly in my arms and carry her through to the downstairs bathroom. We only just make it before she is tossing her cookies. I rub her back, hold her hair and pray that it will stop soon. She sits back against the bathroom wall and looks at me for a moment before closing her eyes.

"It's okay, baby. We can go if you need to. Just keep your cheek against the tiles, they'll cool you down." I get a cold cloth and wash her face, cleaning off the messed up lipstick. Her natural glow is slowly returning. Luckily she has got in the habit of carrying mints and lipstick on her. I help her to stand up wishing to God I could just make this go away. She stands with her hands propping her up on the bathroom vanity, staring into her reflection before shifting her gaze to me.

"I hate you, you know." Her weak smile giving away nothing.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry for knocking you up. If I had known what it would do to you I would have kept my dick in my trousers." We both laugh. Taking her lipstick out she touches up an already exquisitely beautiful face and tries to get her hair back into some order. She gives a little grimace and clutches her stomach before straightening up.

"Are you okay?" Her smile is tight and her face pale.

"Yeah, just not coping well. I take it you heard all of that?" Turning to face me she looks apologetic.

"Yeah, I think you might have actually pulled it off. You are amazing Miss K."

"You're not mad at me?" Her little pout is so damn cute.

"No, baby, I'm not mad and I think that you and Christian might just be fine."

"I don't know, I don't think Christian and I will ever be fine."

"Yeah, well, Christian needs to get over himself. Right now you have at least brought it out in the open between the three of you. I think Ana will open up to you sooner than you think."

"I had to do it. For Gail and Jason."

"I know babe. That's why I love you so much. Thank you."

"You knew?" Her sparkling eyes focus on me.

"Jason told me how he was feeling last night while we were all standing around feeling useless. It was up there on his list of big regrets if Christian never came back. I guess I should have known how he was feeling. That's why he has always been the right man for the job."

"So you're really not angry at me for doing this?"

"Well, I might have questioned your timing a little, but no I am really not angry. You did the right thing."

" I love you, Elliot Grey." My fingers go to her necklace.

"Yeah, well they've stolen our thunder. I wanted to get in first with the whole marriage announcement." Her hand covers mine and draws it down to her stomach.

"Give them this babe. We've got time. We'll be stealing their thunder by having the first grandchild. I think that is enough."

"When did you get so generous of spirit, Miss K?" I pull her against my body, her back against mine and gaze at her in the mirror. She is beautiful, she is perfect and she is mine.

"Oh, I met this guy who kind of shifted my perspective on life. Made me grow up and stop being so selfish." She turns in my arms and hers slip around my neck, her lips taste of mint with just a hint of… I slip my tongue in anyway. Even post-nausea she is irresistible.

We manage to slip back into the party without anyone noticing we were gone. Just in time for Christian to make his big announcement and wasn't that just a king size hoot. I watch as several female faces including Elena's turn from shock to thunder. Yeah, take that bitches. Elena storms out of the room and I couldn't be more glad to see the back of her.

Meanwhile I watch as the people who matter congratulate my little brother and his gorgeous fiancee and I really couldn't be happier. This is even more than I hoped for and certainly more than the little dick deserves. Smiling I go up and offer my congratulations too.

"Way to go, bro!" I slap him on the back, possibly a little harder than I meant to. He gives me one of the those looks that can chill hot steaks in bbq weather and I step back away. Then he smiles a Grey megawatt smile and I know that we are okay.

I see Kate slip out the door to the garden and grabbing a bottle of water, I go after her, finally finding her hurling into the azaleas. Once more I hold her, her hair and my breath waiting for it to be over. Most of what she can bring up is liquid so I hand her the bottle and hope like hell that she can keep it down long enough to rehydrate.

A garden seat in a secluded spot beckons and we sit down, her on my knee as I hold her close. The air is cool I feel her returning to normal if only for a moment.

"Baby, you're exhausted which given the week we have had is only natural. All of this action can't be good for you or the baby. Tomorrow you are staying in bed. No argument."

Her limp hand comes up for a salute. "Yes, doctor. As long as you stay with me and take my temperature. Of course, that means that when you pull it out that thing had better have numbers on it." I laugh at her ability to make light of the situation when I know she is feeling like crap.

A body moves out of the shadows and Elena plants herself in front of us.

"Well, well, well. More Grey lovebirds. How touching. And it would seem that you two have been living dangerously." She smirks at us and I feel the rage flow through Kate. She stands up toe to toe with the peroxide witch.

"Don't assume you know everything about this family, Elena. Your reign as queen of the Grey men is coming to an end and it would be a shame if you couldn't bow out gracefully." The venom is fairly dripping off her tongue. I do love a good cat fight but this isn't a good time.

"Oh, sweet thing. Don't ever believe that I won't continue to have influence over this family. My reach is more extensive than you can ever imagine." Her smile is a bitter grimace that contorts her face. How did I ever think that she was beautiful?

"I am more interested in what I see before me. An aging woman who is losing her charms and her grip on reality. Christian has moved on Elena. Elliot left your influence a long time ago. Give up."

"Oh, Kate, you are darling. Ana doesn't have what it takes to hold Christian. As for Elliot, well it is sweet that you are prepared to settle for second prize."

The slap was so fast that no one could have seen it coming. Elena moved with it and clasped her hand to her face for a moment, glaring at Kate and then she came up swinging. Placing my body between them was the only way to protect Kate and Elena connected with my chest with a blow that barely glanced off my muscle. It certainly seemed to hurt her hand though. So much for the great domme. When she tried again I gripped her fist in my hand.

"That's enough, Elena. Leave us the fuck alone." Rubbing her face and her fist she backs away and then turns to walk into the house. When she gets to the door she turns and looks directly at me.

"You have no idea who you are messing with, little man." Kate blanches next to me and I have to grasp her hand to hold her back. "If you think I will be pushed aside by either of these little sluts you and Christian are currently fucking then you have completely underestimated me." We watch her go and then I turn to face Kate. She is fairly shaking with rage.

"Jesus, I hate that woman. If there is any chance that your mother wants her at our wedding then we are definitely going to Vegas." I laugh and pull her into my arms. She comes willingly and molds herself to me. Elena can't touch us. I don't know what influence she still thinks she has over Christian but I suspect that is diminishing by the minute.

"Listen baby, I am going to check in with the folks and see if I can make our excuses. You need to get home to rest."

"No. This is Christian's night and Ana's. We owe it to them to hang for a little while and celebrate with them. I will be okay. We need to stay for as long as we can. I just need to pace myself."

"Sweetheart you are so brave. If you need to disappear for a while I want to show you my room."

"Why Mr Grey. Are you propositioning me?"

"Absolutely, Miss Kavanagh. Come on." She places her hand in mine and we head up the back stairs to the second floor. We go into my room which Mom has left pretty much as it was when I moved out. Kate stands and looks around taking in the posters of musicians - Kurt Cobain, Pearl Jam, Quincy Jones, Ray Charles, Jimi Hendrix, Soundgarden.

"Mmm… eclectic tastes Mr Grey."

"Not so much, Kate. I am pretty loyal to the Seattle music scene. I love that all of these people have come from or spent their formative years here. I love the genealogy and history of music." She walks into my arms.

"You're amazing, babe. Just when I think there is nothing more I could learn about you, you show another hidden depth. I am so lucky to have found you. Thank you for loving me." Her lips press softly to mine. I brush the hair from her face and look at my beautiful girl. This truly amazing and loving woman. And while I could quite happily spend hours a day seduce her body, I am just as turned on by seducing her mind.

"Ditto, babe." I whisper against her forehead. Just then we hear yelling that has us moving quickly out of the room to the landing half way down the main staircase. From where we are standing we see Christian standing in the doorway to the dining room.

"What the fuck are you doing Elena?" The door swings closed and we can't hear what happens next except for the sound of muffled words punctuated by Christian's continued anger.

"How the fuck do you know what's right for me?" Then, "I've told you before - this is none of your fucking business."

"Jesus, Kate everyone is going to hear." I start to move down but she pulls me back hard.

"Honey, you can't go in there." The voices are muffled again and I hope like hell that no one has heard. Then the worst thing that could happen does, Mom moves down the hall to stand outside the door. She pauses, her body tense. _Oh fuck, Mom, don't listen._ I try to move but Kate claps her hand over my mouth and holds me in place. We watch as she throws open the door and steps into the room.

"Get out of my house." At this point we both sit on the stairs, unable to move up or down without being seen. We hear the definitive sound of a slap - strike two. "Take your filthy paws off my son, you whore, and get out of my house - now!" A moment later the door opens and Elena steps through clutching her cheek, her hair dripping with liquid. Wow, Ana must have got in a swing as well. She glances up at us with a glacial stare and Kate smiles sweetly, flipping her the bird. We then scamper back up the stairs just as Ana steps out of the room. Not wanting to be caught we race down the hallway to the back stairs and escape through the back of the kitchen.

We are both breathless with laughter. "Oh, God. Mom is going to kill Christian. Imagine what she would do if she knew about me. Fuck that was awesome."

Kate grins at me in the dark. "Well, you have to hope that that is the end of the ugly troll. I guess we can get married in Seattle after all."

"You mean that?"

"Hey, don't get ahead of yourself, Grey. You still have to ask. Come on, I'm hungry."

Grabbing my hand she leads me back into the kitchen through the French doors at the back of the house. We load up plates and find a place to sit and eat chatting with Dad and John Flynn. Kate is intensely interested in what John has to say in that special way that she has and I am amazed that the woman who was unable to hold down a glass of water earlier tonight is suddenly shoveling food into her mouth while keeping up an endless stream of chatter.

Mia wanders over with one of Dad's lethal lemon cocktails in her hand. They are truly revolting but she seems to love them and she is making a beeline for Kate.

"Hey, I've been looking for you two. Kate have tried one of these. They're a Grey family specialty." Kate's eyes widen and I reach up and grab the glass out of Mia's hand sculling the sickly sweet drink back in one hit. _Oh, fuck, that is foul._ "Hey, that was for Kate."

"Thanks baby girl. I needed that." She gives me a Mia death glare and I smile.

"You hate those." I shrug and place the glass down on the table beside me. Kate gives me a grateful smile. _Yes, well, any more of those and you are driving us home Miss K._ Mia is hovering looking uncertain.

"Come sit down with us Mia? We haven't really spoken all evening." Kate shuffles over and makes a space for her. Mia immediately launches into an intense investigation of all things Ethan and I groan. Poor bastard. Mia is in predator mode. Man-hunt on. Kate is good naturedly trying to give her advice while not dumping Ethan in it. I reach over and take her empty plate and she smiles up at me gratefully. Walking into the kitchen I dump the plates only to find my mom standing at the kitchen window staring out into the dark throwing back a glass of wine.

"Hey Mom. Are you okay?" She quickly wipes tears from her eyes and I pretend not to notice. She turns with a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Sure, babe. Just a little emotional about my boys. You and Kate seem to be getting on very well. She is a lovely girl." As she speaks she pours herself another bucket of wine. I don't know if she realizes that she has managed to fit half a bottle into that glass but I figure there are times when it is just easier to say nothing.

"Yeah, we are and she is. Kate is a really special lady." I smile down at Mom, hoping that if she sees that I am happy she might forget about that glass.

"I really like her, Elliot. You make sure you treat her right. None of your usual shenanigans." Taking a massive mouthful she looks past me to wear Mia and Kate are still chatting animatedly. Kindred spirits by the look of it.

"Not you too Mom." Her eyes raise and focus, as much as she can, on mine.

"Elliot, Julie Kavanagh is a good friend. A real friend. If you screw with that girl you are doing more damage than you could possibly know."

"Mom, I love Kate. And I love Julie." She looks up with shock in her eyes. _Fuck, not like that._ "She is everything that I could hope for in a mother-in-law."

Mom registers my words and I see the glimmer of hope. "You mean that? You're that serious about her?"

"Yes, I am that serious about her. But right now this is Christian and Ana's moment. We decided we can wait. Ana is too important to treat this like some kind of competition and Kate already loves her like a sister. She would never do that to her."

"Oh, Elliot. Just knowing that you are heading in that direction is enough. I love you and your brother and sister so much. I just want to see you happy." _Oh, here we go._ The tears are back again. It's probably as much about the alcohol as the emotion of this evening.

"And Christian is happy Mom. Really, really happy. Ana is the best thing that has ever happened to him."

"She is truly a special girl. And if she has already chosen Kate as her best friend then I know that I am getting the best possible additions to this family that I could ever hope for." I give her a squeeze around the shoulders and we go over and join the others. Within the hour, BFF's Kate and Mia have dragged Mom into the lounge for some karaoke. The rest of the evening is starting to wind down and Christian and Ana look ready to escape. Thank goodness.

I sneak into the lounge in mid 'Dancing Queen' and put my arms around Kate from behind, leaning down to whisper into her ear.

"Hey, beautiful. Time to get you home before you turn into a pumpkin."

"Oh, please." My poor baby is shattered.

"Tell you what, Mom is three sheets to the wind, she won't notice if we sneak away. Why don't you sneak out to the garden and get some fresh air while I help clean up a bit in the kitchen and then we can escape." She nods and we go back out to the kitchen. Kate looks at the mess that Gretchen is trying to wrestle with Dad's help. I can see she feels guilty. "Go, I won't be long."

We make short work of loading the dishwasher and getting leftovers covered and in the fridge. Dad sings along quietly to the strains of karaoke coming from the living room and I know that he has probably had one to many of his special cocktails although he is holding up better than either Mia or Mom. I dry my hands and say goodbye to Dad.

"Give Mom a kiss for me. I will call after lunch tomorrow to see how the hangovers are." He laughs and claps me on the shoulder. I grab my keys and walk out the French doors to find Kate. I am almost down as far as the water when I hear a plaintiff cry.

"Elliot! Elliot! Please, help me." Fuck, Kate.

"Kate, where are you?"

"I'm here, please hurry." She sounds like she is in pain and I run blindly into the trees trying to find her almost tripping over her body lying in the cool grass.

"Baby, fuck, what happened? Are you hurt?" I try to roll her over but she is in pain and she screams as I touch her body. _Shit._

"Jack Hyde was here. He was hiding in the trees." She groans again. "We argued and he pushed me."

"Fuck." I need to find the fucker and I go to stand but she grabs me.

"Don't. He's long gone. He just pushed me off when I tried to hold on to him and I stumbled and fell. Please … the baby … it hurts so much."

"Oh God, oh Kate. Put your arm around me. Hold on baby." I pick her up and she screams again in pain. I run as fast I can to the car and place her in the seat. Belting her in I have the car racing down the highway as quickly as I can. Please, dear God, please let her be okay. She is writhing and moaning in pain and I pray to every deity that I have ever taken in vain and the many I haven't that her pain is not as serious as it seems. Then she screams.

"Elliot!" I slam on the brakes and look at her. She's looking down at her thighs with tears streaming down her face, gasping. We both stare in horror at the dark stain that is spreading across the bottom of her dress.


	18. Chapter 18: Song for the Unknown Child

_**There's a hole in my heart but the rain just won't fall**_

_**There's a voice that should speak but it doesn't that's all**_

_**When it comes to the point I have something to say**_

_**But I don't anyway**_

_**There's a thought in my head with no time to be used**_

_**And I feel there's a chance but it's dazed and confused**_

_**And I hope and I pray I'll do something for you**_

_**But I never do**_

_**Toolayloolay oh little tiny child loolayloolayloolah**_

_**And I know that I could and I know that I should**_

_**But right now I guess I'm feeling far too good**_

_**There's a way that I feel every time I see out**_

_**And the voice in my heart simply just wants to shout**_

_**I will hold out my hand I will search for a way**_

_**But maybe not today**_

_**There's a child that lays warm and so safe at my side**_

_**See how the future is theirs to decide**_

_**Do I change how I feel, do I run from what's real**_

_**I'm not so sure any more**_

_**Bye bye my angel tiny child, bye bye loolayloolah**_

_**Song for the Unknown Child - Margaret Urlich**_

* * *

Arriving at the hospital Elliot is all bluster and noise as he shouts at the staff to do something. To save our child. He rants and raves when they don't seem attentive enough, dropping his mother's name to anyone who is stupid enough not to listen to the ramblings of a madman.

My tears are like silent assassins, sneaking across my face without warning, building walls around my heart, creating a seclusion into which I can withdraw and hide. There is nothing anyone can say that will change what I know in my heart is happening. My mind chooses denial and nothingness because it is easier here. Elliot's fear is loud but it doesn't touch me in this quiet space.

When he finally sees there is nothing that can be done he withdraws into his own silent pain. He can't talk, he won't look at me. I see on his face the redundant and useless guilt for not protecting us. As if there were anything he could have done differently. Perhaps he should have locked me up as Christian would have done,keeping me out of the world this week. I thought I knew better, that I was healthy enough for nothing to matter. He took me at my word that everything would be fine. Now our baby is gone and the universe is very much out to destroy our bliss. Everything is my fault and my arrogance has landed us here. I should have done better by him, by our child.

Sunlight streams through the windows onto the pristine white of the hospital sheets. I lie on my side not looking at him. My guilt won't permit me to look at him, not since around 4am when the doctor finally confirmed that our baby was gone. My system has been flushed, my body is empty and so it seems is my heart. While we clung to hope the tears were constant, now there is nothing. Just this strange blankness in his eyes. Every attempt to touch me ends in me pulling away and he looks lost. I just don't know how to be here for him. I am hardly available for myself.

ooOoo

Last night I wandered into that garden blind to any danger around me. The worst of the evening was over with the confrontations between Ana and I, Christian and Elena, Grace and Elena, me and Elena. Now I walked down to the boat ramp in the darkness hoping to simply enjoy the gentle sounds of water hitting wood. As I approached the pathway I saw a glow coming from the trees as if someone was standing in the trees and smoking. I wondered if it was one of Christian's security team, walking the perimeter. Thinking nothing of it I stood in the shadows looking out.

His breath touched my skin before his hands reached my mouth. Dragging me backwards into the trees, he took me completely off balance and I stumbled against his soft body. As soon as I caught his foul stench I knew it was Jack Hyde. My fear was over-powered by revulsion and I felt my stomach cramp painfully. Then I registered cold metal pressed into my lower back.

"I am going to take my hand away from your mouth and you are not going to make a sound. Do you understand?" I hesitate. "DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?" The gun is pressed painfully against my kidneys and he wrenches my head back with his vice-like grip around my mouth. I want to bite his skin but the threat of a bullet in the spine stops me. I whimper into his hand and nod. Show him fear, make him think he has the upper hand.

He releases me completely and I stumble forward, flailing my arms, trying to catch my balance. He knows it is an act and his hand snakes out to catch my arm pulling me back to face him.

"Don't try it bitch. You won't get more than five feet."

"Who are you? Wh-what do you want?" My eyes widen. I try to force tears. He looks at me carefully, confused, concerned. Then his hand reaches out and grabs around my chin. He turns my head roughly from side to side as if examining me.

"You're the fucking bitch from the club." How did he know? How could he possibly know? "You were wearing this." His stubby fingers slip under the necklace and he almost chokes me out. He backhands me across the face and I stumble once more.

"I don't know what you are talking about. This necklace is a family heirloom." Hold the lie.

"You're a fucking lying bitch. Kit St James my ass. Linc is going to have a fucking field day with this." My body starts shaking for real. If he tells Linc then Elliot will go to jail and I am as good as dead.

"Please, please don't. What do you want? Please, I'll do anything."

"Stupid bitch. What could you possibly do for me? The Grey family have everything, Christian fucking Grey has everything that I should have had. You can't give me anything."

"Please, there must be something."

"Yeah, on your knees bitch." _Oh God, oh no. Please no._ His hands go to his zip and I feel the bile in my throat. As if on cue, the nausea hits and I empty the enormous meal I have just eaten all over his shoes. "Fucking, whore, bitch. You stupid little cunt." He slaps me hard across the face and I fall to the ground. My stomach is cramping painfully and I clutch myself. Then he punctuates his vitriol with painful kicks to my body.

"Tell that big _fucking…idiot…boyfriend…_ of _yours…_ that he is a _dead…man_. I don't know what Linc has on him but this should be the _fucking…icing…_ on his _cake_. And _you_, you little _slut_. You're gonna _get_ what's coming to you."

Just then I hear Elliot coming down the garden. I call out to him and Jack runs. But I already know it is too late. I can't stop the tidal wave of pain that sweeps through my body.

ooOoo

Nurses come and go checking me over. Elliot wants to call my mother but I won't let him. She didn't know about the baby, she doesn't need to know what has happened. The risks I have taken. That I have lost him. I won't even let him call his Mom. I feel myself withdrawing completely and I can't let him near. Only the doctors and nurses get to touch me. The bruises on my back should hurt more but I am so numb that I feel nothing. They tell me there is no damage to my other internal organs or my spine. I don't care.

Finally around 2 in the afternoon they allow me to go home. I am told that I need complete bed rest for the next few hours and to come back for further checks but I should be fine in a day or two. But I won't ever be fine. We won't ever be fine, again.

We arrive back at the treehouse and half a dozen concerned faces greet me. Elliot supports me as I walk into the house, and take me straight to our room. I want to tell him I can manage but it would be far from convincing. All attempts to speak about the baby, to share the pain, are shut down. His need to hold me close battles with my need to keep some distance. He can't get near. I allow Karen and Stella in to see me. Karen feeds me and Stella helps me to bathe. Elliot and I are relegated to spectators in our own life.

By 8pm I have made the decision to go back to my apartment. I come downstairs with my bag packed and ask to drive me home to my apartment. Elliot pleads, begs, cries,threatens. His efforts are glancing blows. Nothing stops me. I simply stand and watch as he throws himself around pathetically. My body is still, my voice quiet and controlled, but my eyes are haunted. I give the excuse about starting work in the morning and needing my work clothes. TJ escorts me away from his life and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

ooOoo

Twenty four hours changes everything. I can't face Elliot's pain, it is too great, too deep. If I am honest I knew something was wrong days ago but I kept ignoring my body and pushing through. I should have told him, I should have shared but the attending doctor quietly reassured me while Elliot was dozing in a chair by my bed that there was nothing that would have stopped me from losing my baby. He was attached outside the tube. Losing him was inevitable and all Jack did was finish the dislodgement process. This is supposed to make me feel better but it makes me feel worse, like a defective bucket. Unable to hold anything, completely useless for its intended purpose.

Elliot was so angry at everyone and even if he doesn't know it yet, he blames me. He doesn't hate me for this now but he will soon. It seems suddenly clear that the baby has become the glue in our relationship and now it is gone and we are destined to rip apart.

This other fear also grows inside me. Now that Jack has worked out who I am I have become a target on Elliot's back. Since we have been away and then in hiding, there has been nothing except the charity event we attended prior to the Barbados trip that could indicate that we have a relationship. If I stay with him then the association between he and I will become public knowledge and it will lead Linc straight to him. I have to make it look like our time together has held no significance. That my only association with the Grey's is through Ana. I don't know how much Jack saw at Christian's birthday but I am already responsible for drawing Jack's attention to myself. I can't be responsible for bringing attention to Elliot. I have to keep Elliot out of my life.

I walk into my apartment to find Ethan there. He looks at me bewildered by my behavior. When he asks what has happened I simply say that Elliot and I have broken up. That I need some space and I don't want to talk. He lets me go.

Elliot has called my phone five times and sent ten text messages, each one more desperate than the last. I am a coward. I couldn't break up with him to his face. Instead I slink away in the night. I won't think about this again tonight. I climb into bed and cry myself to sleep. I am so afraid.

ooOoo

The world is waiting for me and I have to go to work, to start my new job. I welcome the distraction. As a team of ten interns who are starting together we are taken through induction for the first three days then attached to a news team to observe and support for the remainder of our first month. The work is varied but menial. A lot of note taking, web research, fact checking and coffee collection.

I like the team I am working with. A sassy journalist called Lisa and a strapping photographer called Matt. Ironically they work the society circuit and it doesn't take long to work out that I have been deliberately deployed for my media and social networks. It only takes three days before they start in with trying to gain all access to the Greys.

"So your flatmate is marrying Christian Grey, huh? Any chance we can get an exclusive?" I have always been called tenacious but Lisa gives this a whole new meaning.

"Um, I don't think so. Ana is a very private person and Christian has strict protocols around his PR team. I wouldn't want to take advantage of either of them like that."

"Oh come on, you must have some influence."

"No, I really don't. If they offer it I will let you know but I really don't like our chances."

Lisa shrugs and goes back to shoveling her salad into her mouth. Her glasses are perched on the end of her nose as she goes through making notes on the interview transcript I have just done for her from a local actress. Her sly glances my way tell me that she hasn't finished with this.

Discussions like this are about as animated as I can get right now and I can see by the looks of my workmates that they are wondering how I could possibly be related to Sam Kavanagh. I am wondering that myself. Instead of being social and engaging, I throw myself into endless streams of detail and minutae, hoping to hold at bay the hours when I have to be alone in my apartment to think.

Meanwhile the messages and texts from Elliot mount up. I know that he has been around a dozen times. Sometimes Ethan blocks him for me. Other times, when I am alone, I just know and I wait him out, silently willing him to leave. After three days I begin to work later and later, hoping that I won't run into him.

In those first few days, Ethan spends a lot of time out with friends. He tries to get me to go with him but once I get home in the evening, I can't move from the couch. I don't even sleep in my own bed most of the time. If I do start the evening in my bedroom I will wonder out in the middle of the night and not leave the lounge until my shower in the morning. Ethan notices my odd behavior but it takes until Thursday for him to say something.

"Do you want to talk about this Kate?"

"No, I really don't."

"I don't understand. I thought you and Elliot were okay."

"Things change." My mind is screaming out to him. _I know you want more, I don't have more to give. Please don't ask me._

"What about the baby, Kate. Elliot wanted to marry you." His voice has become a low whisper. I don't know how he knew about the baby. I don't want to think about it.

"Just leave it, Ethan, please." Retreating to my room seems to be the smartest form of defense.

Two hours later there is a soft knock on my door. I don't acknowledge it but that doesn't stop my mother from walking in. The concern etched across her face does nothing to mar her beauty. I wonder if I will ever feel beautiful again.

"Hi honey. We haven't seen you since we got back." My father has tried to talk to me at work but I told him I wanted to maintain distance so that I could be taken seriously on my own merits. A partial truth floating in a world of misdirection and lies. There is no excuse for ignoring my mother.

"I'm sorry Mom I've just been busy at work." More misdirection. She smiles the sad smile of a mother who is hurting. _Well, fuck it Mom, I was a mother too. I fucking hurt too._

"Baby, you have to talk about this." My eyes shoot to her face. _What? Does everyone know now?_ "Elliot came to see us. He is desperate to talk with you Kate. He is grieving too and he needs you and you need him."

"He had no right. He had no damn right to tell you." Her arms around me in a second, gently rocking me as the sobs come. Next thing I know my bedroom is full of people. Dad has moved to the other side of my body holding me and Mom. Ethan is there in front of me holding my hand and my mothers and there are tears, so many tears but no promises. I promise to see Elliot. I promise to go home this weekend. I promise to talk. I promise myself that I will find a way to make it up to them when I break all of my promises.

Five days have gone by. Five long and lonely nights without his body next to mine. Five empty cavernous collections of hours that stretch for miles without my heart. I miss him. I miss the presence of our angel. I miss the promise of our future. I miss my heart.

I throw myself into my work on Friday, volunteering once again, in spite of the pleas of my family, to work long hours. There is nothing worse than going home. Ana calls and we talk about her life, her plans. I feign interest as I resist her attempts at arranging lunch any time soon. I want to be happy for her and I am but the space where my heart once was makes this impossible. I promise to talk with my mother about the wedding dress. Of course she will help. Of course I will be the maid of honor. Of course I will die inside each time I think of what I have lost and how I can't tell her.

She asks about Elliot and I pretend, because I have become so skilled at deceptions, that he and I are fine. I am busy, he is busy but we are fine. I want to be. I want him back so much. But Linc has a gun trained on his head and I am the trigger. All Jack has to do is squeeze and we are all dead. Perhaps that would be best. I am so numb that it would be good to feel the pain.

It is nine o'clock and the office is pretty much empty, Lisa and Matt having left hours ago. I told them I would meet them at the bar for drinks but I am still here, staring at the computer screen. Scrolling through hundreds of public records I am searching for the records of the Grey's births and adoptions. My efforts are kind of fruitless. I find the adoption records for Elliot, since his was an open adoption. There is nothing of any value in Christian's records since his adoption was closed. My attention has turned to Mia when my phone rings. It isn't Elliot so I answer it.

"Kate Kavanagh."

"Kate, it's Elena Lincoln." Fuck.

"What do you want Elena?" My voice sounds tired even to me.

"Kate, I…" Her voices falters, unusual for Elena. This immediately puts me on edge. "I wanted to check on you. I was still in my car the other night when I saw Elliot running to the car with you in his arms."

This fake concern pisses me off. "What the fuck do you want Elena?"

"I…are you okay?"

"Don't pretend that you give a damn about anyone but yourself, Elena. Don't pretend to understand what another human being is going through."

"Kate, stop. Please." I hear the choked sob in her voice.

"What? Stop what?"

"Just stop. I was worried. Did you…are you alright? Is the baby alright?" I had forgotten that she had overheard our conversation last Saturday night. Another person who had no right to know my business.

"I'm just peachy, thank for asking Elena. And you don't need to worry your little head about my baby." Using the heel of my hand I wipe the lone tear out of my eye. "Now if you will excuse me."

"Kate! Wait! I know what it is like to lose a baby. I know what you are feeling. Please, I want to help."

_Fuck no. You are the last person I want helping me._

"Elena, this is none of your goddamn business. My baby is gone. That is all there is to it. Now stay the fuck out of my life."

"But that is never all, Kate. It will never be all. When you love a baby and lose it, there is always a hole in your heart that can never be filled. When does the pain get you most? Late at night? Is that why you are still at work?" _Jesus, is she stalking me? "_In the wee small hours when you imagine yourself holding them in your arms as you sing them to sleep? When does it get you the most Kate? In the morning, when your belly is empty with nothing to show for it? When you want the father of your child and you just can't have him? But then you can, can't you Kate? You still have Elliot. Some of us lose everything when our children are lost to us. Or is he gone now too?"

"You vindictive bitch. Elliot and I are going to be fine. We are going to get through this and nothing you, or your ex-husband can do to hurt us."

"What do you mean my ex-husband?" I hear real fear in her voice.

"Don't pretend you don't know that he is threatening us? Don't you pretend to be innocent in all of this you evil cow."

"Kate, I swear. I want nothing to do with Linc. I haven't even spoken to him in years. If he is threatening you then it has nothing to do with me."

"Oh, I am pretty sure it has everything to do with you, Elena. And when I work it out you can be sure that I will take you down with him."

"You don't know what you are getting into Kate. Don't try to take that son-of-a-bitch on. You won't win. Nobody ever wins against Linc."

This stops me for a moment. There is something about her voice, something genuine, that has me on guard. She is terrified of him, I can hear it.

"Well, Elena, if you don't want to get taken down with him then I suggest that you stay clear of all of the Greys from now on. You are not wanted in their lives. And if we can get the evidence needed to take Linc down then we will.

"Kate…I…" Her voice becomes a whisper. "Be careful."

The phone clicks off and I listen for a moment to the dead air. Could it be that Elena has nothing to do with Linc's plans? Why is she so intent on being a part of the Grey's lives? And what was all the tea and sympathy over my miscarriage?

I collapse down on my chair, my head in my hands. I can't go on like this. Nothing is right, being without Elliot is meant to keep him safe but he will never be safe until Linc is taken down. I was a fool to think that anything I did would change that. I am a fool to sit here alone late at night pretending that work is going to take the pain away. The only way to move on is with Elliot. I have to find him, talk to him, tell him I am sorry for shutting him out.

For a while I sit at my desk trying to dial his number. He isn't answering. Then I notice the search I did before Elena interrupted me. On the screen is a Seattle birth certificate for Mia Grey. My mind only barely registers what it is seeing as I slump back in my chair. _Holy shit! _I quickly save the record to a usb and pack up my things. Elliot still isn't answering. _Where are you?_


	19. Chapter 19: Tears In Heaven

_**Would you know my name**__  
__**If I saw you in heaven?**__  
__**Would you feel the same**__  
__**If I saw you in heaven?**__  
__**I must be strong and carry on**__  
__**'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven**_

_**Would you hold my hand**__  
__**If I saw you in heaven?**__  
__**Would you help me stand**__  
__**If I saw you in heaven?**__  
__**I'll find my way through night and day**__  
__**'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven**_

_**Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees**__  
__**Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please**_

**_Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton_**

* * *

The day after Kate moves out of the treehouse, in spite of desperately wanting to find her, I have to go back to work. James meets me at the first site and we go through the progress being made with the site foreman and the project manager. Our meetings take all morning as we both get back up to speed with the business. Christian has requested a meeting this afternoon to discuss renovations on his latest purchase, a mansion for he and Ana. I leave James to it and head over to Grey House.

Christian meets me in the foyer and we go to a cafe to talk. He is happy and enthusiastic about this project and I am trying hard not to punch his fucking lights out. All of his shit seems to have cleared and mine is just beginning. I want to yell at him for being so fucking blissfully happy. _I just lost my baby you dumb fuck! And Kate won't talk to me. Don't you get it? I don't fucking care!_

I don't say any of this. Instead I smile and nod and promise to talk to Gia. I feel sick about having to talk to her. Gia, whose presence in my life made Kate cry so desperately on the floor of her apartment. When I leave Christian I drive over to the apartment but no one is there. Of course, Kate is at work. Starting her new life as if nothing has happened. It is like she doesn't care which I know isn't true. I watched her heart break yesterday. I tried so hard to catch the pieces before they fell but she pushed and I failed. Again. I don't know what to do.

At first I am hurt by her absence and then I convince myself she simply needs space, to grieve, to start her career. I keep trying to call her but she never responds. I keep making excuses to myself about the way she is pushing me aside. Now I am angry and desperate and I am about to knock doors down to get to her. It has been three days and this cannot go on. I cannot live without her. What we are doing now is not living. It is cold and empty and lonely and wrong. I don't know which grand gesture is going to get through to her but I have to try.

I call Julie and arrange to go over to their house to talk. I explain everything that has happened in the past week, the club, Jack, Linc and the baby. Somehow I convince them that I was willing to do the right thing by Kate. That I still need her in my life. Julie holds me as I cry over our baby. They promise to try and help.

Thursday they call to let me know that they have failed. She still won't see me. She still won't talk although she gave them promises. On closer inspection we all agree that these are empty promises. She has a long way to go. They will keep trying but I can't wait.

I plead with Ethan to let me into their apartment on Friday night then fuck the hell off so I can have some time alone with her. She isn't back from work yet so I set about making her a romantic dinner. Candles, wine, fish in a smoked mussel sauce on a nest of steamed julienne vegetables. A chocolate souffle with cherries. Flowers and music and me. I wait and wait.

Finally she comes in around 10pm. Dinner is ruined, the candles burned down. She looks at me with wild, sad, confused eyes and when I try to touch her she backs away with her arms up.

"Katie, please. We have to talk." My desperation brings an edge to my voice I no longer recognize. Can't she see that I am breaking inside without her? My own tears are threatening. "I can't. I can't live without you, Kate. Please, don't do this. Don't cut me out.I need you. Please."

She looks at me as if I have grown horns. How can she not understand that we are in this together? That we have to grieve together? Doesn't she get that I am feeling the same pain? Not wanting to frighten her, I step towards her with my hands firmly clenched at my side. _Don't run, don't shut me out. Please. _Her hands go up to stop me from getting closer and I want to cry.

"No. Elliot, you don't understand. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you but I couldn't face your pain, which was so big and all-encompassing, and then deal with my own pain as well." I stare at her blinking to try to clear my head. What is she saying? "Your pain was just so overwhelming and I couldn't…but I want to. I can't do this alone anymore. I…I missed you so much. I just didn't know how to get back to you. And then my family came and then Elena called and then…" Her words are coming fast, between sobs and I don't understand it all.

"Babe, slow down. What are you talking about?"

Her body language is barely contained and she keeps her hands in front, palms up to ward me off. No fucking way. I am not letting her do this to us. I move closer and with every step forward she steps back. There is real fear in her face. Afraid of what? Surely not of me? The fear makes me hesitate. Her head is down, she has stopped looking at me, her body convulses with silent sobbing. I rush her, wrapping my arms around her before she falls to the ground, taking me with her.

Pulling her into my lap, we sit on the floor of her lounge, her body curled into mine and we cry. My hand goes to her face and I pull her head to my shoulder as we release our sadness and loss in a torrent of tears. My poor broken angel grips my shirt and screams against my chest, her release of pain is so strong. I rub her back in soft circles and then hold her closer, rocking our bodies in a slow trance-like rhythm. I don't know how long it takes but her desperate moaning sobs ease eventually and I try to talk.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I should never have let you dance, I should have taken you home on Saturday night. It's all my fault. If you hadn't been drawn into all of my bullshit then maybe this wouldn't have happened." Her body tenses in my arms and she is very quiet. "I just can't take this. I can't take being apart from you. I feel so guilty for not protecting you and the baby."

"No, this was my fault. My body rejected our baby and there was nothing that could stop what happened. It was only a matter of time. But it hurts so much. If I think about it I can't breathe. I don't know how to live. I always thought I had this perfect life, too damn perfect. It turns out I'm just as defective and fucked up as the next person."

"Baby, what are you talking about? You just overdid everything and then Jack Hyde hurt you. If it is anyone's fault it is his and mine. I should never have told you to go into the garden."

"Jack hurt me but not the baby. We were going to lose the baby anyway. There was nothing that we could have done differently. I should have told you sooner. I knew something was wrong. But I couldn't have stopped it. Nothing we did changed any of it."

"Is that what the doctor told you?" She nods and her tears start anew. I kiss her forehead and pull her close again. "You mean so very much to me and it hurts like hell to have lost our baby but it hurts even more to not have you. I just want us to grieve together. To move on together." There is a long period of silence. She is considering what she wants and I don't want to push. Just because I need her doesn't mean that she needs me. But God, I want her to need me, I need her to need me. I need to feel useful.

"After talking with Jack, I convinced myself that we couldn't be together. Linc is going to come after me and I don't want him to associate me with you."

"Linc is not going to get to you. He doesn't know who you are."

"No you don't understand. Jack recognized me. He saw the collar. He knows who I am."

"What the fuck, Kate? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to but the words wouldn't come. Losing the baby changed everything and I couldn't lose you too. I thought it would be safer for you if we stayed apart. I didn't want to lead him to your door. After all this time I just wanted him to leave you the hell alone."

" Beautiful girl. If Jack goes to him with this then he will know. He will come after both of us. We have to stick together. I can't do this without you and I sure as hell am not going to let you do this without me. We're a team, don't you know that?"

She gives a slight smile but she is shaking.

"There is more, Elliot. Elena called me tonight. She seemed to know that I had lost the baby and she was ringing to offer her sympathy." The horror on my face must show because Kate is quick to reassure me. "I don't know what she thinks she was doing but I didn't fall for it. Only…she is still really terrified of Linc."

"The guy beat the crap out of her and then left her for dead. I am not surprised that she is scared."

"No she is more than scared. She is petrified."

"It doesn't matter. We will handle Linc somehow. Right now I want to think about us."

"I'm so sorry about the baby. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you this." My heart wrenches. Yes, I am sad about the baby, devastated. But my life is meaningless without Kate.

"Honey, we can try again. Maybe we can do things in what they euphemistically call the 'right order'." This at least brings a smile.

"I just don't think I can forget that easily. I wanted this baby so much. All my love for you seemed to be wrapped around the idea of this little person and now…" She quietly cries.

"I know … Katie, I know. We won't ever forget this little one." My own tears start again and we sit holding each other and quietly crying. Eventually we come back to the present.

"Can we do something to mark his life? To remember him? I know we can't have a funeral but perhaps there is something…"

"Honey, I think that would be wonderful. There are people who will want to be there for us. I realize that you probably haven't forgiven me for telling your folks but I was desperate, and so was Ethan."

She looks at me. "How did Ethan know?"

"Jason let it slip when we were following Jack Hyde the other night. He didn't mean to but Ethan picked it up and called me on it. Your brother loves you."

"I know. And I agree, I think everyone who knew should be a part of this."

**ooOoo**

And so this is why we are in the grounds of the treehouse on Sunday afternoon with Karen, Jen, Jake, Jason, Gail, Stella, the boys, Liana, Ethan and Kate's parents having a tree planting ceremony in memory of our unborn child. Everyone is wearing white to symbolize the purity of our child's life. Kate looks so beautiful, so pale and drawn but always with that ethereal quality.

We start with a cleansing of our spirits. Karen and Jen have placed containers of sage in a circle on the lawn and we all stand in the center. A small fire of burning cedar is central to the group and the sage is lit from this fire. We rub our hands on the burnt sage and make a smudge on each others foreheads. While this is happening the guys all join together and sing for us.

_**Oh, a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries **_

_**High above, you can hear the church bells start to ring **_

_**And as the heaviness, oh the heaviness, the body settles in **_

_**Somewhere you could hear, a mother sing  
Then it's one foot then the other as you step out on the road **_

_**Step out on the road, how much weight, how much weight? **_

_**Then it's how long and how far and how many times **_

_**Oh, before it's too late? **_

_**Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**Walk me through this one, don't leave me alone **_

_**Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**We're trying, we're hoping, but we're not sure how **_

_**Oh, and every day you gaze upon the sunset **_

_**With such love and intensity **_

_**Why, it's ah, it's almost as if you could only crack the code **_

_**You'd finally understand what this all means  
Oh, but if you could, do you think you would **_

_**Trade it all, all the pain and suffering? **_

_**Oh, but then you would've missed the beauty of **_

_**The light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving **_

_**Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**Walk me through this one, don't leave me alone **_

_**Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**We're trying, we're hoping, but we're not sure why  
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**Walk me through this one, walk me through this one **_

_**Don't leave me alone  
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels **_

_**We're trying, we're hoping, we're hurting, we're loving **_

_**We're crying, we're calling **_

_**'Cause we're not sure how this goes**_

_**Calling All Angels - Celtic Women**_

Kate and I turn the soil together, placing a dogwood tree into the ground. Then each person present comes forward to place dirt into the hole. As this is happening Julie reads out a prayer.

_**A Mother's Prayer/ Affirmation After Miscarriage **_

_**In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion. **_

_**I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing. **_

_**During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort. **_

_**I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attention to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely. **_

_**I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence. **_

_**In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing. **_

_**Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly. **_

_**Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me. **_

_**Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place. **_

_**Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence. **_

_**Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss. **_

_**Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them. **_

_**I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms. **_

_**I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me. **_

_**by Stacey Dinner-Levin **_

Kate and I each light a hurricane candle from the cedar fire and holding each others hand we lead everyone down to the water. Waiting for us at the waters edge are a basket of flower boats with tea light candles in the center. Everyone lights a candle from our central lamps and following our lead we get ready to let our baby go. Placing the flowers into the water we release them into the sound, watching little angels of hope bob and sway across the bay. As we all watch, Will begins to play guitar and Kate's pure soprano voice rings out across the sound.

_**Fly, fly little wing  
Fly beyond imagining  
The softest cloud, the whitest dove  
Upon the wind of heaven's love  
Past the planets and the stars  
Leave this lonely world of ours  
Escape the sorrow and the pain  
And fly again**_

_**Fly, fly precious one**_  
_**Your endless Journey has begun**_  
_**Take your gentle happiness**_  
_**Far too beautiful for this**_  
_**Cross over to the other shore**_  
_**There is peace all one word**_  
_**But hold this mem'ry bittersweet**_  
_**Until we meet.**_

_**Fly, fly do not fear**_  
_**Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear**_  
_**Your heart is pure, your soul is free**_  
_**Be on your way, don't wait for me**_  
_**Above the universe you'll climb**_  
_**On beyond the hands of time**_  
_**The moon will rise, the sun will set**_  
_**But I won't forget**_

_**Fly, fly little wing**_  
_**Fly, where only angels sing**_  
_**Fly away, the time is right**_  
_**Go now, find the light.**_

_**Fly - Celine Dion**_

The whole ceremony takes little more than half an hour but it offers us closure and a sense of peace amongst all of the tears. Afterward, we sit on the deck and talk over a barbecue dinner. Julie and Sam are very attentive to Kate and Ethan tries to engage everyone in conversations that don't center on the baby. Zeus sits with his head on Kate's lap as if he knows that she needs him close. Her hand absently pats his long fur as she seeks his comfort. There is more singing and storytelling and quiet laughter of friends and family. Julie keeps an arm around my shoulders for much of the time, letting me know that she has two sons sitting here.

"How are things with my sister." I have been wanting to rib Ethan about it since last Saturday, knowing that once my little sister has her sights set on him he doesn't stand a chance. He blushes furiously.

"I haven't seen much of her since last Saturday to tell you the truth. I'm not sure it is a good idea to encourage her."

"I thought you liked her." Surely Mia isn't losing her mojo.

"I do it's just, weird, you know?"

"No, why weird?"

"Well, she's your sister, man. And you are going to be my…" He stops and stares at me with a questioning look. "Are you still going to be my brother-in-law?" His voice is a stage whisper.

Kate hears and stands quickly excusing herself to take plates from the table. This confuses me. Surely she doesn't think my feelings about this have changed? Then I wonder if perhaps I should be worried about her feelings. What if she was only talking marriage for the sake of the baby? I mean, she has her focus firmly on her career now. Where do I figure in all of this?

"I don't know. Nothing has changed for me. I can't speak for Kate." And I feel a little ill that I can't bank on her still wanting to marry me. "I'm not sure that should stop you from seeing my sister though. No matter what happens with me and Kate, if you like her you should go for it. Just remember that there is no guarantee with Mia. She marches to the beat of her own drum and nothing I could say would change that. The only person she is ever likely to listen to is Christian."

"Yeah, well that's what has me worried. If it were just you watching out for her then maybe. But Christian is one scary dude. I get the impression that he would knife me through the heart if I even look at Mia the wrong way."

I laugh. "Yeah, well, Christian is a protective bastard. All you have to do is not fuck it up."

"Easier said man. This is Mia we are talking about and I am only human." We toast each other with our beer bottles at that thought.

My eyes are looking for Kate inside the house. I have this very real fear that she is going to shut down and run again. Although we talked well into the night on Friday and then she stayed with me last night here at the treehouse, I still don't have any guarantees. She hasn't agreed to move back out here which given the commute to the city I can understand but I want her to, so very much.

**ooOoo**

When I go inside to look for her I can't see her anywhere on the ground floor. I check the pool and then our room. Finally I go up to the office and see her standing, arms folded, studying the wall of the war room. She turns to me as I walk in, wiping a tear from her eyes.

"I can't seem to shut my mind off." Her weak smile barely reaches her eyes. "I keep going over everything in my head, repeating conversations, patterns. It seems to help me to…deal."

Wanting to wrap my arms around her but not wanting to crowd her I hold my position at the top of the staircase. She is bathed in soft late afternoon sunlight that creates a halo of gold around her head. Her eyes are luminescent green, the color of a troubled ocean but swathed in a sadness that breaks my heart. I had hoped that the ceremony would bring her some sense of calm but I can see that she has a long way to go. We both do.

"Kate, I know that you probably don't want to talk about this but I really think that you should move back out here. It will be easier to keep you safe if we are together."

She shakes her head. "That's not terribly practical since my apartment is only a few blocks from my office. I have Ethan with me and you can come and stay whenever you want to."

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes, very much so." Thank God, this is something at least. "And I can be here with you and Zeus on the weekends. If you will have me."

"Baby, I would spend every moment of every day with you. You know that."

"Not terribly practical, but yeah, I get that." We have edged toward each other slowly through this exchange and she takes the last few steps into my waiting arms. I want to talk about getting married but I can sense that with everything that has happened, this would be rushing her recovery. I hold back. The last thing I want to do is scare her off. Perhaps it would be good for us to go slow. To court each other properly.

"So did you come up with anything new in the case?" She steps back from me with a little frown and turns back to the wall.

"There is something but I can't quite connect it." Her hand reaches up and removes the photo of Dad with Mom and baby Mia. She runs her fingers over the fading images.

"When Elena confronted us in the garden she said something about us not knowing the extent of her reach with your family. I have been wondering what she meant by that."

I shrug as I take the photo from her hand and study it. Dad is holding Mia, not Mom. They are both smiling and Elena is in the background although she looks nothing like the hard-nosed bottled-blonde domme that we know today. She looks somehow softer, more innocent. Probably before Linc destroyed her.

"She must be 19 or 20 in this photo. I don't think I realized just how long Mom and Dad have known her."

"When she called me the other night she talked about losing a child. Like she had gone through miscarriages too."

"Perhaps she did. Maybe that is why she never had children of her own. Maybe she couldn't carry them to term."

"As much as I hate her, as a woman and a mother who has suffered loss, I feel sorry for her if that is the case. I just don't know why she felt the need to call me. There was no love lost between us on Saturday night."

"She was off-balance then because of what happened. Perhaps she hasn't quite made her way back on balance. She might have thought she could worm her way back into our good graces by befriending you in your hour of need."

"Wow, that's pretty cynical even for you." She raises an eyebrow as she looks at me.

"Yeah, well, she doesn't have a great track record so nothing would surprise me where Elena Lincoln is concerned."

"By the way, did you know that on Mia's adoption records, only your mother is named?"

"No, but I guess there must be a reason for that. Perhaps that isn't so unusual."

"Perhaps, although on yours and Christian's both of your parents are named. I don't know if that is a difference in Washington and Michigan adoption laws. I never got a chance to complete that research."

Perhaps she is right. That is kind of unusual. I wonder if we should be having this conversation with my parents but then my mother doesn't know anything about the current situation and Dad seems to want to keep it that way.

"Maybe we should ask my Dad. Although I don't know why it would be important." If I hadn't been looking at Kate at that very moment I wouldn't have seen the tell. She is holding something back here. _What do you know that you aren't sharing?_

"Mmm…maybe. I don't even know if this is significant." _Kate, what are you hiding?_


	20. Chapter 20: Can't Cry Hard Enough

_**I'm gonna live my life  
Like every day's the last  
Without a simple good-bye  
It all goes by so fast**_

_**And now that you're gone**_  
_**I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**No I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**For you to hear me now**_

_**I'm gonna open my eyes**_  
_**And see for the first time**_  
_**I've let go of you like**_  
_**A child letting go of his kite**_

_**There it goes up in the sky**_  
_**There it goes beyond the clouds**_  
_**For no reason why**_  
_**I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**No I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**For you to hear me now**_

_**I'm gonna look back in vain**_  
_**And see you standing there**_  
_**When all that remains**_  
_**Is just an empty chair**_

_**And now that you're gone**_  
_**I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**No I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**For you to hear me now**_

_**There it goes, up in the sky**_  
_**There it goes, beyond the clouds**_  
_**For no reason why**_  
_**I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**No I can't cry hard enough**_  
_**For you to hear me now**_

_**Can't Cry Hard Enough - Williams Brothers  
**_

* * *

Holding me through the night is not enough to keep the darkness out of my heart and I know that Elliot is feeling it too, but I still can't really talk about my own feelings without a sense of the endless chasm that will open up before me. Yesterday, was supposed to help us deal with our grief by giving us closure but I'm not there yet. And I can't talk to him anymore about how I am feeling because I don't want the sympathetic glances and I don't want to explain and I don't want to cry any more. I can't tell him that I am scared that he won't love me now. I can't tell him that I will never forgive myself even though all logic says it was not my fault. I can't tell him that I am terrified to love that much ever again because it hurts so much to let it go. So I do what I do best. I lie. I pretend. Being born into a world of falsehood and deceit, this is just another level of performance for me.

Sooner or later I am going to have to see Ana so when she calls me at work on Monday I say yes to drinks after work. I don't know what else to do.

"Hi Kate, how are you? I miss you." Ana looks amazing and I wonder if we aren't trading lives for a moment. Here she is in her designer wardrobe, with her designer hair and nails. Her make-up is understated and perfect. I have thrown on the work clothes I had packed in my overnight bag from the weekend which look like I slept in them. I haven't been to a salon since before Barbados and I have applied my makeup an inch thick to hide the shadows under my eyes and the blotchiness of my skin. Crying and lack of sleep will do that to a person, I guess.

"Hi Ana, you look amazing. Seems like the new job and fiance are doing wonders for you." I am plastering on my best fake smile hoping that some light will reach my eyes.

"Thanks. Work is crazy but good and Christian is…wonderful. So, food? Or just drinks?" I look past her and see her bodyguards hovering. Two, for Christ sake! Hell, now I even envy her that sense of safety that Christian is trying so hard to surround her with. She looks behind at them and shrugs before turning back to me. "I'm sorry about them. Christian insists."

"Oh, well, if Master says so." I murmur and then I see her face fall. "Oh, shit, Ana, I'm sorry. It was a joke. A very poor one but I didn't mean anything by it…" _Didn't you Kate? Didn't part of you want to just jab her in the skin and see if she could feel it?_

"No, it's okay. I know it seems a little ridiculous, all this protection. And I don't expect you to understand the type of person that Christian is, but he is a good man, Kate."

"Yeah, I keep hearing that." Again, with the look. _Oh, shit, did I say that out loud? Fucking great, Kavanagh. _"I'm really sorry, I guess things at work are a little tough and it is getting to me."

We sit and Ana summons a waiter, ordering us a round of Cosmos. "I know what you mean about the work thing. Since I got this promotion I am always tired. So do you want to tell me about it?" That's right, Ana has been given Jack's position at SIP. From a fucking PA to an editor in one foul swoop. Guess that's what you get when your boyfriend buys the fucking company. Stop it, Kate, stop it right now.

"No, honestly, it's fine. I just want to make sure that I am worthy of the job and that people aren't treating me differently because I am Sam Kavanagh's daughter. I want them to accept me on my own merits and not the family name, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." She doesn't elaborate though and I have to admire her for her discretion. For not talking about how pissed off she is that Mr Stalker Grey has purchased the company for her. But that has always been Ana. She doesn't do gossip, she doesn't lie, or not very well and she protects the people she loves even when they are stupid or mean. The soul of discretion and I wonder how much of her has rubbed off on me. How much am I going to tell her? Right now, nothing, because I don't have the energy to poke that particular hornet's nest.

"So how are the plans for the wedding going? Do we have a date yet?" The little tight smile gives her away. Oh crap.

"Yeah, three weeks from Saturday." _Holy shit! _Then the unthinkable enters my head. Why does anyone get married so fast? She's fucking pregnant! And I feel the bile rise in my throat. I have to get out of here.

"Wow, that's not a lot of time." I choke the words out as I stand. "Excuse me, I need to find the powder room."

"Hey, I'll go with…"

"No!" I take a breath and try to bring my emotions under control. "I'll be fine. You order us another round, I'll be back in a moment."

I stumble blindly across the room towards the ladies room and once I get inside the cubicle I crumble to the floor, sobbing. Shit, I should feel happy for her. I don't even know if that is the reason for the quickie wedding. _Jeez, it could be like fucking Twilight, they just might be in a hurry, although unlike Bella I know that Ana is no fucking virgin._ After a few minutes I get myself under control and struggle to my feet, brushing my skirt down as I emerge from the cubicle. When I raise my head I come face to face with one of Ana's bodyguards, _what was her name? Prescott?_

"Are you alright, Miss Kavanagh?" Concern is etched across her face but not the pity that I have had to see in every other face over the weekend.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired and overwrought. I guess drinking on an empty stomach isn't helping." Standing at the basin I splash some water over my face before I realize how much make-up I am wearing. _Oh, what the fuck, things can't get any worse, can they? _Prescott hands me a towel.

"You know Miss Kavanagh, it seems that tonight could go one of two ways. You could do the sensible thing and call it a night. Or you could let the safety of a good friend, her entourage and a few more drinks do their magic." _What, you want me to get drunk? _And suddenly that seems like the best fucking idea I have heard in weeks.

Within an hour I am wasted. Four cosmos in quick succession have done the trick and the buzz feels great. I look at my phone, three missed calls from Elliot. I tuck it away in my bag and order another round. Ana is giggling but she isn't drinking anywhere near fast enough for me. This time I order beers and shots. I don't notice Ana texting.

Another hour rolls past and we have planned out her entire future. If she has told me anything about her kinky relationship with Christian then I don't remember it although at one stage I almost let it slip about Elliot and I in the red room. Some cute guys stop at our table to talk with us and I notice both Ana and her guard dogs getting edgy but I am in full Kate Kavanagh mode now, flirting up a storm. I know it is all alcohol talking but I am all over them like a rash.

Next thing I know strong masculine arms wrap around me and pull me back against a hard frame that I know so well. Closing my eyes I inhale his fragrance and my head lolls back against his shoulder.

"Hey man, the lady was happy with us. Find your own girl." The good looking dark haired one is being friendly enough with just a small undercurrent of 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way'. Elliot just gropes me a little more.

"Hey baby, did you want to stay with this guy?" He murmurs in my ear with his eyes still on dark-haired dude. What was his name again?

"Mm, he's nice, kind of yummy, could we take him home?" I giggle in my drunkenness.

"You want him, baby? Why don't you ask him?"

"Do you want to come home with me and my boyfriend?" I don't want this guy but I love where Elliot is taking this. Ana is sitting open mouthed beside us before Elliot winks at her and then she starts to giggle too. I look at her. _This will serve you right for texting my boyfriend behind my back, Steele._ "Or did you want this one Ana? I am sure Christian would like him."

"Oh, I don't think he is Christian's type, Kate." The poor guy has gone from interested to shocked in a second as our discussion progresses. Now you know what it's like being in the meat market as a woman. Not much fun, huh?

"Pity, he's so pretty. I bet he swings both ways too. He's got such a fine ass." My hand reaches out to get a handful and the guy steps away.

"Wow, I don't share, lady. You guys are too weird for me." We all burst into laughter as he heads for the other end of the bar. Even Prescott and Sawyer have smirks on their faces.

"Kate, I think I better call it a night." Ana has picked up her bag and jacket. Suddenly I can see that she is nowhere near as drunk as me and part of me is a little disappointed. "Listen, I will make an appointment with your mother for lunch on Thursday. Can you make it?"

"Sure," I reply. "Just let me know when and where." I give her a kiss on the cheek and she and her entourage move off. Elliot turns me in his arms.

"That was very naughty, Miss K. If you're going to get that drunk can you at least not proposition other men?" He has a smile on his face but I can feel the disappointment underneath and it makes me angry.

"You don't own me Elliot. If I want to go with another guy, which I don't, there is not much you can do about it." I down the last of my drink and glare at him as I pick up my bag. He grabs my hand and all but drags me outside.

"I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one Kate. You're drunk and you probably needed to get drunk after everything that we have been through. But don't think for a moment that you are free to pick up strange guys in bars. I don't work that way."

His body is tense as he stands over me. Anyone walking past us would see him as a threat and part of me wants to play on the sympathies of strangers for a moment but the argument and the cold air are enough to sober me up a little bit.

"Until you put a ring on it, you don't have automatic rights and exclusivity. If you want those you have to learn how to trust me." I spit the words out at him in a low hiss.

"I want to trust you but if you drink like that then how can you trust yourself? As for putting a ring on it, I have tried and you won't take it. Well guess what, Kate, I withdraw my proposal until you get through your grief."

"Jesus, Elliot, it was one fucking night. I haven't had more than a drop of alcohol since I found out I was pregnant. So get off my fucking back. I needed to have a blow out tonight and I had it. End of story."

I stalk off down the road towards the apartment leaving him standing on the sidewalk. My legs are not as steady as they should be and I stagger against a wall before righting myself and continuing down the road. I hear his footsteps behind me but he doesn't get close, he only follows. We arrive back at my apartment and he lets us in.

"You have a key to my apartment? How did you get that?"

"Ethan gave it to me." His voice is terse and he pushes inside ahead of me, throwing his key on the table before stripping his jacket off and placing it on a chair. He walks straight into the kitchen and starts to put the kettle on. I watch him for a moment getting more and more angry that he is making himself so at home in my apartment.

"What the fuck is this? You are acting like you live here, like you own me. Well, you don't, on both accounts." My voice is raising with my anger. His body has stilled and he stares at me for a moment before walking around the kitchen bench and stopping in front of me. He is using his height to intimidate me.

"I do live here, we agreed on that last night. Week days here, and weekends at my place wherever practical. As for owning you, you're still wearing my collar, sweetheart." My hand flies to my throat. Oh shit, he can't truly believe this can he? "Now, be a good girl and finish making the tea. I am going to take Zeus out for a walk, he's been cooped up in this apartment all evening." Shit, Zeus is here? Elliot gives a short, sharp whistle and Zeus rises from behind the couch. He looks so huge in this small space that it almost makes me laugh.

Elliot places the lead on Zeus, puts his jacket back on and grabs his keys heading to the door. As he opens it he pauses and looks back at me.

"I want you showered and ready for bed by the time I get back, Kate. Tonight you are going to sleep and tomorrow we are going back to the Ob/Gyn for your check up before you start work in the morning. I'll be back in twenty minutes. Don't cross me on this Kate."

The door shuts behind him and I am sure that my mouth is hanging open. Where the hell did dominant Elliot come from and why the hell does he think he can just move in here and tell me what to do? _Because you need that right now, Kate, or you will never recover from this. _I wish that voice in my head would shut up as I stomp down to the hall to my bedroom.

Within twenty minutes I have showered, put on my pink pjs and have finished making the tea. Elliot comes in with Zeus, who looks much happier for his walk. Elliot stands at the table and studies me. He is still angry at me but he is being careful. I pick up the cups and walk out of the kitchen to hand him his tea.

Placing my cup down on the table I turn back to him and help him to take his jacket off. The look on his face is priceless as I take his hand and lead him over to the couch, snuggling against him with my tea in my hand.

"Would, Sir, like me to take his shoes off? Rub his feet?" Now the smirk is on my face. Taunting him probably isn't smart but I still have enough of a buzz not to care.

"Don't mock me woman. If you do, I will take you over my knee so fast you won't know who smacked that pert little ass." He pulls me closer against him as he takes a mouthful of his drink. "I love you, Katie."

"I know. I'm sorry about the guy in the bar. I guess old habits die hard when I have too much to drink."

"Yeah, well just don't lead him on. And if you want another guy in this relationship then can we at least talk about it first?" My eyes shoot to his.

"Are you serious?" He shrugs.

"It wouldn't be the first time for me and it certainly isn't the first time this has come up for us. If it is something that you want then I am open to discussion but we make the decision together, not as a result of some drunken bender when you're feeling emotionally fragile."

Holy, fuck! "Elliot, I…tonight wasn't about that at all. I just needed to blow off some steam and I guess the flirting is what I know."

"Yeah, well that poor guy really thought he was going to get to take you home. You're a tease, Kate. I love it about you, I love watching guys lusting after you, but can you please do it when I am there? It worries me that some idiot will get the wrong message and take advantage of you."

"So you loved watching Jack and Linc pawing me?"

"No. That would be an exception. I was fucking terrified when I saw them touching you. But that was different." We are both silent for a moment and I am regretting let those two pigs into our conversation or our thoughts tonight.

"You know we haven't heard anything from either of them for over a week now. Do you think that Jack has backed down?"

"I don't think we could be that lucky. No, I would say that this just might be the calm before the storm, babe. I don't want to think about them tonight. Come on, let's get you to bed."

The next morning Elliot accompanies me to the doctor appointment where I am given a clean bill of health.

"Kate, how are you sleeping?" Dr Greene is very professional but right now is showing a level of compassion and insight that I almost can't cope with. I know where she is heading with this but I am loathe to admit how bad things are. Even with Elliot sleeping next to me I am not getting more than two or three hours of sleep each night.

"I guess you already know the answer to that." I am being untypically evasive.

"You know there is no shame in talking about any of this Kate. You are allowed to have these feelings. No one expects you to just get over this." Her words bring on the tears and I don't want to cry. There just aren't enough tears in the world to make any of this better.

"Okay, I'm not sleeping, therefore I am barely functioning during the day," I state angrily. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Not really. But it is a start. I can give you something to help you to sleep, to help you to cope."

"No, I don't want to take anything that flattens me out emotionally. It frightens me to feel numb." Numb has been my best friend this past week and I am kind of over its company. Elliot takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.

"Alright. How about I just give you the sleeping pills and a prescription for anti-depressants that you can either fill or not?"

I look at Elliot. "Fine. That would be…fine."

"You know that there is every chance that what happened this time around won't happen again. If you wanted to try again in a few months, we could monitor you closely from the beginning."

"I don't want to try again." The words are out of my mouth so fast I almost trip over them. And what frightens me about saying this out loud is that I think it is true. Elliot tenses up beside me but I don't want to try again, I don't want to go through that hell. I don't ever want to feel like this again. And if I don't want to have children what does that mean for me and Elliot? Now I can't look at him so I focus on Dr Greene who gives Elliot an anxious glance.

"It is not uncommon to feel like this, Kate. You might change your mind in a few months time. When you do I want you to come back and see me so that we can make sure that we are giving you and your baby the best possible chance."

As we walk back to the car, I can feel the weight of my words hanging between us. We stop at the car and Elliot pauses his hand on the door, he studies the door handle then after a while he looks at me.

"Do you really feel like that? You don't want to try for another baby?" _Oh fuck._ I don't want to talk about this right now.

"I don't know…no, I don't think I could take going through this again." I whisper as a silent tear steals its way down my cheek. I wipe it away with a clenched fist and I can't look at him. I don't want to see that disappointment in his eyes. After a while he simply nods and then opens the door for me. _Oh crap. _

He doesn't say anything all the way to my office. Even when I get out of the truck all he does is tell me that he will pick me up from work later. I know that my words have hurt him and I feel guilty but I can't help how I am feeling right now. I want to give him some hope, but it doesn't seem fair. Instead I turn my back on him and walk through the revolving doors of the Kavanagh Media office tower.

When I get to my desk I immediately call up Carrick's office to confirm the arrangements I have already made to meet him for lunch. Elliot knows nothing about this which is just the way I want it for now. At 1pm I make my way to the restaurant where Carrick is waiting for me. He has already ordered wine and he pours me a glass as I take out the manila folder from my bag.

"Well, Kate, this is all very cloak and dagger but I have come to expect no less from you. I take it that folder is the reason you and I are meeting on our own?" I am a little bit taken aback by this almost confrontational approach from him. I guess after all these years he has been waiting for someone to connect the dots on this. I just wish that revealing this wasn't going to hurt so many people. Without saying anything I slide the folder across the table to him. He flips it open and reads the few documents before closing it.

"What are you going to do with this, Kate?"

"Nothing, Carrick. I don't think it is my place." I am trying for a calm I don't feel. Not even the wine is helping here.

"Can I suggest that we order some food and then I will tell you whatever you want to know."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the reviews and for patiently waiting for this update. Please keep the questions, predictions and ideas coming. They help more than you will ever know. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!**


	21. Chapter 21: No Way

_**When the daylight comes**_  
_**Do you feel it?**_  
_**Leave your bag of bones**_  
_**Underneath your bed**_  
_**Everything is as**_  
_**It should be**_  
_**I'm leaving now**_  
_**As I should be**_

_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna talk about it**_  
_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna speak again**_  
_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna talk about it**_  
_**No way, no way**_

_**When the night descends**_  
_**I sleep in**_  
_**All the things you've done**_  
_**Come to hold me**_  
_**All that we can do**_  
_**Is smile**_  
_**It would be like this**_  
_**For a while**_

_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna talk about it**_  
_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna speak again**_  
_**No way, no way**_  
_**No we're never gonna talk about it**_  
_**No way, no way**_

_**I'm not sad, really**_  
_**All this means, losing**_  
_**Letting go, oo-oo**_  
_**Dont look out, oo-oo**_  
_**No way, no way, no way**_

_**The Naked and Famous - No Way**_

* * *

Ana's text came through at around 7pm.

_Kate on a bender. Think she might need you. Zig Zag. Ana_

Luckily, Kate's place is not far from the bar and it doesn't take me long to get there. I don't know when my life became so focused on keeping someone else safe and happy but I know that I wouldn't want it any other way. I just hope that Kate understands that I am trying to do what is best for her. Best for us.

When I enter the bar I take a moment to look around. Breathing a sigh of relief, I acknowledge Luke Sawyer with a nod but I don't know the woman next to him. She is clearly part of the security detail. That must mean that Ana and Kate are nearby. Luke indicates to his immediate left where Kate is hanging off some guy with her back to me, her arm draped around his neck as she whispers in his ear. _Fuck!_ The guy is starting to grope her as his friends laugh and look on. Luke moves when the guy's hand goes to Kate's ass but Ana holds her hand up to stop him as she catches my eye. I nod and move towards them slowly. Luke steps back as I approach.

Kate giggles when she's drunk…a lot! Her demeanor is cute and flirtatious and she has this guy completely besotted, probably thinking that he has every chance of nailing her. I recognize his lust as she presses her tits into his arm and runs her hand over his. Reaching for her drink gives him the perfect view down her top and she knows it. The poor guy doesn't stand a chance. He is fairly salivating and her sexy little giggle seems to be hitting him straight in the groin. Hell, watching her in action is turning me on!

The guy looks like he is about to come in his pants. _Time to put you out of your misery._ I approach her from behind and wrap my arms around her waist. It seems that she is neither surprised nor annoyed that I would turn up like this which is promising. I know she needed this night with Ana, hell I think she even needed to get drunk, but I don't think it will solve any of the problems that are brewing. Something subtle has shifted inside her that I am not even sure she is aware of.

We both tease the poor sap, who looks horrified that I would share my woman. If it would make her happy I think I would do anything right now. However, this guy and this moment are not right. Perhaps later, if that is her fantasy, if it would bring her back to me emotionally, then I will help her fulfill it. I don't know exactly how to help her but I know I am never going to give up trying. What has me pissed off is this self destruct mode that she is in. I know she is holding back, even though we talked the other night but since then she has clammed up and she won't tell me what she is feeling. I am also pissed off at this prick for rejecting her. He has no understanding of what it takes to make someone completely happy.

Outside the bar she mistakes my anger as being directed at her. This is frustrating. I am not hurt by anything she has done tonight although I wish she would be more careful. I am angry that I can't break through. I am angry that some little pissant has called her weird to her face. I am angry that there is so little I can do to help her with her pain and I am frustrated that there is so much that she refuses to talk about.

When we get home to the apartment there is yet another shift. One where she thinks she is going to push me away. We are so far beyond that now. If I have to pull the dominant on her then I will. I will go to my little brother and get fucking lessons if I have to. There is no way that she and I are going to be apart now. I have shut all thoughts of the threat from Linc and Hyde away in a little box in my mind to deal with what is happening now but somehow, I am going to eliminate that threat so that they can't keep us apart either.

By the time I get back from walking Zeus she has become compliant, even cheekily submissive and if it weren't for the fact that she is still recovering from the miscarriage then I would jump her right now. She has no idea how cute those pjs are and how any and all attempts to bend to my wishes is such a huge fucking turn on. I love it when she places her trust in me to know what is good for her. To know what she needs. But this is just the calm before the emotional storm.

The doctor's appointment the next morning completely undoes me. Kate is recovering well physically and I guess I expected that she would be hesitant about the anti-depressants. But when she tells Dr Greene that she doesn't want kids I feel like a well has opened up in my heart. I thought maybe it would take some time but she is acting like this is forever. Right now I believe she means it but I hope like hell that this is simply fear talking. Of course, knowing Kate the way I do, there is every chance that this will become another weapon to drive a wedge between us later when she gets scared. I won't let that happen. Kids or no kids, she is mine and more importantly, I am hers, body, heart and soul.

Later in the day I drop by Dad's office to get him to check out some contracts. He is out to lunch, I assume with a client so I drop the papers and head out of the building to go back to work. I am about half way to the truck when I literally collide with Elena Lincoln. She is looking drawn, not her usual stylish self.

"Elliot, sorry I didn't see you there. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going." What the fuck? Elena is apologizing to me? Did I miss the apocalypse or something?

"Elena, um, hi, how are you?" Be polite, she might be the devil's spawn but she is still a human being, sort of.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to Elliot." There is the scowl that tells me the old Elena is lurking deep inside. "How is your mother?"

"Disappointed, hurt, angry but she seems to be coping." Elena looks at the ground with something that passes for remorse working its way across her expression. I am more than a little curious as to why she should be here. This isn't where her business is located. Surely she isn't hoping to run into my father as a way of getting back inside the Grey family circle?

"And Kate? How is she?" Now she is just trying deliberately to piss me off.

"Stay the fuck away from her, Elena. Kate is none of your business." My rage is simmering under the surface. _Fucking, interfering bitch. _I don't know how she worked out what had happened with the baby but I will never trust her.

"Don't start, Elliot. I was genuinely concerned for her welfare and I am so terribly sorry that you have lost your baby." _Don't smack the bitch!_

"Save the sympathy Elena." Her concern might be genuine but her motives won't be. "Leave Kate the fuck alone."

"I have no intention of calling her again. She made herself quite clear on the phone." She almost looks sad as she says this.

Elena glances over my shoulder and her body goes rigid. Something or someone over the road has caught her attention and her discomfort evident. I shift my focus to where she is staring and see my father walking back toward his office with Kate by his side. _What the fuck? _When they get to the front of the building Kate hands a folder to him which he pushes back into her hands. Then he leans over and gives Kate a kiss on the cheek. Elena gives an audible gasp beside me that draws my attention her way. Her look is a mixture of frightened and angry.

"What are you doing here anyway, Elena?" This whole situation is really starting to stink. Her lips are pursed into a thin angry line and for once she is really looking her age.

"I am here to see your father. Not that it is any business of yours." Her heels tap a military tattoo on the bitumen as she stalks across the street away from me. It takes a moment to react and then I am on the move after her. There is no way that she is going to start a show down with Kate today.

"Elena, wait!" Ignoring me, she almost gets hit by a car as it screams to a halt, the driver leaning on his horn. Raising a hand in apology I grab her arm and move her to the pavement arriving in front of a shocked Dad and a horrified Kate. Kate looks ready to kill someone, and unfortunately it looks as if that someone might be me.

"Elena, I told you to leave me alone." Kate's tone is pure venom and Elena has the good sense to step back.

"I'm not here to talk with you Kate although once more I am sorry for your loss." Kate's mouth drops open, I breath in sharply and Dad raises his eyebrow, holding back the question on his lips. "Carrick, darling, shall we?"

It takes a moment for him to react and then he steps back with his arm out to usher her through the doors of his office. "Please, after you, Elena." She pushes past and heads through the revolving doors while Dad hangs back and looks at us. "Kate, thank you for lunch, I hope that whatever Elena is referring to is not too personal a matter. Son, I would like to see you this evening if I may. Drinks at the Rainier, say 6.30?"

I nod and then he is gone, collecting Elena in the foyer and herding her through to the lift. Kate and I face each other, she with more questions in her eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what you were doing with my father?" Offense is the best defense.

"Are you going to tell me what you were doing with that bitch?" Unless of course you have managed to inadvertently incriminate yourself. Guilty until proven innocent.

"I was here earlier dropping some contracts into Dad to check. He was out. Apparently with you. I literally walked into Elena on my way back to the truck. I followed her back across here because I didn't want her to upset you."

There is a moment of hesitation and then I see when she believes me. We both let out our breaths.

"Well, I found some stuff out that I needed to talk to your Dad about. In private. We had lunch, I showed him what I had found and he let me ask some questions." Ah, the mysterious folder. I work this through in my mind. Young and talented intern, needing a break to impress her supervisors. _Shit!_

"Are you going to run a story on him?" I am dreading the answer to this. Please don't use our family as fodder for your career, Kate. As tempting as it may be.

"What? No! Fuck, Elliot, I just wanted to show him what I found so that he would know."

"What was it Kate? What was so god damn important that you felt you had to go behind my back and talk to my father in private?"

"If you want to know, ask him." _Good girl._ Once more I release the breath I have been holding.

"Or do I just wait until it hits the papers tomorrow?" I see when this becomes one accusation too many. She pokes her in-need-of-a-manicure fingernail into my chest. This is the most emotion I have seen from her in days.

"I'm not putting up with this shit. Your father is neither a source nor a feature to me. I am doing this for you, you lousy shit. I am trying to help you sort out the crap you have brought down on this family with fucking Linc and Jack and to find a way to protect the people you love. What the fuck are you doing about it?" Her body is poised in anger as she stands up to me and I have never seen anything more sexy in my life. She is fucking amazing.

"Loving you. Because I know that you can do this. Because if anyone can work this out it will be you. Because I have no fucking choice but to adore you. I need you." All of my muscles are on high alert getting ready to chase after her and stop her in the street if she turns and runs. Instead she steps into my arms and presses her body and lips against mine. Our tongues wrestle for supremacy, it is the most passionate we have been with each other in two weeks and we are in the middle of the main street, outside the prestigious law firm where my father is a partner, sucking face like there is no tomorrow. A flutter of applause erupts spontaneously around us as we pull apart.

Smiling shyly Kate snuggles into my chest to hide her embarrassment and I wrap my arms around her protectively. "Can I walk you back to your office, Miss Kavanagh?" She nods and we walk away, our arms around each other, the appreciative audience looking after us.

As we arrive at her building I feel the tension re-enter her body and that same sense of her pulling away emotionally again. I wonder if work is offering her the challenge and solace that she needs. There must be so much pressure being Sam's daughter and starting at the bottom. One great expose on the Grey family would give her career such a boost. Somehow I think that her inability to want to cross that particular line has both surprised and disoriented her. She is not quite as opportunistic and hard-nosed as she would like to think. However she is tenacious and I am sure we can find a way to make use of that.

"Kate, I would like you to come with me this evening." I look into her eyes, trying to get some reassurance that she is still with me.

"No, I think you need to have this conversation alone. Perhaps I could join you later for dinner." All the right words are coming out of her mouth but her eyes have gone blank again. _Fuck! Don't go baby._

"Sure, how about I call you when I finish with Dad and you can decide if you're feeling up to it." She nods then leans in to peck me on the lips before turning to walk into the building, clutching the folder to her chest. _Damn._

The rest of my afternoon is spent out at Christian's new house, talking with him about materials. I expected a thorough discussion of his design needs but he insists that Ana be the one to make those decisions and he wants me to set up a meeting with Gia. Interesting that Ana is being given so much input when he has never felt the need to get much in the way of advice from any of us before. Her influence with him knows no bounds and I feel both proud and resentful of Ana's progress with him.

Dad stands and greets me as I walk into the Rainier. The place is the favored watering hole for professionals pretending to relax and unwind while continuing to network. So many backroom deals and out of court settlements are done in these rooms it is a wonder anyone ever makes it to court. We sit in a secluded booth, surrounded by opulence and the smell of alcohol and leather. Dad orders us a bottle of '08 Tinto Pesquera and we make small talk until the wine is served.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" My curiosity has been piqued all afternoon and I am barely holding back the urge to shake the information out of him. He takes a long sip of the wine, letting it swirl around his mouth as he seems to contemplate how to begin.

"Your Kate is very talented and thorough in her research."

"The way I understand it, the evidence she has found is really a matter of public record and anyone could have discovered it." He tilts his head and looks at me.

"She hasn't told you anything, has she?" I hold his stare for a while and then shake my head as I look down into my glass. No, she hasn't told me anything. Obviously, not the evidence that has my father tapping the side of his glass nervously as he thinks.

"No. She said that only Mom's name is on the adoption record for Mia. That is the only information she has shared with me." I leave the question hanging unsaid between us. Hopefully, he will take it up.

"Kate is in a position of immense power over our family right now. Do you think that she is going to try to get a story out of this?"

"Is this what you wanted to discuss with me? You want to know if you can trust Kate? What the hell is this about Dad? Why are you being so fucking evasive?" After the last few weeks I am exhausted and this conversation is pissing me off. I don't want to feel like this about my Dad but if it came down to a choice between Kate and the family right now, well…

"Look, Elliot. I could tell you my part in all of this but not without hurting other people. Needless to say, my concerns are not about me, they are about your mother and your sister." This pulls me up short. We both sit in silence for a moment, sipping our wine as I contemplate what he is not saying.

"So we are here to discuss nothing?" If he is going to be so fucking evasive, this meeting seems a little pointless. My mind wanders to Kate, wondering if she is home from work yet.

"Not exactly. I need to know if Kate will be discrete. Or do you think that she will try to run with this story."

"Jesus, Dad. I don't even know what this story is. Quite frankly, Kate and I have more things to worry about than Mia's adoption records. So unless you are going to tell me what this is about then I am going home." I throw back the contents of my glass before thumping it down on the table.

"Wait a minute, son. Tell me what is happening with Linc and Jack Hyde." Our lives have been so preoccupied with the baby that I haven't told Dad anything about what happened at Sirens. That all seems like such a long time ago.

"We tried to get more information at Sirens. It seems Jack and Linc are definitely associated but we don't know how. Jack was chased out of town that night. We had him convinced that he had pissed Linc off enough that he should leave but we know that he has been back since. He was seen in the grounds of Bellevue the night of Christian's party."

"Fuck, Elliot. Why didn't you tell us? Does Christian know?"

"No. Kate and I have had some other personal issues that have come up that kind of took precedence over this whole thing. I'm sorry but she is my first priority right now."

"I take it you aren't going to tell me what is going on with you and Kate." For a moment I consider opening up to him. We have always been close, except for that short period of rebellion towards the end of my high school years. It feels wrong to keep this from him but I wonder what purpose it would serve to tell him and I can't betray Kate. If we ever tell my parents then it has to come from both of us.

I shake my head. "Nothing that we won't work out eventually." I hope like hell that I am right about that.

"I see. Well, you might want to give your brother a heads up about Jack Hyde." _Why? So he can step in and take over the Hyde problem? What about the bigger problem of Linc? And how much do you want him to know about whatever shit you're hiding from me now about Mom and Mia._

"Not going to happen. Jack has gone AWOL so until he shows up again there is nothing for Christian to know." I hope I am not wrong about this. A conversation with Jason wouldn't go astray right now but I don't want to compromise Jason and Gail any more either.

"I'm not so sure about that. I wonder about the helicopter accident. I suspect that wasn't an accident at all." My eyes shoot to his. _Fuck._ This is news to me. "Do you know where Jack Hyde was prior to that incident?"

"We chased him out of town on the Thursday night. The helicopter went down on Friday. The surveillance team lost him just out of Portland so theoretically he could have doubled back straight away to tamper with Charlie Tango but we wouldn't be able to confirm that."

"What about Linc? Do you think there is any reason why he would do this?"

"There is motive but Linc wasn't in great shape on Thursday night to have done it himself." Linc was heavily drugged and out of action but it is still a possibility that he paid someone else to do his dirty work.

"Motive? Against Christian?" He seems a little incredulous.

"Think about it Dad. If Linc knew anything about Christian and Elena, don't you think he might be carrying a grudge?" Since he and Mom have only just found out about this relationship it is understandable that he hasn't made this link.

"Yes, I see your point. Although his need to damage the Grey family probably runs a little deeper than that." He picks up the bottle and refills our glasses looking lost in thought.

"Meaning?" The bottle pauses mid-air before he resumes pouring.

"Oh, he was never happy about Elena's friendship with your mother."

"Why?" There is just enough hesitation in his answer for me to sense that he is fudging his answer.

"Let's just say that he was jealous of anything that took Elena's focus off him."

"Do you think he was hitting her because she was friends with Mom?" My mother is such an angel. I can't imagine anyone hating enough to take up domestic violence over a friendship with her.

"I think that his intolerance of most aspects of Elena's personality went a lot deeper than just a friendship with your mother but yes, I do believe that he chose that as the justification for harming her. It was a very complex relationship but one that both Elena and your mother chose to foster for genuinely good intentions."

"Yes, well, a bit of philanthropy doesn't seem like a good enough reason to stay in a violent relationship."

"That wasn't the reason she stayed." Once more his cryptic comments have me on high alert. Just then movement catches my eye and I look up to see my mother walking towards us. We both stand to greet her. Following in her wake, to my genuine surprise, is Kate, clutching her folder to her chest again.

"Darling, it is so wonderful to see you. Look who I ran into outside." Mom gives one of her all encompassing smiles. Just as I think we are about to sit down, Dad signals to the maitre'd who comes forward and ushers us into one of the small private dining rooms. Once we are settled in with more wine I look from one face to the next.

"So, is anyone going to tell me what is going on?" I expect Dad or Kate to start the conversation but to my surprise it is my mother who speaks first.

"Sweetheart, Kate tells me that she has found Mia's personal records."

"Yeah, the adoption record only has your name on it."

"Yes, well, there is a good reason for that." Mom pauses for a moment and takes my hand. "You see, Carrick didn't need to adopt Mia. He is Mia's biological father."


	22. Chapter 22 Hold On

_**Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?**_  
_**I guess that we were once**_  
_**Babe, we were once**_

_**But luck will leave you cause**_  
_**It is a faithless friend**_  
_**And in the end when life has got you down**_  
_**You've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around**_

_**So hold on to me tight**_  
_**Hold on to me tonight**_  
_**We are stronger here together**_  
_**Than we could ever be alone**_  
_**So hold on to me**_  
_**Don't you ever let me go**_

_**There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart**_  
_**But it's no one's fault**_  
_**No it's not my fault**_

_**Maybe all the plans we made would not work out**_  
_**But I have no doubt even though it's hard to see**_  
_**I've got faith in us and I believe in you and me**_

_**So hold on to me tight**_  
_**Hold on, I promise it'll be alright**_  
_**Cause it's you and me together**_  
_**And baby all we've got is time**_  
_**So hold on to me, hold on to me tonight**_

_**There's so many dreams that we have given up**_  
_**Take a look at all we've got**_  
_**And with this kind of love**_  
_**What we've got here is enough**_

_**So hold on to me tight**_  
_**Hold on, I promise it'll be alright**_  
_**Cause we are stronger here together**_  
_**Then we could ever be alone**_  
_**Just hold on to me**_  
_**Don't you ever let me go**_  
_**Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright**_  
_**Hold on to me tonight**_  
_**They always say we were the lucky ones**_

_**Michael Buble - Hold On**_

* * *

My lunch with Carrick became strained after I showed him the public documents I had located. It isn't always easy to get hold of these documents but as per usual, if Kavanagh media personnel grease the right palms then anything can happen. And if we can locate this information then so can anyone else who might have a grudge against the Grey's including Jack Hyde, Linc Lincoln or Elena. Especially Elena.

Carrick opens the folder and reads the contents without giving anything away. Perhaps this is a lawyer's bluff but he then he isn't seeing anything that he didn't already know about.

"What are you intending to do with this information Kate?" To be honest I don't know. I was trying not to think about it beyond the need to show the evidence to him.

"Carrick, I don't want to do anything with it. I did want you to know that it was out in the world for anyone to see. I guess with these media leaks from Jack Hyde I was a little worried that this was something that you didn't want to become public knowledge without having some sort of heads up."

"And you never thought for a moment that you couldn't capitalize on the situation?" Of course I did. In the end the story angle that would have the most weight was not about Mia and Grace but about the link to Christian Grey, CEO billionaire. From that perspective this is a none-story for me. There would be a small wave of interest about the details of Mia's birth but the real speculation would be around the fall out with Christian and speculation on why prominent lawyer Carrick Grey would desire to bury the truth. People would want to know and I have a feeling that the truth may have layers to it that nobody in the family wants to see uncovered.

"No, I mean it is probably one hell of a story, but I wouldn't do that to the family. I presume that you won't want anyone else to either." I am a little hurt that he thinks so little of me but I can understand his concern. He is testing my loyalty.

"Kate, we haven't hidden this but we also haven't told the world for good reasons." He has such an honest face, such an earnest look. This might be the closest thing to fear that one might see on the face of Carrick Grey. He is a media law specialist for Gods sake. Nobody does spin like these guys.

"To protect Mia and Grace." _And yourself. _My discomfort over this conversation is growing exponentially.

"Yes."

"What will you do if Jack has this and sends it to another media outlet?" He runs his hand through his hair in a gesture that is reminiscent of his sons. Perhaps he isn't their biological father but they are more like him than either of them realize. Now as I examine his face closely I can see the similarities between he and Mia. The nose, the forehead, the mouth. The eyes are all her mother.

"I guess there is nothing we can do. It might be time to at least come clean to the boys."

"And Mia?" There is a moment of hesitation, a flash of guilt laced with regret.

"Mia already knows. She needed her birth certificate to get a passport renewal for Paris. She has known for a long time but has chosen to keep it from her brothers." _Why? _"We always thought that when she finally knew we would tell them all but this was her choice. She was 18 years old when she found out."

"How did she take it?" I don't want this to sound like an interrogation, I just want to understand. This family has more damn secrets than the CIA and the worst part is how much they continue to keep from each other.

"Let's just say it was not an easy discussion. We didn't want her to go to France. She was determined to go and this tipped the balance in her favor. I think she has reconciled herself to it now but I am not sure that she has forgiven us, forgiven me." The look of sadness that sweeps across his face almost brings me undone. I had assumed that Mia and her father were close but now that I think about it I haven't seen them really interact on an individual level since she got back from Paris. She seems closer to Grace than to Carrick. I had assumed that was a mother/daughter thing.

"And the relationship with her real mother?" I could smack myself for asking but my curiosity gets the better of me.

"I don't know. Mia keeps Grace near, nothing has changed there so I am sure that she still looks on her as her mother. As to her biological mother, well, Mia is always free to make her own choices. I don't know if she wants a relationship with her if there is any possibility it could hurt Grace." Again, he looks so full of remorse.

"Carrick, I think you need to discuss this with the boys. They need to know so that they are not blindsided by this if Jack goes public. And Mia and Grace need to know more about the threat too." He shakes his head. Typical Grey alpha male response. They think they can best protect their family by keeping them in the dark. Well, life doesn't work that way. "You are not the only one who is keeping secrets. I think that both Elliot and Christian have to open up a bit too."

"Christian will never open up with his secrets. He doesn't know how. As for Elliot, he is an open book. What could he possibly have to hide?" Oh Carrick, how little you know either of your boys if you think that.

"Just try. Please. Elliot has been living under a shadow for such a long time and I suspect that you are the one person who can help him. But this secret, your secret, seems to have some bearing in what he is dealing with." As for Christian, well I suspect that Ana is opening him up in ways that the family couldn't hope to. It might just be enough to save him.

No one could have been more surprised than me when Carrick presses the folder back into my hands and kisses me on the cheek after lunch. I am not fooled, I don't think he completely trusts me yet. He promises to call Elliot. The last thing either of us expect is for Elena and Elliot to come charging across the road at us. My ire is raised by the thought that they have been together somewhere and I stare at the hand Elliot has gripped around Elena's forearm. His explanation after Elena and Carrick disappear into the building offers some reassurance and I can't resist kissing him as the relief sweeps through my body. Then I remember what we have been through in the past two weeks and I feel myself pulling away from him again. It is unintentional and I hate myself for it when I see the look of dismay on his face.

Having made a vague plan to meet up with him later after he has spoken to his father I throw myself back into research on a local celebrity story that I don't particularly care about. Late in the afternoon my phone rings and it is Grace asking me to meet her at the Rainier at 7.30. This can only mean that Carrick has spoken with her and they have agreed to tell Elliot everything.

So now Grace has unloaded this bomb and the look on Elliot's face makes me feel awful. I can't imagine what is going through his head as he processes this piece of information. The secrets and lies that he imagines have been spun around his sister's adoption would be enough to unsettle anyone. All of their lives with the Grey's have been spent under the illusion that all three of the children were adopted. Now I see as Elliot realizes that not only is his sister biologically related to his father but there is a reason why this information has been kept from he and his brother. My heart hurts for him and part of me is dying to hear the justification too.

Grace continues, "When your father and I were first married all our friends and family considered us lucky. We were both successful professionals emerging into our careers, we were very much in love with each other and the world was our oyster. To all intents and purposes others saw us as a perfect couple, with perfect lives and perfect prospects. Including to a certain extent us. Only life had other plans."

Carrick leans over and takes her hand, holding it firmly for a moment and then letting it go. Grace smiles, looking at where he has just touched her. "Th funny thing is, that you don't notice the cracks appearing at first. Time just does its work and before you know it the erosion has set in."

"Mom, what are you saying? That Dad had an affair?" Elliot is leaning over the table trying to get her to look him in the eye. When she looks up the tears are hovering just under the surface. I have to look away for a moment. Carrick is staring intently at the floor.

"Your father had…a relationship when you were very young. It was a difficult time for us. We wanted so desperately to have children of our own but I wasn't able to…" Her voice chokes with tears that she hastily wipes away. Even after all these years she feels the pain and I wonder, did Grace lose her babies the same way I lost mine. I can't help it. My hand automatically reaches for hers in solidarity. "…then your mother and brother died so tragically. I was caught up in looking after you, trying to arrange for your adoption. That year was a difficult one for us. I was preoccupied with grief, I had had my fifth miscarriage in two years and been told no more. Your mother was my best friend and I felt lost without her. The only thing that stopped me falling apart was you."

Elliot looks close to tears as he listens to his mother speak. My emotions are so close to the surface that the hot salty liquid is already slipping down my cheeks. Carrick looks broken but he urges Grace on.

"We were trying to support each other as best as we could but we were young too. Sometimes fate deals you a hand that you have to play and so we knew that you and Christian were the best chance at a family we would have. We had arranged for a transfer to Seattle but couldn't leave Detroit without you. Then Carrick got summoned for an immediate court case and in the middle of the adoption process he had to leave. I, to my great shame, barely noticed his absence. I was too caught up in my own needs, my own grief. All I wanted was to make sure that you boys were taken care of. I let him go back to Seattle without a second thought so what happened next was as much my fault as it was his."

At this point she looks to Carrick. Their hands grip and he brings her hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it before turning it over and kissing the palm. It is such an intimate gesture but I can't look away, my own hand is gripping Elliot's under the table. Grace places her palm on Carrick's distraught face and nods. It seems that he is going to take on the story from here.

"I found a small apartment and befriended a young couple in the building who helped me get settled in. It was meant to be a temporary accommodation until Grace arrived with the boys. She had promised to come as soon as the adoption was finalized but the months dragged on and I was on my own. My new friends made life a little more bearable without her. We would have dinner together at least two or three times a week and go out to bars on the weekend. He and I were both in our late twenties but she was a good ten years younger, barely out of high school. One night we got a little too drunk and they revealed a little more about the true nature of their relationship. I was drunk, I was lonely, Grace and I had distanced ourselves from each other emotionally and I did something foolish at their request. He convinced me that he wanted it, that he wanted to watch someone else sleep with his wife. She was less sure but I suspect that she was attracted to me in the way that a young girl develops crushes. She was also intimidated by him. I should have known better, but the drink and the isolation did their work. Grace and I hadn't been intimate in over a year, since the last miscarriage. I was in a vulnerable state and I agreed. In reality he never really forgave either of us for what happened that night. I have never forgiven myself for not being better husband for Grace. It only took one time for her to get pregnant and he made it very clear that he would not raise a child of another man. He threw her out of the apartment. She was 18 years old, pregnant and alone and I felt I had no choice but to move her in with me."

Elliot's face goes from open mouthed shock to grim tight-lipped disgust. My immediate reaction is that I don't know if he would have been any different given the circumstances and that stops me from making any further judgments of Carrick. For the first time I have to ask myself how far am I prepared to push Elliot away and how long before he would give in to temptation. His sense of honor would not permit him to abandon a child either. With incredible clarity I can instantly see that their situation could easily become ours. Disrupting my reverie, Grace takes up the story again.

"So eventually I arrived in Seattle with two little boys in tow to find this young girl, Elena Lincoln, living in my spare room." Elliot gasps.

"Elena Lincoln is Mia's mother? Shit!" Elliot is stunned by this revelation.

"Elliot, language, please."

"I'm sorry Mom. I'm just…so you just arrived back and she was there…in your home?" He glares at his father and I think he might be thinking about taking a swing at him.

Grace rests a hand on his arm. "Your father was honest with me from the beginning, he had prepared me by making a trip to Detroit to confess."

"And you just forgave him and took her in?" Now his anger is directed at her.

"Don't think that I was blindly accepting of any of this. I did not forgive easily. We had been apart emotionally and physically for months so there was a lot of work to do there. The person who seemed like a victim in all of this was Elena. Her husband had manipulated and then abandoned her. So I found a house, moved us into it and we told everyone that Elena was our housekeeper."

"Oh, God, I remember her now. Lena! Shit! Lena was…is Elena?" I look at him. How could he not remember her, he was six years old? Surely if someone lived with you for a year and had a baby you would remember her. "Lena in my memory was a large woman with dark hair. Elena has always been small with blond hair. I guess she went for a complete image change post-Mia."

Grace nodded. "Lena was shy and timid. Never thought much of herself. Lacked confidence. I guess a year of being treated like a real human being was enough to raise her self-worth. During that time I helped her to finish her high school diploma and enroll in beauty school. Carrick lived in the apartment for that first year only coming home on weekends. It took most of the year for us to gain anything like a marriage back. I felt sorry for Lena in all of this, she was young, naive, alone. For her sake, I agreed to adopt Mia quietly and we would never tell anyone about what happened. It would all seem like we were helping out a young woman who was victimized. And you know that I liked Lena. No one was more surprised than I was when she changed her image and went back to Linc a few months after Mia was born. During their marriage Linc never socialized with us unless it was a large networking or charity event but Elena, as she now wanted to be called, stayed close and I was happy to give her that access to Mia. She insisted that she was not the motherly type so she never wanted to make her relationship to Mia known. It wasn't until much later that I found out Linc was hitting her. When they finally divorced she confessed that most of his anger stemmed from Mia's birth." Most but not all.

Elliot and I lock eyes. Linc has more motive than we ever imagined. His hatred for the Greys must run very deep. Carrick, Mia, Elliot and Christian are all in the firing line. And now Linc has access to a loose canon by the name of Jack Hyde who seems as intent on his own brand of vengeance. We have assumed up until this point that Jack was leaking information to the media but it seems that Linc has held all the cards and perhaps responsibility lays with him. We simply don't know what or how deep the connection between Linc and Jack is.

Carrick is gazing at Grace with such a look of mixed love and regret that it almost breaks my heart. I think about my own parents and my father's affair, about my accusations of Elliot's past and I wonder at our incredible capacity to forgive even when we can't forget. Grace returns that look in a way that says that she still accepts part of the blame. Grace is certainly a name that fits her.

Back at the apartment Elliot and I are going through the motions again. He is caught up in the revelations from his parents about his sister. I am caught up in my own emotions around Grace's story. She has suffered so much more than I ever could imagine and yet she is so strong. To have spent that first year with the boys in such a tenuous relationship. Having the capacity to feel any morsel of empathy for Elena or Lena after she has slept with her husband. Doing so much on her own. Her magnanimity makes me feel small and insignificant.

I keep replaying the discussion over in my head and I hit upon a detail that brings me up short. Linc the voyeur and the idea that he might have wanted to watch Lena and Carrick, to share his wife with another man. I am reminded of our conversation last night and previous ones where we have talked about this as a fantasy and I feel ill. I finish brushing my teeth and go into the bedroom where Elliot is sitting on the bed working on his laptop.

"Hey." I feel shy, standing at the doorway to the room not sure how to proceed.

He looks up at me and seeing the look on my face he closes the laptop and puts it on the side table. "Hey." Reaching one hand to me is enough to encourage me to slip onto the bed beside him. I don't snuggle up, this is a time to talk. Instead I sit facing him and hold his hand. "What's up?"

"Last night, I know I was drunk but did we talk about…sharing?" I can feel my face flushing bright red. He is slow to answer.

"Well, yeah, but it was in the context of you trying to pick up strange men in bars. As I recall, you were pretty drunk." He has such a beautiful smile. I feel reassured that he isn't making fun of me.

"I see. And did you mean it when you said you would consider it?" _Please say no, please say no. _Again, he hesitates, choosing his words carefully.

"Babe, I would consider anything if it was a fantasy that you really wanted. I love you that much." _Oh. _Now it is my turn to hesitate.

"So, do you want to share me?" I can't even look him in the eye but this time there is no hesitation.

"No." His voice is firm but still tender. Bending down to make me look at him, he gives me the most sincere and loving look that I could ever wish to see. "But if you wanted it…I'm not sure I could refuse. Katie, what is really on your mind?"

"I just…with your Dad's confession and the way we keep doing things in places where we might get caught and then twice now you have talked about someone watching us. And then you said you have shared before…" I'm babbling and I feel so stupid. In a quiet whisper I say,"I just wondered if I am enough for you."

His strong arms pull me onto his lap and I snuggle into his chest, too embarrassed to look at him. He simply strokes my back and kisses my hair.

"Sweetheart, you are more than enough for me. I have done some pretty reckless and stupid shit in the past but that isn't really me. It isn't how I want things to be with us. It's just that you keep pulling away from me, and I get it, I really do, but it scares me. I said that last night because I want you to know that I would do anything for you. _Anything_ at all to make you happy."

"I see." The relief flooding through me is immense. He tilts my chin up and looks me in the eye before pressing the gentlest of kisses to my mouth. Pulling back I look him in the eye. "You know it is only the fantasy that turns me on. I read this stuff in books and I like the idea of it on paper but I couldn't really imagine doing that. It's just the idea that turns me on and I like the idea that it turns you on too. I'm sorry but if it ever became I reality then I would probably chicken out."

A smile spreads across his face as he holds my face. "You are mine. And in spite of anything that you said last night, this is an exclusive, for life kind of a deal. I know you aren't ready for that right now and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. For you to get your career together, for you to feel that you can move on from losing the baby, for you to feel that my past isn't about to bite us all on the ass. I don't care. I am here for you when you need me. I have never felt, nor do I think I will ever feel like this about anyone. You're it for me Kate. I just hope that soon, you will feel the same way about me."

I sink into those beautiful blue eyes that are so full of love and honesty. There is a moment when I can almost feel the pain lance my heart again but I pull away from it. Not tonight. It won't get me tonight. Tonight I am his. I may not be healed, but I don't want the distance that Carrick and Grace had to deal with. I can push past this, for him. For me. For us.

"I want to make love to you." I whisper against his cheek. He pulls back and looks directly at me.

"Are you sure? I mean, are you ready? It hasn't even been two weeks, I understand. Honestly, I can wait. You don't …" I place my finger on his lips to silence him then with one more look in his eyes I lean in a kiss him. My tongue slips into his mouth and tastes his fresh minty lips. I suck on them for a moment, running my fingers up through his hair before pulling back.

"I'm ready." He turns me around and presses me down into the bed, leaning his strong body against the length of mine, his thigh pressing between my legs. The gentle pressure of his body against my core is enough to elicit a soft moan as he devours my mouth with his. His hands slide up my thigh, lifting the edge of my nightdress and sliding up my hip to my waist. Pausing for a moment he refocuses the attention of his mouth to my neck and nips at the flesh below my earlobe. My body pulses beneath him and I press my groin into his thigh in response.

Raising himself away from me results in the baby doll negligee being lifted up above my head, leaving me naked except for a lacy white g-string. Once more his hands span my waist and then slide up my sides as he descends to suck on each of my nipples. His thumbs trace a line under my breasts and once more I am moaning and pressing up against him.

Kissing down my body his tongue tastes every part of my stomach causing me to undulate beneath him. He presses me firmly into the bed.

"Keep still." His voice is harsh with barely restrained passion. I am aware of the rigid erection against my thigh and I want very much to take it into my mouth, into my body. To feel every hard inch of him inside me. The wetness pools at the thought and I know he feels the moisture as he lifts his thigh up higher between mine. I wriggle against it, trying to get some relief. "I said, keep still."

His body slides down completely and he pulls the lace away from me as he goes. Once I am divested of all clothing he stops to look at me.

"So beautiful. May I?" His nose is mere inches away from my pussy and I want him there more than I can say. I simply nod and it is enough for him to place a hot breath mouth over my swollen lips. It feels so amazing and I realize how much I have missed his body.

"Stop!" He lifts up immediately and sits back on the bed. His look is dismayed resignation and he is about to turn away. "No, I mean I want you naked too." The heat of desire in his eyes is intense. Quickly I help him remove his t-shirt and then he stands to remove his boxers, taking his hard length into his hand and stroking it as he kneels back on the bed.

He goes to resume his position and I stop him once more. Instead, I push him down on the bed. "I want to taste you too." He smiles I give him a quick kiss before turning to straddle him. I gaze at the his rigid cock proudly standing up before me and I pull down the length of it. Cupping his balls in one hand and working his length with the other I begin to kiss and lick the tip. He moans and thrusts a little into my mouth then pulls my hips down to his face,licking my clit.

His fingers stroke through the lips of my vagina and he pulls the wetness out to massage my aching nub. It feels like it has been so long since I had an orgasm and it is all I can do to hold back at this moment. Then his tongue dives into my wet hole and I gasp as he drags his tongue forward and begins to flick it over my clit again.

The salty tang of pre-cum is on my tongue making him impossible to resist. My lips wrap around his cock and I take his full length into my mouth, squeezing his balls gently as I go. I drag back softly with my teeth and then repeat the action sucking back hard this time. Once more he gasps and moans.

"Fuck, baby, that feels so good." His fingers are moving in and out of me as he sucks and flicks my clit with his tongue and I can't resist thrusting. He stops my movement when he inserts another finger, moist with my own juices, into my ass. I reciprocate, stroking down the line from his balls to his hole. I suck and moisten my finger before I start to rim and he thrusts his cock into my mouth again. The sound of our lovemaking is wet and passionate and full of lusty moans that have us building together. Finally I can't hold back and I come hard, pulsing around his fingers. Almost simultaneously I feel his body stiffen beneath me and hot salty liquid pulses into my mouth. I swallow it all down and suck the last of it from him.

We make love once more before falling into a deep dreamless sleep. In the morning when I wake he has already gone, leaving a rose on my pillow. Smiling at his thoughtfulness I know, that somehow, everything is going to be alright.

**OoOoo**

Watching the two couples leave the Rainier Club last night had created a wave of barely suppressed rage. Now he sat in his twentieth story office overlooking downtown Seattle, directly across from Grey House and seethed. The Grey family had continued to be the thorn in his side for the past two decades and the opulence of Grey House represented everything that he hated about them all. He turned to face his guest.

"You need to disappear for a while." His voice was calm.

"What? No! I nearly got that fucker. Who knew that the prick could fly the fucking thing?" Linc looked at Jack Hyde and wondered once more if he had made a mistake bringing him to Seattle.

"You stupid little fuck!" He hissed, "Christian Grey has pulled out all the stops. He has more security than the fucking presidential detail. How close do you think you're going to get to him right now?"

Jack looked around desperately. "I'll take the fucking lot of them out at the wedding." For fuck's sake, he's a fucking loose nutter. This fucker will land us all in jail.

"You stupid prick. You won't get within twenty miles of that wedding." Linc turned a malevolent stare on Jack who paled under his scrutiny. "Our problem is no longer Grey but the evidence that you left on your computer."

"How was I supposed to know that he would buy the company and fire me."

"If you had kept your fucking prick in your pants then you would still be at SIP gathering evidence. Instead you had to have a go at that little cunt of his."

Jack pouted and Linc toyed with the idea of taking a hit out on him. Perhaps later. Definitely later.

"Those files implicate both of us so you are going to find a way to get them back. Your best shot is going to be when he is away on honeymoon." Jack looked blank. For a bright man he was fucking thick. "Do I have to spell it out? Most of his security detail with be with him including that fucker, Taylor. That is when Grey House will be at it's weakest and you can take out the servers. That is when you hit, not before. Now piss off and don't let me see your ugly fucking face in Seattle until I am good and ready for you to come back."

Jack looked ready to explode but he turned on his heel and left without a word. Linc flicked back through the photos on his desk. What he saw before him presented more of a problem. The blond woman in the photograph was laughing, beautiful and a lying, deceitful bitch who had played him. She needed to be dealt with and this was one job he wanted the pleasure of doing himself. He studied the photo for a moment longer, feeling himself getting both turned on and more irrational as he studied her face and clothes. Crushing the photo in his hand he picked up his phone and dialed a number.

The female voice answered with some trepidation. "Linc."

"Lena. We need to talk."

**_The End. - Next 'Going Grey'_**

**_A/N : I have spent a great deal of time thinking about where to end Kate's story and this seems like as good a place as any. She still has some stuff to get through and there are still mysteries to solve but they all seem better placed against the last story. Also felt that we needed to slip one more steamy in there for fun. Thanks for sticking with this story and please keep looking out for 'Going Grey'. Sasha xoxo  
_**


End file.
